How did you know you had to hold back your pre-k child one more year??

[Anonymous]

OP, if the preschool teacher isn't recommending it, your ped hasn't suggested it, the principal at the school where your DS will be going isn't encouraging it, and you think he'll be fine, you have all the data you need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, may cause flames, but are you really going to base a life changing decision on someone who has the credentials of a preschool teacher or head? Now a developmental pediatrician or similar, that's a different matter.

A preschool teacher who has spent hundreds of hours with your kid, and has experienced hundreds of kids in the same age cohort seems very well qualified to at least flag the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, may cause flames, but are you really going to base a life changing decision on someone who has the credentials of a preschool teacher or head? Now a developmental pediatrician or similar, that's a different matter.

My pediatrician sees my child for at most an hour per year and never outside an exam room. He has one child who went theiugh school 3 decades ago outside the US. All of his information is given to him by me, the least impartial person in my child's life. My child's preschool teacher spends about 1000 hours with him per year (at 5 hrs per day, thats more than my husband sees our child during the week) and has taught over 500 children in this age group to date. I'm okay listening to her perceptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This topic comes up about once every two months. My good friend has DS with September birthday. She was concerned over it, but decided to go ahead. He is thriving and now as someone who also started *ON TIME*, my friend is glad she did. (She graduated at 17 and had more time to think about what she wanted to do before college, without worrying about "falling behind later" in life. She ended up doing remarkably well. Better than most in the area.)

Her DS is in elementary and is thriving. You really, really need to look at the individual child. No one knows best but the parent.

IMPORTANT: You will find this is a regional "problem", likely caused by parents who simply worry too much; and/or are outrageously and unreasonably competitive (they did not live up to their own parents expectations). Do not do your child a huge disservice by worrying about the "what ifs". This is true every day, but especially in this regard.

It is not fair to the child to hold them back because you want them to be something they may never be.

Do not set your child up to be bored in school, or worse hate school later on. They call it "redshirting", OP. I suspect many in this area are hoping for a sports scholarship or something to justify their decision to hold the child back. But in life, there are no guarantees.

Again, consider the parents.

OP here. Thank you. All that you mention about people holding their kids back for the reasons you say really scare me. We would never, ever make a decision like that based on those reasons. This is all new to us since DS is our first child, I'm from a different country and my husband did not grow up in this area of the United States. I asked the question in case if we are "missing something" because so many people are talking about it now..Maybe they have always had, but I never paid attention because our child was far from starting K. I am sure there are valid reasons to hold a child back, but I would guess most times it is not necessary..

[Anonymous]

I'm writing this one with some long-range perspective on this. My DS' birthday was several days before the cutoff date (back then it was Dec 31 in Montgomery County). Preschool developmental testing showed him to be very advanced for math and cognitive but way behind in fine/gross motor skills. Average size for a boy that age, shy with a few close friends but obviously uncomfortable in groups until someone reached out to him. Held him back, he did great academically in school - the shy part stuck until high school. He did occupational therapy to catch up on the motor skills until around age 9. Fast forward a few years: DS graduated a selective college last year, did great, moved to a brand new city where he didn't know anyone, is working full time at a great job and very much enjoying life with a good circle of friends and lots of self-confidence that I do think was due in part to the extra time he had at the beginning .

We were already to let him go ahead to K at 4-going-on-5 because he was academically ready but he would have been a lost soul socially and with difficulties in sports (he had those anyway, but it would have been worse - and that's generally important for boys in elementary school). I know that kindergarten is more academic than it was in the mid-90's but it really does establish some social norms for kids. If your DS could use the extra time/socialization in a comfortable environment before dealing with the new environment and new rules of kindergarten it might be worth waiting.

Just my .02..... best of luck with your decision.

[Anonymous]

I'm writing this one with some long-range perspective on this. My DS' birthday was several days before the cutoff date (back then it was Dec 31 in Montgomery County). Preschool developmental testing showed him to be very advanced for math and cognitive but way behind in fine/gross motor skills. Average size for a boy that age, shy with a few close friends but obviously uncomfortable in groups until someone reached out to him. Held him back, he did great academically in school - the shy part stuck until high school. He did occupational therapy to catch up on the motor skills until around age 9. Fast forward a few years: DS graduated a selective college last year, did great, moved to a brand new city where he didn't know anyone, is working full time at a great job and very much enjoying life with a good circle of friends and lots of self-confidence that I do think was due in part to the extra time he had at the beginning .

We were already to let him go ahead to K at 4-going-on-5 because he was academically ready but he would have been a lost soul socially and with difficulties in sports (he had those anyway, but it would have been worse - and that's generally important for boys in elementary school). I know that kindergarten is more academic than it was in the mid-90's but it really does establish some social norms for kids. If your DS could use the extra time/socialization in a comfortable environment before dealing with the new environment and new rules of kindergarten it might be worth waiting.

Just my .02..... best of luck with your decision.


12:28 again - I don't think I was clear at the beginning of my second paragraph that we were going to send DS to K starting in the year he was eligible to go until the preschool testing made us reconsider. I know it's a tough decision for everyone.

[Anonymous]

I held my DD back a year (late July bday) and I really struggled with the decision. She will start K this coming Fall so I still don't know for sure how it will all work out. But since infancy she did have some delays (emotional and developmental). She is doing a great job catching up but I felt was not quite ready to handle K.

[Anonymous]

This is strange. I have a 4-year old with a June birthday and it would not even occur to me to not send him to kindergarten in the fall. We have several friends with similarly aged children and they are doing the same. I wonder if red-shirting is more common in some neighborhoods than others?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is strange. I have a 4-year old with a June birthday and it would not even occur to me to not send him to kindergarten in the fall. We have several friends with similarly aged children and they are doing the same. I wonder if red-shirting is more common in some neighborhoods than others?

No, I'd say most June boys proceed "on time".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is strange. I have a 4-year old with a June birthday and it would not even occur to me to not send him to kindergarten in the fall. We have several friends with similarly aged children and they are doing the same. I wonder if red-shirting is more common in some neighborhoods than others?

+1

Also with a DS turning 5 in June. Haven't heard of any other kids being 'redshirted' in our circle of preschool parents/neighborhood parents. Maybe it is neighborhood dependent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is strange. I have a 4-year old with a June birthday and it would not even occur to me to not send him to kindergarten in the fall. We have several friends with similarly aged children and they are doing the same. I wonder if red-shirting is more common in some neighborhoods than others?

No, I'd say most June boys proceed "on time".

+1 I have two early June boys and they both started K on time. One is now in 2nd and one is in K. They are doing well academically, but I will say the 2nd grader is somewhat more immature than some others in his class. I think part of this is just his personality though, not necessarily because he is younger. I do think it also depends on the make up of the rest of the class. Last year when he was in 1st, it seemed that all the other boys in his class had fall birthdays, so many were 8-9 months older than he was. This year, more of the boys have spring/summer birthdays so he seems more "on track" with the rest of the class.

[Anonymous]

RED SHIRT him! DEFINITELY! Only benefits, no negatives!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:RED SHIRT him! DEFINITELY! Only benefits, no negatives!

Yes! Because all little boys are immature and stupid. No way a 'young' 5 year old boy can handle kG. And, when he's in 6th grade and wants to know why he's the oldest, you can say that you wanted to give him 'the gift of time' and that you thought he wasn't 'good enough' to enter KG on time. Good luck explaining that to the poor kid.

[Anonymous]

I always tell people to trust the preschool teacher(s). I had my doubts about my DS (end of July). But preschool teacher ASSURED me he was fine to go on. At the same time, she told the parents of DS's friend (Jun bday) that he should be held back. They did. We didn't. I didn't see why the friend should be held back, but I totally trusted that preschool teacher. She was great and clearly had seen lots of kids. I think she was probably right. The friend isn't necessarily the fastest thinker and has more immature speech, so that's probably why the teacher said he should be held back. I think it really did work out best for both kids. FWIW, my kid is one of the smallest kids in his class... but ALL the girls love him and the boys seem to like him too. I think he just has a personality that, while not charismatic, just gets along with other kids. So, the social aspect is not to be discounted in favor of the academic component. I think my DS will always be small, but probably will have enough friends that he won't be bullied (hopefully)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:RED SHIRT him! DEFINITELY! Only benefits, no negatives!

Yes! Because all little boys are immature and stupid. No way a 'young' 5 year old boy can handle kG. And, when he's in 6th grade and wants to know why he's the oldest, you can say that you wanted to give him 'the gift of time' and that you thought he wasn't 'good enough' to enter KG on time. Good luck explaining that to the poor kid.

What planet are you people on? Kids just don't sit around and wonder why some kids are older. Been through this twice and it just doesn't happen. It is much more common in Private School to reshirt. The older kids have no problem making friends, feeling part of the class, etc. It is harder for the younger boys in some areas especially social and athletics because the older boys are that much stronger and wanting to do older kid things.

Do what you think works for your child academically, emotionally and physically. If he is not ready in all those areas, hold him. Truly no one cares but you.

I was a December birthday and I wish my parents had waited to send me. I was immature and that continued through college. i would really have been better off waiting to go to college. DH skipped a year of school and academically it was fine but socially he felt the difference.