New 9th graders / transfer kids outperforming the "lifers"

[Anonymous]

Why would any lifer care what you think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Amazing how many of you have actually engaged in this ugly discussion. Yay! My child is smarter than those other children! I'm such a great parent!

Ugh.

Not OP, in fact a NP. But you guys seem to be focusing on one small part of OP's post, which was the three words: "outperform the lifers."

The rest of OP's post, which contained many more words, asked whether going to a Big 3 for elementary school was worth it in terms of preparing your kid for a competitive high school. I think that's a valid question. If your kid can learn good work habits and a love of learning at many schools in the area, is it worth all the stress you see on DCUM about getting into Sidwell for K?

[Anonymous]

Not sure this theory holds up particularly well. A fairly recent group of NCS grads had only two or three ninth grade entry students in the top 20%. Lifers were may two or three as well. Majority seem to be added at MS. Could have been an odd year.

But yeah, pre k does not really seem to be the best time to assess academic skills.

[Anonymous]

Do they rank the kids and distribute this information to the parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do they rank the kids and distribute this information to the parents?

I do not believe so. But I do know that every year at STA, after the prizes and honors are conferred on the senior class, there is chatter among the parents and even some school administrators about how the Beauvoir boys did in that regard. I think among parents it's partially because these families who went the distance have known each other for over a decade and become close, and it's partially because of the notion discussed at places like DCUM and elsewhere that recent transfers "outperform" the lifers. Among the administration, I think when lifers do well, it shows that the AD made the right call 8 years prior, and also reflects a certain fondness I believe that exists between the school admin and the lifers. For one thing, they've just known them for so much longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Amazing how many of you have actually engaged in this ugly discussion. Yay! My child is smarter than those other children! I'm such a great parent!

Ugh.

Not OP, in fact a NP. But you guys seem to be focusing on one small part of OP's post, which was the three words: "outperform the lifers."

The rest of OP's post, which contained many more words, asked whether going to a Big 3 for elementary school was worth it in terms of preparing your kid for a competitive high school. I think that's a valid question. If your kid can learn good work habits and a love of learning at many schools in the area, is it worth all the stress you see on DCUM about getting into Sidwell for K?

Not OP either, but I think you have highlighted the most compelling part of all of this. I have always believed its too hard to predict what my childrens' needs will be 3, 5, 7, 10, etc years out, since I am not a psychic and don't own a crystal ball! Your delightful 4 year old will evolve and change into a young adolescent who you may not recognize at all! So with school choice, like anything else, you just continue to evaluate and adjust as necessary. Many, many people start at one school and then move to another. The thing that bugs me about this board is that when a person gets an admission to Beauvoir/NCS/STA, Sidwell, GDS or Maret, the reaction is as if they have won the lottery. I wish more respect was shown on this board for all of the wonderful schools in the DC area. My goodness, aren't we fortunate to have so many amazing public, charter, private, independent and/or parochial options to choose from. My feeling about most things in life is if you like it, I love it. Different strokes for different folks. I have one child that went all the way through a Big 3, graduated and is now at Villanova, another who had to leave that same Big 3 at 3rd grade (and transferred to what you all would call a "2nd tier private K-8 and then public HS -- is an 11th grader now -- btw, the counseling out process was handled HORRIBLY by the school, they were so dismissive and mean) and third child who was always been in public school and is currently a middle schooler. Quite honestly, at the lower grades, the Big 3 was NO better than the 2nd tier private, or MoCo public. People just want the cachet of a big name school. We found the parent body to be obnoxious, pretentious and overbearing and the academic requirements to be stressful from the earliest grades for no reason. 3 hours of homework for a 2nd grader? We've just always tried to find the best match for each of our kids. Quite honestly, our best experience school-wise, as it relates to all around great experience was at the private K-8. I think the nicest and most grounded & down to earth people send their kids to K-8 schools. And thats reflected in their kids. When I started this school journey, it was BIg 3 or bust. Honestly, I have learned through the process that things are not perfect ANYWHERE and school cachet is a bunch of malarkey. Do whats best for your kid, pay attention and then adjust course when its necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ick. This isn't a competition. Pick the school thats right for your DC. If your idea is that the goal is for your DC to "outperform" other children, I hope you don't send them to my DC's school.

Of course it's a competition. Can't you read between the lines?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Amazing how many of you have actually engaged in this ugly discussion. Yay! My child is smarter than those other children! I'm such a great parent!

Ugh.

Not OP, in fact a NP. But you guys seem to be focusing on one small part of OP's post, which was the three words: "outperform the lifers."

The rest of OP's post, which contained many more words, asked whether going to a Big 3 for elementary school was worth it in terms of preparing your kid for a competitive high school. I think that's a valid question. If your kid can learn good work habits and a love of learning at many schools in the area, is it worth all the stress you see on DCUM about getting into Sidwell for K?

Not OP either, but I think you have highlighted the most compelling part of all of this. I have always believed its too hard to predict what my childrens' needs will be 3, 5, 7, 10, etc years out, since I am not a psychic and don't own a crystal ball! Your delightful 4 year old will evolve and change into a young adolescent who you may not recognize at all! So with school choice, like anything else, you just continue to evaluate and adjust as necessary. Many, many people start at one school and then move to another. The thing that bugs me about this board is that when a person gets an admission to Beauvoir/NCS/STA, Sidwell, GDS or Maret, the reaction is as if they have won the lottery. I wish more respect was shown on this board for all of the wonderful schools in the DC area. My goodness, aren't we fortunate to have so many amazing public, charter, private, independent and/or parochial options to choose from. My feeling about most things in life is if you like it, I love it. Different strokes for different folks. I have one child that went all the way through a Big 3, graduated and is now at Villanova, another who had to leave that same Big 3 at 3rd grade (and transferred to what you all would call a "2nd tier private K-8 and then public HS -- is an 11th grader now -- btw, the counseling out process was handled HORRIBLY by the school, they were so dismissive and mean) and third child who was always been in public school and is currently a middle schooler. Quite honestly, at the lower grades, the Big 3 was NO better than the 2nd tier private, or MoCo public. People just want the cachet of a big name school. We found the parent body to be obnoxious, pretentious and overbearing and the academic requirements to be stressful from the earliest grades for no reason. 3 hours of homework for a 2nd grader? We've just always tried to find the best match for each of our kids. Quite honestly, our best experience school-wise, as it relates to all around great experience was at the private K-8. I think the nicest and most grounded & down to earth people send their kids to K-8 schools. And thats reflected in their kids. When I started this school journey, it was BIg 3 or bust. Honestly, I have learned through the process that things are not perfect ANYWHERE and school cachet is a bunch of malarkey. Do whats best for your kid, pay attention and then adjust course when its necessary.

I've had a similar experience of a child who left a "big 3" -- not for academic reasons but because of a bad social dynamic. The change to a "lower tier" school has been incredibly illuminating. DC is still engaged academically, is in fact getting more out of classes because the focus is on learning and not competition, and is happy. And his classmates are happy. Looking back, I wonder how many kids at his previous school were actually happy. We're talking upper school. The ones who seemed happy, in retrospect, were still highly stressed out. There's a life lesson here. Why do we as parents put up with the idea of our kids being stressed out and unhappy because of the prestige of a school? Why do we care about their grades more than their happiness?

DC will go to a very competitive college, I'm sure. And he won't arrive burnt out. I know there are parents at his former school who think he bailed because he was somehow not cut out for the place (and right there is a red flag -- why do you have to be cut out for a place, in high school?) but the jokes on them because I have a happy, intellectually engaged child. Do they?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Amazing how many of you have actually engaged in this ugly discussion. Yay! My child is smarter than those other children! I'm such a great parent!

Ugh.

Not OP, in fact a NP. But you guys seem to be focusing on one small part of OP's post, which was the three words: "outperform the lifers."

The rest of OP's post, which contained many more words, asked whether going to a Big 3 for elementary school was worth it in terms of preparing your kid for a competitive high school. I think that's a valid question. If your kid can learn good work habits and a love of learning at many schools in the area, is it worth all the stress you see on DCUM about getting into Sidwell for K?

Not OP either, but I think you have highlighted the most compelling part of all of this. I have always believed its too hard to predict what my childrens' needs will be 3, 5, 7, 10, etc years out, since I am not a psychic and don't own a crystal ball! Your delightful 4 year old will evolve and change into a young adolescent who you may not recognize at all! So with school choice, like anything else, you just continue to evaluate and adjust as necessary. Many, many people start at one school and then move to another. The thing that bugs me about this board is that when a person gets an admission to Beauvoir/NCS/STA, Sidwell, GDS or Maret, the reaction is as if they have won the lottery. I wish more respect was shown on this board for all of the wonderful schools in the DC area. My goodness, aren't we fortunate to have so many amazing public, charter, private, independent and/or parochial options to choose from. My feeling about most things in life is if you like it, I love it. Different strokes for different folks. I have one child that went all the way through a Big 3, graduated and is now at Villanova, another who had to leave that same Big 3 at 3rd grade (and transferred to what you all would call a "2nd tier private K-8 and then public HS -- is an 11th grader now -- btw, the counseling out process was handled HORRIBLY by the school, they were so dismissive and mean) and third child who was always been in public school and is currently a middle schooler. Quite honestly, at the lower grades, the Big 3 was NO better than the 2nd tier private, or MoCo public. People just want the cachet of a big name school. We found the parent body to be obnoxious, pretentious and overbearing and the academic requirements to be stressful from the earliest grades for no reason. 3 hours of homework for a 2nd grader? We've just always tried to find the best match for each of our kids. Quite honestly, our best experience school-wise, as it relates to all around great experience was at the private K-8. I think the nicest and most grounded & down to earth people send their kids to K-8 schools. And thats reflected in their kids. When I started this school journey, it was BIg 3 or bust. Honestly, I have learned through the process that things are not perfect ANYWHERE and school cachet is a bunch of malarkey. Do whats best for your kid, pay attention and then adjust course when its necessary.

I've had a similar experience of a child who left a "big 3" -- not for academic reasons but because of a bad social dynamic. The change to a "lower tier" school has been incredibly illuminating. DC is still engaged academically, is in fact getting more out of classes because the focus is on learning and not competition, and is happy. And his classmates are happy. Looking back, I wonder how many kids at his previous school were actually happy. We're talking upper school. The ones who seemed happy, in retrospect, were still highly stressed out. There's a life lesson here. Why do we as parents put up with the idea of our kids being stressed out and unhappy because of the prestige of a school? Why do we care about their grades more than their happiness?

DC will go to a very competitive college, I'm sure. And he won't arrive burnt out. I know there are parents at his former school who think he bailed because he was somehow not cut out for the place (and right there is a red flag -- why do you have to be cut out for a place, in high school?) but the jokes on them because I have a happy, intellectually engaged child. Do they?

I am happy for your child.

I also have no doubt he is happier.

I don't think any of this is a joking matter, but yes, if you (your DS really) has lost anything, it is the ability to wear the "badge" of graduating from a Big 3 with him for the rest of his life. He has also lost the social network which these schools build and foster to help propel him up and forward in life. Put simply, some doors which may have been so easily opened for him down the road may no longer be available, or may be much harder to pry open.

[Anonymous]

That last post is just pathetic. Our children graduated from or currently attend a Big 3, and the notion that it will pave a golden path through life for them is laughable. My 2 oldest are now in college; it took the oldest about a month to figure out and report to us that "people here don't give a shit where you went to high school."

Look, our kids got a good secondary school education, which prepared them well for college, but they don't have a secret handshake and doors will not magically open for them as they go through life. That might have been true 50 years ago, but not anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Amazing how many of you have actually engaged in this ugly discussion. Yay! My child is smarter than those other children! I'm such a great parent!

Ugh.

Not OP, in fact a NP. But you guys seem to be focusing on one small part of OP's post, which was the three words: "outperform the lifers."

The rest of OP's post, which contained many more words, asked whether going to a Big 3 for elementary school was worth it in terms of preparing your kid for a competitive high school. I think that's a valid question. If your kid can learn good work habits and a love of learning at many schools in the area, is it worth all the stress you see on DCUM about getting into Sidwell for K?

Not OP either, but I think you have highlighted the most compelling part of all of this. I have always believed its too hard to predict what my childrens' needs will be 3, 5, 7, 10, etc years out, since I am not a psychic and don't own a crystal ball! Your delightful 4 year old will evolve and change into a young adolescent who you may not recognize at all! So with school choice, like anything else, you just continue to evaluate and adjust as necessary. Many, many people start at one school and then move to another. The thing that bugs me about this board is that when a person gets an admission to Beauvoir/NCS/STA, Sidwell, GDS or Maret, the reaction is as if they have won the lottery. I wish more respect was shown on this board for all of the wonderful schools in the DC area. My goodness, aren't we fortunate to have so many amazing public, charter, private, independent and/or parochial options to choose from. My feeling about most things in life is if you like it, I love it. Different strokes for different folks. I have one child that went all the way through a Big 3, graduated and is now at Villanova, another who had to leave that same Big 3 at 3rd grade (and transferred to what you all would call a "2nd tier private K-8 and then public HS -- is an 11th grader now -- btw, the counseling out process was handled HORRIBLY by the school, they were so dismissive and mean) and third child who was always been in public school and is currently a middle schooler. Quite honestly, at the lower grades, the Big 3 was NO better than the 2nd tier private, or MoCo public. People just want the cachet of a big name school. We found the parent body to be obnoxious, pretentious and overbearing and the academic requirements to be stressful from the earliest grades for no reason. 3 hours of homework for a 2nd grader? We've just always tried to find the best match for each of our kids. Quite honestly, our best experience school-wise, as it relates to all around great experience was at the private K-8. I think the nicest and most grounded & down to earth people send their kids to K-8 schools. And thats reflected in their kids. When I started this school journey, it was BIg 3 or bust. Honestly, I have learned through the process that things are not perfect ANYWHERE and school cachet is a bunch of malarkey. Do whats best for your kid, pay attention and then adjust course when its necessary.

I've had a similar experience of a child who left a "big 3" -- not for academic reasons but because of a bad social dynamic. The change to a "lower tier" school has been incredibly illuminating. DC is still engaged academically, is in fact getting more out of classes because the focus is on learning and not competition, and is happy. And his classmates are happy. Looking back, I wonder how many kids at his previous school were actually happy. We're talking upper school. The ones who seemed happy, in retrospect, were still highly stressed out. There's a life lesson here. Why do we as parents put up with the idea of our kids being stressed out and unhappy because of the prestige of a school? Why do we care about their grades more than their happiness?

DC will go to a very competitive college, I'm sure. And he won't arrive burnt out. I know there are parents at his former school who think he bailed because he was somehow not cut out for the place (and right there is a red flag -- why do you have to be cut out for a place, in high school?) but the jokes on them because I have a happy, intellectually engaged child. Do they?

I am happy for your child.

I also have no doubt he is happier.

I don't think any of this is a joking matter, but yes, if you (your DS really) has lost anything, it is the ability to wear the "badge" of graduating from a Big 3 with him for the rest of his life. He has also lost the social network which these schools build and foster to help propel him up and forward in life. Put simply, some doors which may have been so easily opened for him down the road may no longer be available, or may be much harder to pry open.

PP, this badge blah, blah, bullshit really doesn't happen for most Big 3 alum, maybe a few experience the Network of Connectivity for Life due to family connections. Once they start their college lives, they shudder at the memory of their "Big 3" experience and get that life goes on.

I'm proud PP did what was best for her DS in the long run. And, surprise, surprise, surprise sadly many Big 3 alum do burnout by sophomore of college.

[Anonymous]

We should be raising race horses instead of children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Amazing how many of you have actually engaged in this ugly discussion. Yay! My child is smarter than those other children! I'm such a great parent!

Ugh.

Not OP, in fact a NP. But you guys seem to be focusing on one small part of OP's post, which was the three words: "outperform the lifers."

The rest of OP's post, which contained many more words, asked whether going to a Big 3 for elementary school was worth it in terms of preparing your kid for a competitive high school. I think that's a valid question. If your kid can learn good work habits and a love of learning at many schools in the area, is it worth all the stress you see on DCUM about getting into Sidwell for K?

Not OP either, but I think you have highlighted the most compelling part of all of this. I have always believed its too hard to predict what my childrens' needs will be 3, 5, 7, 10, etc years out, since I am not a psychic and don't own a crystal ball! Your delightful 4 year old will evolve and change into a young adolescent who you may not recognize at all! So with school choice, like anything else, you just continue to evaluate and adjust as necessary. Many, many people start at one school and then move to another. The thing that bugs me about this board is that when a person gets an admission to Beauvoir/NCS/STA, Sidwell, GDS or Maret, the reaction is as if they have won the lottery. I wish more respect was shown on this board for all of the wonderful schools in the DC area. My goodness, aren't we fortunate to have so many amazing public, charter, private, independent and/or parochial options to choose from. My feeling about most things in life is if you like it, I love it. Different strokes for different folks. I have one child that went all the way through a Big 3, graduated and is now at Villanova, another who had to leave that same Big 3 at 3rd grade (and transferred to what you all would call a "2nd tier private K-8 and then public HS -- is an 11th grader now -- btw, the counseling out process was handled HORRIBLY by the school, they were so dismissive and mean) and third child who was always been in public school and is currently a middle schooler. Quite honestly, at the lower grades, the Big 3 was NO better than the 2nd tier private, or MoCo public. People just want the cachet of a big name school. We found the parent body to be obnoxious, pretentious and overbearing and the academic requirements to be stressful from the earliest grades for no reason. 3 hours of homework for a 2nd grader? We've just always tried to find the best match for each of our kids. Quite honestly, our best experience school-wise, as it relates to all around great experience was at the private K-8. I think the nicest and most grounded & down to earth people send their kids to K-8 schools. And thats reflected in their kids. When I started this school journey, it was BIg 3 or bust. Honestly, I have learned through the process that things are not perfect ANYWHERE and school cachet is a bunch of malarkey. Do whats best for your kid, pay attention and then adjust course when its necessary.

I've had a similar experience of a child who left a "big 3" -- not for academic reasons but because of a bad social dynamic. The change to a "lower tier" school has been incredibly illuminating. DC is still engaged academically, is in fact getting more out of classes because the focus is on learning and not competition, and is happy. And his classmates are happy. Looking back, I wonder how many kids at his previous school were actually happy. We're talking upper school. The ones who seemed happy, in retrospect, were still highly stressed out. There's a life lesson here. Why do we as parents put up with the idea of our kids being stressed out and unhappy because of the prestige of a school? Why do we care about their grades more than their happiness?

DC will go to a very competitive college, I'm sure. And he won't arrive burnt out. I know there are parents at his former school who think he bailed because he was somehow not cut out for the place (and right there is a red flag -- why do you have to be cut out for a place, in high school?) but the jokes on them because I have a happy, intellectually engaged child. Do they?

I am happy for your child.

I also have no doubt he is happier.

I don't think any of this is a joking matter, but yes, if you (your DS really) has lost anything, it is the ability to wear the "badge" of graduating from a Big 3 with him for the rest of his life. He has also lost the social network which these schools build and foster to help propel him up and forward in life. Put simply, some doors which may have been so easily opened for him down the road may no longer be available, or may be much harder to pry open.

I'm the PP whom you are responding to and I'm laughing because the joke is on you if this is what you are thinking your DC will get from a Big 3 school. I went to a Big 3 myself and I can guarantee that this is a load of bunk. There is no badge, there are no magic connections, no doors opening -- shazam! -- before you, and as your children go through life no one will care one bit where they went to high school. I have some great friends from my Big 3 school, but I wouldn't call the, a social network and they've never helped me get a job or anything like that.

But I do appreciate your post because it reenforces my point about how misguided so many people around here are about these schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We should be raising race horses instead of children.

This is a brilliant comment. Even race horses hearts give out on the race to the finish line. Brilliant comment, PP.

[Anonymous]

I was surprised at a few of the kids who got into Big 3 schools from my DCs 8th grade class this year. Some of them are far from academically inclined. A few were siblings, a few were athletes but I have to think they will have a really hard time when they get hit with the work load. What do the Big 3 schools do with kids like this? Do they support them? Do they just try to get them through? I think a few of these families probably like the prestige factor over finding the right school for the kid and the kid is going to get slammed.