getting through church with a chatty 2-year-old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being books and quiet toys that he only sees at church. I usually bring a small bag (we have one of the smallest Ll bean canvas totes) and that bag has special church stuff.

But he is 2, he is going to talk some. Just sit in the back, keep reminding him to talk quietly and leave for a few minutes if you need to. He will learn, eventually.

OP here- that's a good idea to have books/toys that are just for church. Does anyone know of a book about the Catholic mass for toddlers? I was thinking that would help if he could see pictures about it.

9:24 here

did you see the book I linked above?

OP here - I think I was posting right when you were! I will definitely order this book - thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a kid who's about to turn 3 and he's a total Chatty Cathy. We do what others have done- sit in the back, near an exit, where we can easily make a getaway. We've also done the cry room, but I find that sitting in there sometimes seems to make my kids' behavior worse, so we usually only use it now for quick visits. I also will take him downstairs during the homily if he needs it. I am torn btwn bringing them to church when they're younger- if they don't go, they won't get used to it, but on the other hand, going with them is so distracting to us as parents.[/quote

OP here - yes, this is exactly how I feel. At our church (which is pretty big), there is no cry room (or nursery), but there is a big vestibule in the back and that's where a lot of the people with toddlers hang out. I hate taking him out there, though, because it doesn't set a good example and just makes his behavior worse. Most of the kids out there are just running around, playing with trucks on the ground, etc.

Our theory is that if we never take him (or if we let him "play" in the back of the church), he will never learn, but on the other hand we're not getting much out of it these days and the two of us always end up feeling so frazzled by the end that we often wonder if it's worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a kid who's about to turn 3 and he's a total Chatty Cathy. We do what others have done- sit in the back, near an exit, where we can easily make a getaway. We've also done the cry room, but I find that sitting in there sometimes seems to make my kids' behavior worse, so we usually only use it now for quick visits. I also will take him downstairs during the homily if he needs it. I am torn btwn bringing them to church when they're younger- if they don't go, they won't get used to it, but on the other hand, going with them is so distracting to us as parents.[/quote

OP here - yes, this is exactly how I feel. At our church (which is pretty big), there is no cry room (or nursery), but there is a big vestibule in the back and that's where a lot of the people with toddlers hang out. I hate taking him out there, though, because it doesn't set a good example and just makes his behavior worse. Most of the kids out there are just running around, playing with trucks on the ground, etc.

Our theory is that if we never take him (or if we let him "play" in the back of the church), he will never learn, but on the other hand we're not getting much out of it these days and the two of us always end up feeling so frazzled by the end that we often wonder if it's worth it.

Not to be mean, but you should let him play! He's two. Other churches have play rooms, for a good reason. It is totally unrealistic to expect a 2 year old to sit silently through a service.

Seriously. He's got years ahead of him to be indoctrinated. Why don't you try again when he is four.

[Anonymous]

I completely understand, OP. I also had well-behaved yet chatty toddlers. (Ok, sometimes they were not so well-behaved, but still chatty.) And I also valued attending church together, as a family. We started going directly into the cry-room at church, but like you, OP, we noticed that they were not really learning how to behave at church. Now we sit in the actual church, but in the back.

We have this book: http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Come-Church-Virginia-Esquinaldo/dp/0819811645/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1365447877&sr=8-1&keywords=baby+come+to+church that maybe is too young for your two year old, but mine still like it.

One thing that helped (sometimes) was sitting in the front, that way he could "see" what Father was doing and not just at rows and rows and rows of people's backs. We only did this when I suspected that my kids were in good moods. If there was a bit of fuss before church, we did NOT attempt this! But it worked really well when they were happy kids!

Mine are 3 and 4 now. And we still have church days when I need to "shush" them. But you know what my sons played today on their own? Mass. My oldest read a Gospel story and then gave a homily to his stuffed animals. And his brother was the altar boy and helped distribute communion. So even when it seems as if they're not paying attention, they are.

[Anonymous]

If the church has a nursery or toddler play room, then you are expected to put your kids there if they cannot sit quietly.

Duh!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I completely understand, OP. I also had well-behaved yet chatty toddlers. (Ok, sometimes they were not so well-behaved, but still chatty.) And I also valued attending church together, as a family. We started going directly into the cry-room at church, but like you, OP, we noticed that they were not really learning how to behave at church. Now we sit in the actual church, but in the back.

We have this book: http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Come-Church-Virginia-Esquinaldo/dp/0819811645/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1365447877&sr=8-1&keywords=baby+come+to+church that maybe is too young for your two year old, but mine still like it.

One thing that helped (sometimes) was sitting in the front, that way he could "see" what Father was doing and not just at rows and rows and rows of people's backs. We only did this when I suspected that my kids were in good moods. If there was a bit of fuss before church, we did NOT attempt this! But it worked really well when they were happy kids!

Mine are 3 and 4 now. And we still have church days when I need to "shush" them. But you know what my sons played today on their own? Mass. My oldest read a Gospel story and then gave a homily to his stuffed animals. And his brother was the altar boy and helped distribute communion. So even when it seems as if they're not paying attention, they are.

PP - this is so cute!! Thank you so much for this. And this book looks like exactly what I was looking for. Thank you. We really want to continue trying to attend church as a family, even if it means we don't make it through the entire mass each week.

[Anonymous]

What kind of church doesn't welcome children? Bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Jesus said, "Leave the children alone, and don't try to keep them from coming to Me, because the kingdom of heaven is made up of people like this."

http://bible.cc/matthew/19-14.htm

If your church has a problem with kids, you may need to find a new church.

[Anonymous]

If the church has a nursery or toddler play room, then you are expected to put your kids there if they cannot sit quietly.

Duh!!!

Some kids hate the nursery and will cry non-stop in there. So either their parents stay in the nursery the whole time & miss church entirely (so there was no reason to leave the house, really), or the child is miserable and makes other kids anxious. I'd rather they be content and with their parents, even if they are sometimes chatty. Parents can always sit in the back & take them out if they are making too much noise. Being part of a church means being part of a community -- and there will always be people in the community who bug you. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

Our now 3yr old is pretty well behaved, with exceptions.

Cheerios or other non-messy finger snacks. Quiet books or other toys that he doesn't see during the week.

Try to sit in the same spot every week. You get to know and recognize the people around you and they tend to become a bit more tolerant of your little one. The old ladies behind us love DD, she gives them all hugs and kisses and they'll play peek-a-boo or something to distract her if she's getting antsy.

When she does squawk we take her out to the atrium. However, that is not playtime. She does not get to run around or play. She is held or stands with us until she is ready to return to church. I.e., there isn't a reward for acting up in church.

Also, maybe a fun post-church tradition tied to good behavior? Maybe going to the coffee & doughnuts social afterwards, but only if he's been good?

I love kids, but think that talking kids and crying babies are like talking adults. A bare minimum happens, but beyond that it is inappropriate and distracting. Best to remove the child and then wash-rinse-repeat until they learn that church is quiet time.

[Anonymous]

We have the same problem, and no cry room either. We joke that we will just have to change parishes when our little ones are older so no one remembers these years. Really though, I think most people are understanding, and I imagine your little one is louder to you than anyone else. By the way, I have no real advice because I am in the same boat.

[Anonymous]

Cloth finger puppets.
Those little sticker scene books.
Snacks, if you are okay with that.

[Anonymous]

Also try attending various Mass times and see if one is a better "fit" for your family. Our Saturday vigil is very casual vs. the midmorning Sunday Mass which is formal with the adult choir. And earlier morning Mass is the "family Mass" and a chatty toddler would be in his element there. We loved to go to that one, especially when the church's children's choir would sing. My little ones loved watching and listening the kids. In our parish, people are very forgiving of chatty little ones and those who need to move around a bit. It's only when someone is disruptive to the point that other people can't hear the service that you can see folks get a little agitated. I'm all for keeping them in the bench even if they are a little itchy or talkative, but if they're having a full-on tantrum or crying hard, by all means step out and regroup!

Mostly it's just a big lesson on learning how to behave in a quiet setting and it takes time. I give you credit for taking your little ones and doing this. My kids were always pretty good in church as little ones and it made easier to take them other places that required them to control their behavior. I know some people argue that children's behavior should never be stifled, but I guess I'm an old-fashioned fan of learning self-control.