Splitting costs between siblings when incomes vary

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an issue among my ex and my former BIL/SILs. He makes much less, but they have many more kids. They are unwilling to split the resort bill as a share among the 10 grandkids rather than by household.
For the last 5 years to ensure our kid gets to participate in family vacations, etc. I have subsidized his share. It runs me $200 on average. It is painful for me to write that check for a "family vacation" I'll never attend, but our kid has such a great time that I consider it money well spent.

I don't mean this to sound snarky at all because money is tight for many people including us--but if it hurts to write a $200 check for your kid to go on a family vacation--then really, you can't afford any sort of vacation. Do you mean that you send your kid to this vacay? Are you sure it's not just the resentment that hurts and not the actual money? $200 is a very small amount to spend for a kid's vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother in law is turning 70 and has recently fought some health issues so we are throwing a somewhat big celebration. We have 5 siblings who are going in on the suprise celebration. I am the main one planning the party and I keep ppl posted as costs acrue to make sure it's ok with everyone, however I am starting to wonder if I am asking too much of ppl. These are the per sibling costs so far: 70 towards hall rental, 60 towards food, 15 towards gift, 10 towards cake, 15 towards family portrait and 8.50 for matching shirts the grandchildren wore in the portrait. That's roughly 180 per sibling (depending on how many portrait shirts they had to buy) plus the cost of actually attending the party (meaning everyone needs to hire a sitter for their own kids). 3 out of 5 siblings can pay this with NO problem while the other 2 sibs make considerably less. I am thinking of absorbing the costs for those 2 families myself but I don't know if that's unfair/over stepping boundaries/ perhaps offensive? DH thinks its fine to charge everyone but I am feeling slightly guilty.

MIL had 5 kids and the DIL is planning an event at a wine bar for her 70th birthday and having t shirts made up for people to put on grandkids who aren't invited? This is odd and the gift is $75? The meal is $30 apiece and the cake is $50. Where's the hall if it's a wine bar? MIL is 70 not 25. At weddings the older folk don't usually hang out at the wine bar post reception. Have a luncheon at a restaurant in a room where all can bring kids. Why not have an afternoon potluck bbque where people can relax and bring dishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother in law is turning 70 and has recently fought some health issues so we are throwing a somewhat big celebration. We have 5 siblings who are going in on the suprise celebration. I am the main one planning the party and I keep ppl posted as costs acrue to make sure it's ok with everyone, however I am starting to wonder if I am asking too much of ppl. These are the per sibling costs so far: 70 towards hall rental, 60 towards food, 15 towards gift, 10 towards cake, 15 towards family portrait and 8.50 for matching shirts the grandchildren wore in the portrait. That's roughly 180 per sibling (depending on how many portrait shirts they had to buy) plus the cost of actually attending the party (meaning everyone needs to hire a sitter for their own kids). 3 out of 5 siblings can pay this with NO problem while the other 2 sibs make considerably less. I am thinking of absorbing the costs for those 2 families myself but I don't know if that's unfair/over stepping boundaries/ perhaps offensive? DH thinks its fine to charge everyone but I am feeling slightly guilty.

MIL had 5 kids and the DIL is planning an event at a wine bar for her 70th birthday and having t shirts made up for people to put on grandkids who aren't invited? This is odd and the gift is $75? The meal is $30 apiece and the cake is $50. Where's the hall if it's a wine bar? MIL is 70 not 25. At weddings the older folk don't usually hang out at the wine bar post reception. Have a luncheon at a restaurant in a room where all can bring kids. Why not have an afternoon potluck bbque where people can relax and bring dishes.

OP here. The shirts were matching shirts that the kids all wore in a portrait we had done for MIL, which goes with her gift. The venue (which I referred to as a hall out of old habit, growing up parties were always at local "halls") is a wine bar that MIL loves, she has been a wine lover her whole life and I assure you the venue fits the person perfectly. We all wanted a kids free evening. My inlaws may be "older folks" but they still enjoy a night out and some good wine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother in law is turning 70 and has recently fought some health issues so we are throwing a somewhat big celebration. We have 5 siblings who are going in on the suprise celebration. I am the main one planning the party and I keep ppl posted as costs acrue to make sure it's ok with everyone, however I am starting to wonder if I am asking too much of ppl. These are the per sibling costs so far: 70 towards hall rental, 60 towards food, 15 towards gift, 10 towards cake, 15 towards family portrait and 8.50 for matching shirts the grandchildren wore in the portrait. That's roughly 180 per sibling (depending on how many portrait shirts they had to buy) plus the cost of actually attending the party (meaning everyone needs to hire a sitter for their own kids). 3 out of 5 siblings can pay this with NO problem while the other 2 sibs make considerably less. I am thinking of absorbing the costs for those 2 families myself but I don't know if that's unfair/over stepping boundaries/ perhaps offensive? DH thinks its fine to charge everyone but I am feeling slightly guilty.

MIL had 5 kids and the DIL is planning an event at a wine bar for her 70th birthday and having t shirts made up for people to put on grandkids who aren't invited? This is odd and the gift is $75? The meal is $30 apiece and the cake is $50. Where's the hall if it's a wine bar? MIL is 70 not 25. At weddings the older folk don't usually hang out at the wine bar post reception. Have a luncheon at a restaurant in a room where all can bring kids. Why not have an afternoon potluck bbque where people can relax and bring dishes.

OP here. The shirts were matching shirts that the kids all wore in a portrait we had done for MIL, which goes with her gift. The venue (which I referred to as a hall out of old habit, growing up parties were always at local "halls") is a wine bar that MIL loves, she has been a wine lover her whole life and I assure you the venue fits the person perfectly. We all wanted a kids free evening. My inlaws may be "older folks" but they still enjoy a night out and some good wine.

PP here. So the shirts have been bought and paid for by each child's parent. Or are you out the money awaiting reimbursement? If you have been reimbursed for the gift and the shirts, I would email everyone that the wine bar will divide the entire bill by 5 that evening [your bill net of any deposit] and you will provide the $50 cake for the party. It's nice you stepped up and planned the event since none of her other 4 children [minus your DH] seem to have done anything but hassle you.

If they haven't paid you yet for the shirts and gifts you have another easy option. If you're out for the gifts , shirts , etc the amount might exceed 150 so email all that you will now foot the bill for gifts/shirts/cake and the wine bar bill that night will be divided by 4.