Unequal tuitions for DCs

[Anonymous]

When the oldest is getting ready to apply, know the costs and know if you could afford the same -full pay- for each child. If you can't, oldest shouldn't apply. Then when they apply to the schools your family can afford, if they happen to get a sweet deal (merit aid or scholarships due to their diligence) that's money they can use for grad school, study abroad, opportunities perhaps the other children will not have.

[Anonymous]

I understand the sentiment that cost is irrelevant and as long as they are both getting the education they wanted, then it is equal. But, imagine if one child knew that they wanted to go to grad school (perhaps law or physical therapy or something that is not covered by TA positions). If they decided that in order to meet that goal, they would prefer to give up the expensive private college of their dreams in order to have money left for grad school, shouldn't this sort of prudent planning be rewarded?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to my sister and I. We both went where we wanted and it was no big deal. You don't equalize. You offer them both the choice regardless of cost that meets their need.

I'm really curious what school you chose.

I was in the cheaper one.

[Anonymous]

What happens if after you fully fund the first or second kid's education and there is nothing left for the ones that come behind? Is it still fair? Isn't it best to divy the pie and lay it out for them how much each has for education?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What happens if after you fully fund the first or second kid's education and there is nothing left for the ones that come behind? Is it still fair? Isn't it best to divy the pie and lay it out for them how much each has for education?

I have two kids, so it isn't a problem. We have fully funded their 529s for R&B and books and bought the Virginia prepaid tuition. We have also saved if both deced to go out of state or private in other non education savings. At the moment, we have enough for one to go in state and one to go private, or for both to go to out of state schools. If both end up going high end private- then I will go back to work to make up the difference.

One of my kids needs braces, the other does not. I am not giving the one with good teeth the money we are spending on braces. Different kids cost different amonts of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens if after you fully fund the first or second kid's education and there is nothing left for the ones that come behind? Is it still fair? Isn't it best to divy the pie and lay it out for them how much each has for education?

I have two kids, so it isn't a problem. We have fully funded their 529s for R&B and books and bought the Virginia prepaid tuition. We have also saved if both deced to go out of state or private in other non education savings. At the moment, we have enough for one to go in state and one to go private, or for both to go to out of state schools. If both end up going high end private- then I will go back to work to make up the difference.

One of my kids needs braces, the other does not. I am not giving the one with good teeth the money we are spending on braces. Different kids cost different amonts of money.

Braces are a silly example.

We are talking about college for adult children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens if after you fully fund the first or second kid's education and there is nothing left for the ones that come behind? Is it still fair? Isn't it best to divy the pie and lay it out for them how much each has for education?

I have two kids, so it isn't a problem. We have fully funded their 529s for R&B and books and bought the Virginia prepaid tuition. We have also saved if both deced to go out of state or private in other non education savings. At the moment, we have enough for one to go in state and one to go private, or for both to go to out of state schools. If both end up going high end private- then I will go back to work to make up the difference.

One of my kids needs braces, the other does not. I am not giving the one with good teeth the money we are spending on braces. Different kids cost different amonts of money.

Braces are a silly example.

We are talking about college for adult children.

Whatever, I am not going to give the difference in college costs to my less expensive college attending child because different kids cost different amounts of money.

[Anonymous]

I think you should save the same amount for each kid. If one kid chooses a cheaper school, she can have that money for grad school. If another chooses an expensive school but it looks like a good fit, you can try to supplement.

I know someone who sent their son to Harvard and then told their daughter, sorry, no more money, you have to go to state school. And while they paid for him to go to med school, they told her upfront there would not be enough left for her to go to med school, so she went to nursing instead. Awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens if after you fully fund the first or second kid's education and there is nothing left for the ones that come behind? Is it still fair? Isn't it best to divy the pie and lay it out for them how much each has for education?

I have two kids, so it isn't a problem. We have fully funded their 529s for R&B and books and bought the Virginia prepaid tuition. We have also saved if both deced to go out of state or private in other non education savings. At the moment, we have enough for one to go in state and one to go private, or for both to go to out of state schools. If both end up going high end private- then I will go back to work to make up the difference.

One of my kids needs braces, the other does not. I am not giving the one with good teeth the money we are spending on braces. Different kids cost different amonts of money.

Braces are a silly example.

We are talking about college for adult children.

No, its not a silly example. I am the poster who said my sister and I got unequal amounts. She also got braces, I did not. I was very happy not to have braces. Different kids have different needs. A good parent will recognize that and meet each child's needs, keeping it equal in that aspect, but everything cannot always be equal. You are not talking about sending one child to private school and not sending the other child due to cost. Both kids go to the college that has their major, their best fit and what it costs is not the priority (assuming parents can afford it).

[Anonymous]

If the money doesn't matter, don't worry about equalizing. If the money does matter, so that sending kid A to private means there's nothing left for anyone's grad schooling, then equalize.

[Anonymous]

I went to a top state university. My sister didn't even apply to the same university since she had pretty much no chance of getting in with her grades and SAT score. I will say- she was always a hard worker and in many ways a better student than I was. I just tested really well and didn't have to put much effort into getting good grades. She went to an expensive private. Since we were in college at the same time, there were times when I'd point out how much her college education was costing, whereas mine didn't cost any more than our private high school. Also, my parents also paid my sister's rent for a year after she graduated while she "looked" for a job whereas I had a job pretty much right after graduating. It's technically not fair, but it's not something I ever think about now or resent in any way. They provided her with what she needed and me with what I needed. While I'm sure it's not equal monetarily, over the years, they've helped me out in ways they didn't help her.

Now that I have kids of my own, I have one that absolutely needs the benefit of being in a small class that offers individual attention and one that would thrive at pretty much any school. For now, we're sending them both to a private school. However, if the cost gets to be more than we can handle, we'll keep the one who really needs it in private and send the other to public or parochial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happens if after you fully fund the first or second kid's education and there is nothing left for the ones that come behind? Is it still fair? Isn't it best to divy the pie and lay it out for them how much each has for education?

I have two kids, so it isn't a problem. We have fully funded their 529s for R&B and books and bought the Virginia prepaid tuition. We have also saved if both deced to go out of state or private in other non education savings. At the moment, we have enough for one to go in state and one to go private, or for both to go to out of state schools. If both end up going high end private- then I will go back to work to make up the difference.

One of my kids needs braces, the other does not. I am not giving the one with good teeth the money we are spending on braces. Different kids cost different amonts of money.

Braces are a silly example.

We are talking about college for adult children.

No, its not a silly example. I am the poster who said my sister and I got unequal amounts. She also got braces, I did not. I was very happy not to have braces. Different kids have different needs. A good parent will recognize that and meet each child's needs, keeping it equal in that aspect, but everything cannot always be equal. You are not talking about sending one child to private school and not sending the other child due to cost. Both kids go to the college that has their major, their best fit and what it costs is not the priority (assuming parents can afford it).

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should save the same amount for each kid. If one kid chooses a cheaper school, she can have that money for grad school. If another chooses an expensive school but it looks like a good fit, you can try to supplement.

I know someone who sent their son to Harvard and then told their daughter, sorry, no more money, you have to go to state school. And while they paid for him to go to med school, they told her upfront there would not be enough left for her to go to med school, so she went to nursing instead. Awful.

That is a financial planning issue and/or a gender bias issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to a top state university. My sister didn't even apply to the same university since she had pretty much no chance of getting in with her grades and SAT score. I will say- she was always a hard worker and in many ways a better student than I was. I just tested really well and didn't have to put much effort into getting good grades. She went to an expensive private. Since we were in college at the same time, there were times when I'd point out how much her college education was costing, whereas mine didn't cost any more than our private high school. Also, my parents also paid my sister's rent for a year after she graduated while she "looked" for a job whereas I had a job pretty much right after graduating. It's technically not fair, but it's not something I ever think about now or resent in any way. They provided her with what she needed and me with what I needed. While I'm sure it's not equal monetarily, over the years, they've helped me out in ways they didn't help her.

Now that I have kids of my own, I have one that absolutely needs the benefit of being in a small class that offers individual attention and one that would thrive at pretty much any school. For now, we're sending them both to a private school. However, if the cost gets to be more than we can handle, we'll keep the one who really needs it in private and send the other to public or parochial.

+1 I think "fair" is better than "equal". "Equal" tends to lend itself to bean counting. "Fair" lends itself to giving each child what he/she needs and hopefully a few of their wants.