Paying FIL's mortgage on a property that I don't wish to own

[Anonymous]

I would try to negotiate buying groceries online and delivered to the old man- but not paying his mortgage.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, no McMansion for you ~ husband prefers to spend his money differently.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a situation where your DH is not going to listen to you; he is tied up in his own emotions and his own thinking about this whole mess. He does not even realize that no matter how much cash he pours into this house, it has no effect on his inheriting the house unless his dad's will LEAVES him a substantial part of the house or DH is listed on the mortgage. DH needs a big reality check.

Would your Dh listen to a professional third party if he won't listen to you? Some people will actually pay more attention to an outsider, if that outsider is a professional, than they will to their own spouses. I would seriously look at getting a financial counselor with some mortgage experience and housing market experience to advise your DH (maybe see this person yourself first to lay the groundwork!). Your bank probably has someone on its staff who can do this for you and it should be free if it's through your usual bank. Go and ask if they provide financial counseling services to regular customers; ours does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a situation where your DH is not going to listen to you; he is tied up in his own emotions and his own thinking about this whole mess. He does not even realize that no matter how much cash he pours into this house, it has no effect on his inheriting the house unless his dad's will LEAVES him a substantial part of the house or DH is listed on the mortgage. DH needs a big reality check.

Would your Dh listen to a professional third party if he won't listen to you? Some people will actually pay more attention to an outsider, if that outsider is a professional, than they will to their own spouses. I would seriously look at getting a financial counselor with some mortgage experience and housing market experience to advise your DH (maybe see this person yourself first to lay the groundwork!). Your bank probably has someone on its staff who can do this for you and it should be free if it's through your usual bank. Go and ask if they provide financial counseling services to regular customers; ours does.

This is great advice. Thanks so much. I definitely think its time to invest in some estate planning at FIL's bank the next time we visit. Maybe the hermit brother could join them...

Thanks to everyone for their input. This is a kooky scenario and the outside perspective is very helpful.

[Anonymous]

Your husband ultimately will be spending 1k a month to increase the equity he and his brother both will inherit. That makes zero sense. It's like putting aside 1k a month ins bank account and giving his brother 51% when the Father dies. Better to put that money in a savings account so you can buy out the brother later on.

[Anonymous]

He is sending his father $450 a month to help him keep the home.

My husband believes brother in law won't have a choice in the matter as he ultimately will only inherit 45% of the house, which is the latest strategy. FIL wrote this in pencil in his will, so it up must be enforceable, right?

Husband basically says that owning that house is non-negotiable and that we will rent it out and make a profit someday.

For now, we are supporting FIL and his anxiety ridden pseudo retirement. I think it's ridiculous for him to keep that house and selfish to expect us to pay. My family helps us out with preschool tuition and other expenses- so ultimately my mother is helping to pay for FIL's mortgage as well.

He refuses to go to a financial planner to discuss this and just puts it on me to start generating more money.

[Anonymous]

Couple of points: if there are any pencil markings like that on the only copy if the will I suspect the will could be invalid. Which means technically the brothers could split it equally. Also your bil could for force the sale of the house even if your husband doesn't want to sell. And your bil could further leave his portion to soneone else furthering diluting family control.

Your husband is completely out if line sending money to his dad if you are taking money from your family. If I were your mom and knew that I would stop the gravy train immediately.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately you cannot say anything as you essentially SAH.
I put up with gifts too generous and totally unnecessary that my husband gives his relatives. I have bern looking for ways to stop the madness, and the only thing that works (although slowly) is pointing out that they have plenty but just don't spend wisely.
Another way would be to break down the budget and show that you truly cannot afford that.

[Anonymous]

Man, you are perfect for a call to Dave Ramsey. He would set your husband straight! If you're listeners, just recommend that DH give DR a call - the number is on the website. He takes 3 hours of calls a day. I got through the first time I tried when I had some questions. Run it by Dave - he's the voice of common sense!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is sending his father $450 a month to help him keep the home.

My husband believes brother in law won't have a choice in the matter as he ultimately will only inherit 45% of the house, which is the latest strategy. FIL wrote this in pencil in his will, so it up must be enforceable, right?

Husband basically says that owning that house is non-negotiable and that we will rent it out and make a profit someday.

For now, we are supporting FIL and his anxiety ridden pseudo retirement. I think it's ridiculous for him to keep that house and selfish to expect us to pay. My family helps us out with preschool tuition and other expenses- so ultimately my mother is helping to pay for FIL's mortgage as well.

He refuses to go to a financial planner to discuss this and just puts it on me to start generating more money.

Nooooo that's not enforceable. It has to be witnessed and notarized, at the very least!! Otherwise anyone could pencil in changes to the will.

Also - at this point it sounds like you need marriage counseling more than financial counseling. This will sink you guys like it's sinking your FIL, and no amount of financial advice is going to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is sending his father $450 a month to help him keep the home.

My husband believes brother in law won't have a choice in the matter as he ultimately will only inherit 45% of the house, which is the latest strategy. FIL wrote this in pencil in his will, so it up must be enforceable, right?

Husband basically says that owning that house is non-negotiable and that we will rent it out and make a profit someday.

For now, we are supporting FIL and his anxiety ridden pseudo retirement. I think it's ridiculous for him to keep that house and selfish to expect us to pay. My family helps us out with preschool tuition and other expenses- so ultimately my mother is helping to pay for FIL's mortgage as well.

He refuses to go to a financial planner to discuss this and just puts it on me to start generating more money.

Nooooo that's not enforceable. It has to be witnessed and notarized, at the very least!! Otherwise anyone could pencil in changes to the will.

Also - at this point it sounds like you need marriage counseling more than financial counseling. This will sink you guys like it's sinking your FIL, and no amount of financial advice is going to help.

OP here. I was joking about the penciled in part
I know this is all very absurd and yes, this ultimately will continue to strain my marriage. I am lucky that at least FIL isn't infirm and needing to live with us: $450 per month is a bargain relative to some worse scenarios...

[Anonymous]

Real estate attorney here. Your DH needs to consult with an attorney licensed where the property is located. Let's assume the "penciled-in" will is valid and DH inherits a 55% share of the house and BIL inherits a 45% share of the house. There are many scenarios that could occur after FIL dies, including, (1) BIL decides to move into the house and DH can't evict him regardles of owning a larger share, (2) BIL could go to court to force the sale of the house- in which case BIL would be entitled to 45% of the sale and DH entitled to 55%, (3) BIL never contributes $ toward the property tax bill or utilities even though he owns 45%. I don't practice in residential real estate and am sure there are a number of other scenarios that would not be in your husband's interests. If DH insists on keeping the house, it is definitely worth consulting with a lawyer to make sure that at least his interests are protected after FIL dies. Under the current scenario, they are not and it sounds like BIL will be getting a small windfall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Real estate attorney here. Your DH needs to consult with an attorney licensed where the property is located. Let's assume the "penciled-in" will is valid and DH inherits a 55% share of the house and BIL inherits a 45% share of the house. There are many scenarios that could occur after FIL dies, including, (1) BIL decides to move into the house and DH can't evict him regardles of owning a larger share, (2) BIL could go to court to force the sale of the house- in which case BIL would be entitled to 45% of the sale and DH entitled to 55%, (3) BIL never contributes $ toward the property tax bill or utilities even though he owns 45%. I don't practice in residential real estate and am sure there are a number of other scenarios that would not be in your husband's interests. If DH insists on keeping the house, it is definitely worth consulting with a lawyer to make sure that at least his interests are protected after FIL dies. Under the current scenario, they are not and it sounds like BIL will be getting a small windfall.

Thank you for sharing your professional opinion with me; it is so very helpful. I suspect BIL has no money to contribute to the house and we don't have enough money to buy him out.

[Anonymous]

Can your FIL get a reverse mortgage on the home?