Am I a horrible daughter?

[Anonymous]

Filter him out of your posts.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry. My mom lost her filter after a stroke, and it can be very difficult to be around her sometimes. She was once a non-confrontational, genteel lady, but now she does things like refuse to move out of the way for someone to pass by in the grocery store ("they can wait"), and insult her long-time neighbor's dead mother to the neighbor's face. It's embarrassing and sad because my mother, and probably your father, would have been horrified to know that these personality changes would occur. I discretely explain the situation to friends or acquaintances who don't understand what's going on, but I think that's about all I can do. I am sure that is what my "old mom" would have wanted me to do. I've never come across anyone who wasn't understanding once they were told the reason for her behavior.

[Anonymous]

No advice. I just want to send you my support, fwiw. To answer your question, no you are not a horrible daughter. The fact that you are not just unfriending him and pushing him out of your life in other ways shows how much you truly love and care about him. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[Anonymous]

OP: really? Why won't he talk to you?
I was in a similiar situation, and had an appointment with my Dad's neurologist. He was very kind, and it helped me a lot.

As far as facebook-that is easy to remedy; like the PPs said; just disable his posting onto your wall. You don't have to unfriend or block him.

Even though you write that your mom gets upset with you and your brother, I am sure she does know the difference in him, and it is very very hard for her... just keep that in mind. These effects of TBI are very hard to deal with for all loved ones.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father almost died a few years ago in a horrible accident. We were told he would live and if he did, he would probably never be the same.

Through the miracle of modern medicine, he not only lived, but you can't even tell anything is wrong if you never met him.

That being said, he has no "filter" and constantly says embarrassing and inappropriate things. I love him and am just happy he is here, but I'm afraid to go places with him, because you never know what he will say.

he has discovered Facebook and has started posting all over my husband my wall. Rude, racist, cussing and worse. We talked to him, he gets upset and mad at us. We talk to my mom and she gets mad at us "he ALMOST died, and you care about cussing?" My brother stopped using Facebook entirely because of it, but it's frustrating to me.

I guess I just want to vent here and open it up to DCUM, maybe I'm being terrible to my dad, or maybe I should just deal with it

You have my sympathy. Of course you're glad your Dad's alive and well, but the rude posts are something to be legitimately upset about. It would upset your father, but have you and your husband thought about blocking him from facebook? At least this would limit his exposure. Also, can you talk to your father's doctors about this filter issue and how to respond? Talk to a therapist who's familiar with this sort of an aftermath to an accident?

He and my mom get very angry and upset whenever my brother, husband or I mention anything that imply he's not exactly the same as he was before. I've tried talking to his doctor, who of course, won't talk to me.

[Anonymous]

I don't FB but isn't there some way to block a person or make their comments not appear to the public? What did you do before FB? Do that. Dh and I have clearances and wouldn't risk them with something like this.

[Anonymous]

Fix your wall's privacy settings so that either he or no one can post on it. Consider sending a blast message to your friends (less him) briefly explaining the situation, if that's something you feel the need to do. And then find another way to engage him online, such as by sending email forwards to him. If he asks what's up or gets mad, tell him it's just something you've decided works best for you.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I just want to say thanks to everyone. It makes me feel a little better to know this is not something that my family suffers alone with. Sometimes, he says things (or posts things) that are so shocking to me...I just wonder if he was thinking that stuff all along, or if he truly is a new person.

It's been really hard on him, because he can tell something is different. That's why I feel so bad, because he knows.

My brother and I are going to try and talk to my mom again after the new year. There was a new incident which was the last straw for me, and I just want to know we are moving forward.