DW is a terrible driver

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"recommend signing her up for a defensive driving course and taking one alongside her"

yes, and present it to her in a way that you're both doing it to keep your insurance costs lower as well as for the safety of the family...

Why? what is so terrible about her taking responsibility for her actions? Why all this walking on eggshells. Why do we perpetuate this concept that women are so weak and vulnerable, like delicate little flowers that they can't be held responsible? That we have to pretend like it is a different issue so that she never feels bad?

As a woman, this attitude disgusts me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"recommend signing her up for a defensive driving course and taking one alongside her"

yes, and present it to her in a way that you're both doing it to keep your insurance costs lower as well as for the safety of the family...

Why? what is so terrible about her taking responsibility for her actions? Why all this walking on eggshells. Why do we perpetuate this concept that women are so weak and vulnerable, like delicate little flowers that they can't be held responsible? That we have to pretend like it is a different issue so that she never feels bad?

As a woman, this attitude disgusts me.

I don't think it has anything to do with her being a woman. I think it's because of her denial, belligerence, and propensity to blame others. These are traits specific to HER.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, but DH isn't the one driving like a maniac!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"recommend signing her up for a defensive driving course and taking one alongside her"

yes, and present it to her in a way that you're both doing it to keep your insurance costs lower as well as for the safety of the family...

Why? what is so terrible about her taking responsibility for her actions? Why all this walking on eggshells. Why do we perpetuate this concept that women are so weak and vulnerable, like delicate little flowers that they can't be held responsible? That we have to pretend like it is a different issue so that she never feels bad?

As a woman, this attitude disgusts me.

Because the point of this is to get her to take a course - not just to prove a point.

[Anonymous]

I think taking the class together would come across as supportive. I think that if you're suggesting that she take the class as a form of "punishment" (which is a really shitty way to handle any situation within a marriage), the message and desired result are probably not going to be received in the way you'd like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"recommend signing her up for a defensive driving course and taking one alongside her"

yes, and present it to her in a way that you're both doing it to keep your insurance costs lower as well as for the safety of the family...

Why? what is so terrible about her taking responsibility for her actions? Why all this walking on eggshells. Why do we perpetuate this concept that women are so weak and vulnerable, like delicate little flowers that they can't be held responsible? That we have to pretend like it is a different issue so that she never feels bad?

As a woman, this attitude disgusts me.

Because the point of this is to get her to take a course - not just to prove a point.

She is breaking the law repeatedly in a way that is unsafe and puts peoples lives at risk. She is an adult, not a toddler. Taking responsibility isn't about proving a point, it is about how adults should deal with their issues. Tiptoeing around like she has done nothing wrong and you are just worried about insurance s ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"recommend signing her up for a defensive driving course and taking one alongside her"

yes, and present it to her in a way that you're both doing it to keep your insurance costs lower as well as for the safety of the family...

Why? what is so terrible about her taking responsibility for her actions? Why all this walking on eggshells. Why do we perpetuate this concept that women are so weak and vulnerable, like delicate little flowers that they can't be held responsible? That we have to pretend like it is a different issue so that she never feels bad?

As a woman, this attitude disgusts me.

I don't think it has anything to do with her being a woman. I think it's because of her denial, belligerence, and propensity to blame others. These are traits specific to HER.

have you read the other threads in this forum? the women all seem to defend a woman when a DH complains about her behavior. if you want to be treated in a dignified manner, then perhaps the actions you exhibit towards men need to change - we can change and often are happy to do it ONLY IF we know that the receiving party will behave and receive feedback like an adult.

[Anonymous]

what is so terrible about her taking responsibility for her actions? Why all this walking on eggshells. Why do we perpetuate this concept that women are so weak and vulnerable, like delicate little flowers that they can't be held responsible? That we have to pretend like it is a different issue so that she never feels bad?

I think it bears mention that lousy drivers are almost always in the same category as stupid people and overly fragile (neurotic, uptight) people. None is capable of recognizing the shortfall. Men and women, equally.

[Anonymous]

Since january, DH has gotten into 2 fender benders, and gotten 2 speeding and one red light ticket (two of them on the same day). He's been involved in another accident in the last 5 years and gets at least 3 to 4 camera speeding tickets a year. and yet, he isthe worst back seat driver, always yelling at me (with one fenderbender and no tickets in 26 years of driving) to watch out, slow down, you're too close, etc. wht infuraties me is that he talkson the phone and reads his email in the car--supposedly while stopped and never with the kids, but I don't believe him.

we've had giant fights over this. He wont' even use hands free.

[Anonymous]

1136 ++

[Anonymous]

Aren't you located in DC? People are maniacs. Peole go 20+ over all of the time. She isn't horribly reckless, but should be more careful. The multiple tickets say she needs to watch it. Five speding tickets in 10 yesrs is not a lot. She could get 5 in a month easily. You talk about her rickets as an issue, but dont talk about her driving. If the tickets are the issue, then lay off. It is not that bad.

Sign her up for progressive and get that safe driver gadgef.

[Anonymous]

We have USAA. I've not found any other insurance company that beats their rates and service.

[Anonymous]

OP here again. Beyond the driving issue, my spidey sense now tells me something else is up with this latest ticket.

I am presently on a business trip. DW sent me a copy of the ticket so I could see the charge, etc. (maybe, in retrospect, not so smart on her part). She received the ticket at 10:08 pm Monday night. I called home at 10:00 pm and to DD on the phone. When I asked DD where her Mom was, she said, "in the bathroom." Now, why would DD say this if DW was not home. Why did DD feel she had to lie to cover for her Mom? I don't like it one bit.

Why was DW where she was at 10:08 pm? Why did she ask DD to cover for her? It is all very strange.

Do I ask her where she was coming from? If she went out, I don't have a problem with that per se, but it the fact that I smell a coverup of some sort and that she is drawing my DD into it.

Or do I ask her in a way that will catch her in a lie, i.e., I know if I ask her what time she received the ticket, most likely she give some time earlier in the day (b/c she won't think I've closely read the ticket). She is not so smart in that way. I've caught her in lies before. And then how to I approach her bringing my DD into her deceit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. Beyond the driving issue, my spidey sense now tells me something else is up with this latest ticket.

I am presently on a business trip. DW sent me a copy of the ticket so I could see the charge, etc. (maybe, in retrospect, not so smart on her part). She received the ticket at 10:08 pm Monday night. I called home at 10:00 pm and to DD on the phone. When I asked DD where her Mom was, she said, "in the bathroom." Now, why would DD say this if DW was not home. Why did DD feel she had to lie to cover for her Mom? I don't like it one bit.

Why was DW where she was at 10:08 pm? Why did she ask DD to cover for her? It is all very strange.

Do I ask her where she was coming from? If she went out, I don't have a problem with that per se, but it the fact that I smell a coverup of some sort and that she is drawing my DD into it.

Or do I ask her in a way that will catch her in a lie, i.e., I know if I ask her what time she received the ticket, most likely she give some time earlier in the day (b/c she won't think I've closely read the ticket). She is not so smart in that way. I've caught her in lies before. And then how to I approach her bringing my DD into her deceit?

No way did she get a ticket Monday and just receive it today. OP, get a life.

[Anonymous]

The officer handed the ticket to her Monday night. She sent me a copy Tuesday morning. I was not in the office today, but glanced at the copy I printed Tuesday that was sitting on my desk and notice the time. You don't knwo what you're talking about. You get the life!