Single mom and two toddlers on $60,000/year

[Anonymous]

$60k with barely any housing costs is plenty. We live on only a little more than that with a mortgage payment and 2 adults.

So yes you could leave, but only you know whether that's the best thing for you and your family.

[Anonymous]

My strong feeling is that, since you didn't get married or have kids for financial reasons, you should consider the whole situation before you make this decision. Finances are important. But that's not the only factor.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am a single mom with a toddler living on about what you live on. I have housing expenses, but no childcare expenses as my ex pays for that. It's hard, I won't lie. But not as hard as being in a miserable marriage is. I assume that you wanted to know about the financial aspect, rather than the emotional aspect of divorce, which is why this topic is in the Money forum instead of the Relationship forum and will leave my thoughts on the subject at that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You never stay in a marriage for financial reason or for children. You will be miserable! You stay because you love your spouse and want to build something together, when/if it doesn't work, it is time for you to go, regardless of how hard it is. You will make it! Your child will be happier, it is better for children to be in 2 homes than to be raised in a broken home. I don't believe the only reason why someone should leave is because they are being abused, are you people for real? So unless someone is being abused, if they are miserable , they are supposed to stay and deal with it? I was making the same amount of money when I left my marriage and I had a toddler as well, no alimony, no child support, no family around, no friends, I won't say it is easy, but you get used to it, learn what's important and in the end you are happier and I never regretted my decision a bit. My child is happy and so am I. I will never stay in a marriage for financial reasons and a lot of women stay in bad marriages for fear, fear to make it on their own, fear of society, fear of the unknown, ect but you know what, in the end you will be alright and stronger! Do what feels right for you and your children, and good luck!

Being the single mom of one child is a lot easier than struggling with two toddlers. I agree you never stay in a miserable marriage for financial reasons or fear and I agree if OP really wants to leave it's doable. She has substantial start up resources (stable housing and a decent enough income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's what is right with America. She could take advantage of a temporary safety net until she's back on her feet.

How is she going to "get back on her feet" by working fewer hours just to qualify for welfare?

Well, the kids will grow and get older, and there is time. OP has a lot of time to devote to a career, but she does not have to do so now.
Holding a full time job with toddlers is challenging. They get sick and day care will not take them. You can also never work overtime without knowing ahead of time, it really gets exhausting. A mother must look after herself as well. The kids even need dr appointments.
Very hard to find a flexible employer, or a position with a high enough salary and the fflexibility. Until the salarries go up and the flexibility is availabe, this is how it goes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's what is right with America. She could take advantage of a temporary safety net until she's back on her feet.

How is she going to "get back on her feet" by working fewer hours just to qualify for welfare?

Well, the kids will grow and get older, and there is time. OP has a lot of time to devote to a career, but she does not have to do so now.
Holding a full time job with toddlers is challenging. They get sick and day care will not take them. You can also never work overtime without knowing ahead of time, it really gets exhausting. A mother must look after herself as well. The kids even need dr appointments.
Very hard to find a flexible employer, or a position with a high enough salary and the fflexibility. Until the salarries go up and the flexibility is availabe, this is how it goes

Just because she is leaving her marriage doesnt mean she has to be the only one dealing with flexibility, scheduling, drs appointment issues, ect. Those will be shared with her ex as well as he is also a Parent, she doesnt have to do it all alone just because she is leaving. She can still keep her job and make it work and the older hte kids get the easier it will be. The dad will have to step up and stay home with the kids when they are sick sometimes as he is also a parent, she doesnt have to do it alone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Just because she is leaving her marriage doesnt mean she has to be the only one dealing with flexibility, scheduling, drs appointment issues, ect. Those will be shared with her ex as well as he is also a Parent, she doesnt have to do it all alone just because she is leaving. She can still keep her job and make it work and the older hte kids get the easier it will be. The dad will have to step up and stay home with the kids when they are sick sometimes as he is also a parent, she doesnt have to do it alone

Sure, in theory, but what if he doesn't feel like it? No one can make him. And divorce tends to make dads even less cooperative and caring than they were during the marriage.

[Anonymous]

How about delay your decision in a few years. Let's toddlers grow a little older and try to save a few more $$ unless your ready can not live with the man.

[Anonymous]

Life was never as hard as when we had two small children. It was so tough for a while, but it definitely got better as the children became more independent. Our marriage is stronger than ever now. So, I guess I would recommend seeing if it is just the stress of raising young children before you try to live in an one bedroom house w/ 3 people which isn't sustainable more than a couple of years.

[Anonymous]

Waiting another year will make a huge difference, esp if you live in DC where preschool can be free. I am a single mom of 1 on that salary and with DC in PreK now, life is good and easy. With two, its rough at that age.

[Anonymous]

I think that infants and toddlers bring out the worst in marriages! Once they get to a certain age, you can refocus on your marriage again. Before you call an attorney, I suggest having a heart to heart with your husband and take a trip just the two of you. See if you still want to work things out or if you are just in different places. My husband and I took a weekend away and it was amazing how we went from the constant stress of home, bickering at one another to talking to one another again. For sake of your kids, you have to at least give it a try.

[Anonymous]

Well, I left before the crappy and verbally abusive marriage got to beatings. On $30K. Withone toddler. Not sorry. Not at all.

But I am not you, OP. Only you can make this decision. Remember that two toddlers is a strain on anyone's sanity, and you might just need a nap instead of a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Unless you and the kids are being abused, don't do it unless you have a strong support network. Wait until the kids are older and more independent.

[Anonymous]

I am really surprised how sadly dependent on their husbands some of the posters are. The housing costs are the biggest costs and of course you can live in a 1 bedroom condo. I lived in a studio when my DS was younger. We moved into a one bedroom when he was 4 or so. I saved and saved and we moved into a 2 bedroom condo when he was in 3rd grade. Only you can make this choice but don't draw it out forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am really surprised how sadly dependent on their husbands some of the posters are. The housing costs are the biggest costs and of course you can live in a 1 bedroom condo. I lived in a studio when my DS was younger. We moved into a one bedroom when he was 4 or so. I saved and saved and we moved into a 2 bedroom condo when he was in 3rd grade. Only you can make this choice but don't draw it out forever.

My SIL makes what you do, has a 7 and 2 year old and is almost having a nervous breakdown from the stress. I think PPs are just trying to be honest.