Destination Bat Mitzvah
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Anonymous
Indeed. |
Anonymous
| I've never heard of an Israel bar mitzvah that included people beyond immediate family. |
Anonymous
| Umm just say no? If they don't understand - I don't know what to say.... |
Anonymous
Indeed +1 Apparently self-absorption knows no boundaries in today's world. Amazing. |
Anonymous
| I agree. I've never heard of an Israeli Bar or Bat Mitzvah that extended beyond the immediate family. Usually this is viewed as the less expensive and more meaningfull option than having the Bar Mitzvah here complete with a party that rivals a wedding reception. |
Anonymous
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OP here. Guess I've been exposed to a strange varient of Israeli Bat Mitzvah! There were over 30 people who attended the dual event. I think some wealthy relatives helped significantly with funding, but since we had at least 2 other compelling reasons it wouldn't work, we didn't even get that far.
My brother's family are really wonder, family oriented people. THey rearranged their lives significantly when my brother's wife's brother got married accross the country. Flying out severeal times for various bachlor/bachlorette events, showers, and the main event. I know they really, really didn't want to attend these things, but they sucked it up and did it for family. However, they will also go to the same trouble just to help out family whenever they are needed. So this really isn't self absorbed, as they are totally willing to reciprocate. So, a lot of my guilt is self imposed. But I'm not looking forward to when this becomes definite. (Still small hope that when they price this out, they realize its kind of insane. One doesn't fly to Israel for a 3 day event, and the longer tours, at best, are several thousand per person + plane tickets) |
Anonymous
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Bat Mitzvahs are so odd these days. I was invited to the service for one last week, but not the party. So, you want me to drive for 5 hours to sit through your kid's speech and not even offer me some hummus and Maneschevitz? Gah!
Would you throw a wedding and not invite guests to the reception? I would rather not be invited. |
Anonymous
| PP^^ That is strange too. There wasn't even an oneg? Sigh. I'm so glad that my synagogue has a culture of really subdued Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. |
Anonymous
No oneg. This was at Washington Hebrew. Klassy. |
Anonymous
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Sounds like a way to get out of the pricey "let's rival a wedding reception" event. If you have the money and want to flaunt it, then do so. But for every family to be in this financial pressure cooker because of the need to keep up with the Jones's?
There are other ways as well to make a show for money. Besides, is this the kind of life lesson your kid needs to learn right now |
Anonymous
| Its really hard to expect people to make that kind of commitment of time and money to go to Israel for the BM, BUT Israel is a fantastic place to go for a vacation. Get over yourself about the politics and if you decide to go make sure you visit all of the amazing places that you can only see in Israel. |
Anonymous
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OP here. Honestly, that's the approach I was getting from relatives for the last event, and it still kind of sets my teeth on edge.
I recognize Israel is a great vacation destinaton for many families and a very meaninful visit for many people. However, for us, it is not meaningful in terms of our Judiasm (again, just a personal perspective.. I don't expect anyone to share this), nor is it the sort of vacation that we would choose to take. (last event had 7 full days of bus touring. Not our style for any destination) If we go, it would be because, and only because, we want to be at the Bat Mitzvah and spend vacation time with family. So, honestly, the 7-10 day bus tour of sites isn't a plus. I responding to this because I think its a general sentiment that comes accross in destination anythings....Hey! You can come to our event and get a fantastic vacation too! Much of the time, when I'm not choosing the location, itinerary, pricing, timing, etc, it's a pretty lean chance that it is actually a fantastic vacation opportunity. |
Anonymous
Oh so they expect you to come to the Bat Mitzvah AND join their vacation tour as well? This is getting crazier by the minute. I hate bus yours and would never go for that! But Israel is actually quite easy to explore on your own, and just meet up with your family for the actual Bat Mitzvah. But if that would even be frowned upon, your family is seriously out of touch with reality. I'm not saying you should feel obligated to go either way, just that if you did go, there are other wonderful ways to see the country besides on a bus for 7 days. |
Anonymous
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OP again. I can't say specifically about future event, as it's simply been a mention that its upcoming. But I've been basing my assumptions on the past event. Which, yes, was a 10 day tour with Bat Mitzvah at the end. It was my first exposure to anything like this sort of event, so I was just assuming this was how it was done.
Interesting how it occurs differently for different people, but even though I have the nerve to decline, no way would I travel over there and do a separate vacation! The excuses of money, time, and inability to schedule are pretty air tight. Once you overcome those, I'd never live down not being with everyone just because we preferred not to be on a bus! |
Anonymous
| OP, what if only you fly in just for the shabbat dinner, BM, and the immediate aftermath? I don't think you should be expected to take your whole family, but sometimes you have to take one for the team. |