Considering keeping back my 2nd grader

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got this from a pediatric psychiatrist when we went through the same issue with a kindergartener. She said: repeating a grade is an absolute last resort. The stigma is huge, and it stays with a child for his whole academic career, having effects on personality and performance throughout. If he's done even ONE year of school, you must do everything you can to keep him moving forward on schedule. It's not just a matter of his classmates-- though that is a big deal. It's how he views himself on a sub-conscious level.

My take is, if you must hold him back, do it now, when he won't be in a class with the "babies" he knew from last year. But know that it will create problems that did not exist previously. Whether those problems will be an acceptable trade-off for the ones that might be solved... ah, for a crystal ball. Good luck.

OP here, thank you for posting this, it's confirming my uneasiness and doubt with holding him back.

Homeschooling is not an option unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Ignore supposed FCPS Principal post and hold back. Any kids born between Sep and Dec will be 13 in 6th grade. According to FCPS Principal 6th grade is not meant for these kids.

[Anonymous]

How is there going to be a problem, the kid is starting a NEW school!

[Anonymous]

I know several people who moved their kids to private from public and had the kids repeat K at the new school. These kids are all now 4th and 5th graders and I have not heard of them suffering any insecurities because of the repeated grade. Also, the kids kept on in sports and camps with the kids from their original grade. I do know the parents explained the repeat to the kids as something encouraged by the new schools, rather than something the parents wanted to do because the kids needed any catch up.
Personally, I'd hold back in the situation you describe. Even if your child feels some angst about repeating, he likewise would from being so. behind his classmates. I think his confidence will be restored faster if he starts to feel competent and hopefully successful in school.
GL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got this from a pediatric psychiatrist when we went through the same issue with a kindergartener. She said: repeating a grade is an absolute last resort. The stigma is huge, and it stays with a child for his whole academic career, having effects on personality and performance throughout. If he's done even ONE year of school, you must do everything you can to keep him moving forward on schedule. It's not just a matter of his classmates-- though that is a big deal. It's how he views himself on a sub-conscious level.

My take is, if you must hold him back, do it now, when he won't be in a class with the "babies" he knew from last year. But know that it will create problems that did not exist previously. Whether those problems will be an acceptable trade-off for the ones that might be solved... ah, for a crystal ball. Good luck.

OP here, thank you for posting this, it's confirming my uneasiness and doubt with holding him back.

Homeschooling is not an option unfortunately.

I'm sorry, OP but this PP is full of crap. The stigma is not huge. Kids get held back now all the time, usually in K, but it's so commonplace that there is no "stigma."

If your kid is unable to handle the academics, please don't let how it looks to others to get him the help he needs. I had a friend whose son went merrily along through the second grade. When he got to third grade, everything melted down b/c his learning disabilities that previously he was able minimize and get by, got the best of him. His parents had to pull him from school and hire private tutors. He still repeated the year, but talk about stigmatizing and traumatizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Anonymous wrote:I have no opinion about whether you should hold him back, but if you do, I would think that at the time he changes schools would be easiest on him. It's got to be tough on kids to watch their friends get promoted when they don't.

Yes, this is certainly something we have thought about and why we are considering doing it when he moves to the new school.

Anonymous wrote: I can't imagine the hell being in 3rd would be. The demands between 2nd and 3rd in most traditional schools are steep and the work load that much more greater.

This is one of our big concerns.

The other thing I'm considering if seeing if I can move him now, as a 2nd grader to the new school. He would have a whole half year there in 2nd grade, plus they offer extra reading support.

Thanks for all the replies, we are still figuring out what we want to do, hearing others perspectives helps!

OP, it sounds as if his school right now isn't helping him to learn at all! I would strongly consider moving him to the other school, if they will take him now.

ALso -- where do you live?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore supposed FCPS Principal post and hold back. Any kids born between Sep and Dec will be 13 in 6th grade. According to FCPS Principal 6th grade is not meant for these kids.

No, unless the kids were held back at some point, those kids will turn 12 in 6th grade, not 13.

[Anonymous]

Kids born sep, oct, nov, Dec turn 6 in kindergarten, 7 in 1, 8 in 2, 9 in 3, 10 in 4, 11 in 5, 12 in 6. A kid turning 13 in the spring is what, 6 months older than the fall kids? And is 13 for the last 2 months of school. But, yeah, too old for 6th grade, this 2 months of being 13 really make a difference! Really?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is there going to be a problem, the kid is starting a NEW school!

Because the kid is old enough to know that the parents are retaining him. It's not kindergarten. The kid knows he's supposed to be in 3rd grade and it does affect self esteem when your parents make you repeat a grade. The other kids will know too b/c the retained child will end up saying things like "we did this last year in 2nd grade." Other KINDERGARTENERS don't make fun of held back kindergarteners, but other 2nd graders are going to pick up on the fact that OP's child is doing 2nd grade twice.

The kid himself will think he's dumb b/c he's been held back. Just doing the same thing over again, doesn't usually fix the problem. OP's kid needs additional help. He can catch up. He just needs the right help. What's the guarantee that the new school is going to be different for OP? None. The only guarantee is if OP gets the child some additional help either via an IEP or tutoring or help at home. Something has to change. Doing the same thing over again isn't really the most productive idea.

[Anonymous]

And you know because you were held back? Whatever! OP do what you know is right,, in your heart.

[Anonymous]

Another plus side to holding your DS back is that you can cut back on so much after school tutoring - not saying eliminate it, but 5 days a week of after school tutoring on top of a whole day at school is bound to burn out any 8 yr old, especially one for whom school probably does not hold much positive association right now.
Can you ask DS's current teacher what she thinks? I suspect a teacher would not lightly suggest holding back a child without good cause.

[Anonymous]

We had the same situation. We tested him at the end of 3rd grade: ADD, phonological problem, dysgraphia. He got help through the school. He is in the 5th grade now, and is doing way better. I am glad he didn't repeat any grade so far, though he is the youngest one in the class (he is an August boy)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids born sep, oct, nov, Dec turn 6 in kindergarten, 7 in 1, 8 in 2, 9 in 3, 10 in 4, 11 in 5, 12 in 6. A kid turning 13 in the spring is what, 6 months older than the fall kids? And is 13 for the last 2 months of school. But, yeah, too old for 6th grade, this 2 months of being 13 really make a difference! Really?!

No. It depends on where you are. I have an October birthday and entered K at 4, so I turned 5 one month into kindergarten. In my state, all babies born in whatever year could be in K. it was a 12-31 cutoff, not September.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And you know because you were held back? Whatever! OP do what you know is right,, in your heart.

I know this b/c it's factually based on research: http://www.cdl.org/resource-library/articles/grade_retention.php

Smarty pants!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids born sep, oct, nov, Dec turn 6 in kindergarten, 7 in 1, 8 in 2, 9 in 3, 10 in 4, 11 in 5, 12 in 6. A kid turning 13 in the spring is what, 6 months older than the fall kids? And is 13 for the last 2 months of school. But, yeah, too old for 6th grade, this 2 months of being 13 really make a difference! Really?!

No. It depends on where you are. I have an October birthday and entered K at 4, so I turned 5 one month into kindergarten. In my state, all babies born in whatever year could be in K. it was a 12-31 cutoff, not September.

Us too. Cut off is Dec 31. Holding kids back to give them an advantage is unheard of too so we don't have older kids in the grades. Kids go to K at 4 or 5, not 6 or 7.