How to handle a situation with my daughter and her boyfriend...

[Anonymous]

Hello its me the OP. Update- spoke with his mother today, and yes for all who asked I knew they had invited her (not just him) She confirmed she would be in a guest room and they have a full weekend including boating, going to a BBQ at a friends house and going to their club for golf/tennis. Sounds like a busy weekend. I told her my reservations and she at first didn't say much but then said "she has a pretty open policy in her house but would respect my wishes". She also said she would rather her son and his gf feel "comfortable" in their home so as to not feel compelled to go out and sneak around. Yes and no. Not when i am 3 hours away!

I got off the phone feeling somewhat better, mostly relieved that I spoke my piece and made no qualms about it. I am not going to say with certainty that they aren't going to try and sneak in to see each other and furthermore that she will do much to stop it but hopefully knowing I feel pretty strong about this, she will go out of her way on my behalf even if its against her normal "moral code".

So she is going. I read her the riot act and will again before she leaves next week. Ugh...think I have grown 50 extra gray hairs this week. Teens!!

[Anonymous]

your daughter is 16. You are going to have to let go a little soon. My major recommendation would be the birth control talk. Your daughter is her own person and is 2 year away from college, where you will have no control....better to make sure she is education and aware of her options now that unaware, having unsafe sex, and getting an STD or pregnant at 16.

[Anonymous]

No freaking way would I let my daughter go. When she is an adult, she can go away with her boyfriend. Until then, she can go with family or trusted (by me) friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No freaking way would I let my daughter go. When she is an adult, she can go away with her boyfriend. Until then, she can go with family or trusted (by me) friends.

+1. I am not sending a 16 yr old off for a weekend of sex and booze. She can wait until she is 18 and an adult.

[Anonymous]

For the people who let teenage boyfriends or girlfriends sleep over-why? Sleepovers? I do NOT want to see your daughter the next morning when I am in my weekend routine. Why would you want to see my son?

Forget the "I don't want them sneaking around" part. Why is it ok in your mind to condone an adult activity by teenagers? Do you also let them drink at your house, so they don't "sneak " that?

Clearly I do agree, but trying to I detest and what is do wrong about expecting people to wait until they are adults fir this.

[Anonymous]

Do NOT agree. Lol.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you talked to your daughter about birth control and protection against STDs? Have you talked to her about healthy sexual relationships and the importance of self-respect?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No freaking way would I let my daughter go. When she is an adult, she can go away with her boyfriend. Until then, she can go with family or trusted (by me) friends.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No freaking way would I let my daughter go. When she is an adult, she can go away with her boyfriend. Until then, she can go with family or trusted (by me) friends.

This.

+1
This

[Anonymous]

This is a way too much involvement for such young people. Sex is the least of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No freaking way would I let my daughter go. When she is an adult, she can go away with her boyfriend. Until then, she can go with family or trusted (by me) friends.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a way too much involvement for such young people. Sex is the least of it.

I agree. Teens don't need to go away for romantic weekends at the beach house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a way too much involvement for such young people. Sex is the least of it.

I agree. Teens don't need to go away for romantic weekends at the beach house.

A family trip is a romantic weekend?? You guys act like they'll be there by themselves! Idk about you all, but there isn't much privacy on our family trips, even for my husband and I.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a way too much involvement for such young people. Sex is the least of it.

I agree. Teens don't need to go away for romantic weekends at the beach house.

A family trip is a romantic weekend?? You guys act like they'll be there by themselves! Idk about you all, but there isn't much privacy on our family trips, even for my husband and I.

It doesn't sound like the bf's mom has any issue with it so I am sure the teens can find as much time to be together as they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No freaking way would I let my daughter go. When she is an adult, she can go away with her boyfriend. Until then, she can go with family or trusted (by me) friends.

+1. I am not sending a 16 yr old off for a weekend of sex and booze. She can wait until she is 18 and an adult.

+1 Not to mention, the parents of the boy sound too easy going. And they will be on vacation, so I think it's assumed they will be drinking. I don't see how they can be adequate chaperones of two teenagers.

I would have been put off by the "i'd rather have them do it in my home than sneak around" nonsense. I grew up with friends who had parents like that, and those friends did all kinds of things. I, on the other hand, was pretty goody two shoes, and that's because it was made clear to me by my parents that until I was an adult (meaning 18), I followed their rules.