Boy and girl sharing a room

[Anonymous]

My son shared a room with his sister until they were around 11 and 7. We lived in a small 2 br townhouse, and just did not have the room. At that age we renovated the basement to add a 3rd room.

I think it really depends on the kids. Can they set boundaries? Do they get along? Are they smart enough to know what is right and what is wrong? My son is a very responsible kid, always has been, and we kept a close eye on them. We never felt unsafe with them living together, but when they got to that age they were ornery about it (they never were best buds or really close) and we thought DS would want his privacy soon.

[Anonymous]

My experience seems vastly different from most people here. I shared a room with my 3 brothers until I was in 6th grade (older brothers were freshman) and we moved to a larger house. Many people I knew growing up (rural Midwest) also shared rooms with different sex siblings. My uncle shared a room with his grandmother until he was in high school. My mother's room was in the basement. My grandmother slept in an attic while her 3 brothers slept in the living room and her parents had the one bedroom (this was an old farmhouse).

The idea that different sex siblings can't share a room or that kids need their own rooms is definitely an affluent, modern idea.

[Anonymous]

The idea that different sex siblings can't share a room or that kids need their own rooms is definitely an affluent, modern idea.

I think this is true, and I find it really creepy that people are so worried about incest. My brother and I never shared rooms because we had a privileged upbringing, but we definitely shared rooms and even beds in hotel rooms on vacations. I would say beds up until I was about 12 and he was 9, and rooms through adulthood until I got married. He's my brother for crying out loud--I would never ever have directed my adolescent curiosity towards him.

My husband grew up in an 800 square foot mobile home with two sisters until they moved to a larger house in middle school (he grew up in the rural south). There were not enough bedrooms for all three of them to have their own room, and he shared rooms and beds with both of his sisters at various points. His older sister is seven years older, so we're talking about something like a 5 year old and a 12 year old sharing a room. He and his sisters are very close.

Then of course, historically there is the one room log cabin, or if you visit central america you'll see a family of eight in a one room shack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When they say, "I'm too old to share a room with my [brother/sister]."

I'm the PP above with the 2 siblings. While I think this is probably true, it's likely not that helpful. Generally people who have their older kids share do so because they don't have extra bedrooms. Getting extra bedrooms in one way or another (e.g. moving to a bigger place, adding on to your existing place, converting a home office into a bedroom, stopping having an au pair) isn't something that happens overnight, so wanting to know when it's going to happen, and planning in advance makes sense.

I'm actually surprised by the amount of consensus on this thread that 10 or 11 for the older child is probably a good limit.

I agree that generally people who have their older kids share do so because they don't have extra bedrooms. But while the people you know can apparently solve this problem by moving to a bigger place, adding on to the existing place, converting a home office into a bedroom, or stopping having an au pair, the people I know can't.

I'm the top poster, and I know families of all types. I was thinking that if someone is asking this question it's likely because they are thinking about whether or not to make a change. A family who isn't in the position to make a change might not be asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

The idea that different sex siblings can't share a room or that kids need their own rooms is definitely an affluent, modern idea.

I think this is true, and I find it really creepy that people are so worried about incest. My brother and I never shared rooms because we had a privileged upbringing, but we definitely shared rooms and even beds in hotel rooms on vacations. I would say beds up until I was about 12 and he was 9, and rooms through adulthood until I got married. He's my brother for crying out loud--I would never ever have directed my adolescent curiosity towards him.

My husband grew up in an 800 square foot mobile home with two sisters until they moved to a larger house in middle school (he grew up in the rural south). There were not enough bedrooms for all three of them to have their own room, and he shared rooms and beds with both of his sisters at various points. His older sister is seven years older, so we're talking about something like a 5 year old and a 12 year old sharing a room. He and his sisters are very close.

Then of course, historically there is the one room log cabin, or if you visit central america you'll see a family of eight in a one room shack.

Not so concerned about incest, but where/when is a teenage boy supposed to beat off if his little sister is in the same room? Ewwww

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The idea that different sex siblings can't share a room or that kids need their own rooms is definitely an affluent, modern idea.

I think this is true, and I find it really creepy that people are so worried about incest. My brother and I never shared rooms because we had a privileged upbringing, but we definitely shared rooms and even beds in hotel rooms on vacations. I would say beds up until I was about 12 and he was 9, and rooms through adulthood until I got married. He's my brother for crying out loud--I would never ever have directed my adolescent curiosity towards him.

My husband grew up in an 800 square foot mobile home with two sisters until they moved to a larger house in middle school (he grew up in the rural south). There were not enough bedrooms for all three of them to have their own room, and he shared rooms and beds with both of his sisters at various points. His older sister is seven years older, so we're talking about something like a 5 year old and a 12 year old sharing a room. He and his sisters are very close.

Then of course, historically there is the one room log cabin, or if you visit central america you'll see a family of eight in a one room shack.

Not so concerned about incest, but where/when is a teenage boy supposed to beat off if his little sister is in the same room? Ewwww

Uh, the bathroom? Do you think his brother wants to listen to him beat off?

[Anonymous]

My husband shared a bedroom with his sister and brother through his childhood and all the eay through his college years. All they had was a two bedroom apartment. When I first visited, I stayed in the "kid room" with all of them. So, there is no limit if you have no other choice.
If you do have the option, I agree that by the time the oldest is 9 or so, would be nice,

[Anonymous]

Only child here.

I think in 99.5% of cases, there is no worry about incest, even in the teen years. Most siblings are "ewww" about each other (and can't think of their parents sexually either). Masturbation in the same room? I am sure it happens a lot but probably more as a last-resort and done as discreetly as possible.

[Anonymous]

virtualteen.org

siblings experiment on each other. touching and all.

[Anonymous]

We were wondering this too, since it is a possibility for us. We actually do have a (very small) third bedroom but I think it is good for kids to share. I shared with my sister until I was 12. (I am a woman) I was definitely ready to move to my own room at 9, but my parents said no, although they had the room. Space permitting, I think certainly when the older kid starts to approach puberty, that would be a good time. Our first is a boy; we don't know the gender of the second yet, but I think we will have them share at least until the older one is 7 or 8. Maybe even until 10 or 11 as others have thought was reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Yeah my husband always beat off in the shower growing up... Sharing rooms was a non-issue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The idea that different sex siblings can't share a room or that kids need their own rooms is definitely an affluent, modern idea.

My dad grew up with no running water on a farm in rural VA. Boys all shared one BR, the girls all shared another BR, the parents had the 3rd BR.

Likewise my mom, although she did have running water.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When they say, "I'm too old to share a room with my [brother/sister]."

I'm the PP above with the 2 siblings. While I think this is probably true, it's likely not that helpful. Generally people who have their older kids share do so because they don't have extra bedrooms. Getting extra bedrooms in one way or another (e.g. moving to a bigger place, adding on to your existing place, converting a home office into a bedroom, stopping having an au pair) isn't something that happens overnight, so wanting to know when it's going to happen, and planning in advance makes sense.

I'm actually surprised by the amount of consensus on this thread that 10 or 11 for the older child is probably a good limit.

I agree that generally people who have their older kids share do so because they don't have extra bedrooms. But while the people you know can apparently solve this problem by moving to a bigger place, adding on to the existing place, converting a home office into a bedroom, or stopping having an au pair, the people I know can't.

NP. In that case, apparently the problem can't be solved at all, so there's not really much point in discussing it. OP wants to discuss it, so presumably he/she has the option of at some point separating the kids. Obviously some people are in difficult situations where room-sharing may have to go past an ideal age, but that's not the case for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:virtualteen.org

siblings experiment on each other. touching and all.

I don't want to visit that link. And I bet you have no business snooping on a teen forum either. It's probably full with a bunch of pervs masquerading as teens anyway.