1st IVF/ICSI in Jan 2013: What do we need to know?

[Anonymous]

I never told my boss but we we really didn't have the best relationship. I think it depends on if your boss is a woman or has kids etc on how accommodating they can be. I did tell a few other colleagues both in my agency and other agencies that I often meet with and they were fantastic about just not scheduling things with me when I had a busy week. So my calendar stayed relatively empty for a couple of weeks and my boss never questioned it. Your monitoring during stims is going to be early in the mornings so you can probably do that before the work day even starts. (but be prepared to go in every day as the end of stims near, at least I was in there EVERY morning days 6-11of stims, usually around 8am but out by 8:30 or 8:45am and in office by 9:30 at the latest).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a patient at Dr Rifka at Columbia Fertility, pregnant on first IVF and 27 weeks now.
1) At your "orientation" with the nurse, be sure to take a LOT of notes. I was surprised they don't write it all down for you and she seemed surprised that I asked for pen and paper. this is critical info on when/how to give shots. Ask every question you can its disturbing how much info is NOT volunteered to you.
2) Keep your schedule as flexible as possible, especially at the end of stims. The # of days you stim can change no matter than they predict. It really goes day to day. This may also inlcude ordering last minute from the pharmacy (I was told at 3pm on day 11 to keep going and thank god Grubbs can get meds delivered by 7pm dame day). Use Grubbs pharmacy for same day delivery for this purpose.
3) try acupuncture. I was going weekly for months. But I do think it helped mature some of my follicles around day 6 that didn't seem to be going anywhere.
4) I also did one hypnosis session for relaxtion ( I think I had a groupon) about 2 weeks before starting. Not sure if it made the difference but I did feel super relaxed.
5) I made a huge mistake of attending a fertility support group about a month before IVF. this was DEVESTATING and depressing. I needed to hear only success stories. I felt terrible for the women but two hours of crying, failed IVFs, multiple miscarriages,.still birth at 38 weeks, sent me into a depression spiral...thus the hypnosis.
6) You tube is great for learning how to give a shot, especially the ones in the butt. My husband drew and X on me and hit the target every time.
7) Ice the hell out that butt shot before you take, its a big needle but I swear I never felt it 70% of the time.
8) take time off for retrieval AND transfer. Again, keep your schedule as open as possible. You have no idea if it will be a three or five day transfer.
9) Keep every bill from CFA, they are notorious for fucking up billing. I just got a $500 bill last week for stuff I swear we already paid 6 months ago.
10) When I got the giant box of meds, we spent one evening putting each days needles, quanity, Q caps, swabs in individual zip lock bags. Yeah it wastes bags but its easier than doing that evey single day. having everything all separated meant we could just grab that days bag and know everything we needed for AM and PM was ready to go.
11) have your vitamin D checked. Studies show low D can affect implantation. Mine was shockingly low and I went on supplement. No idea if that made a difference but it can't hurt.
Good luck to you!!!

This is all great advice, especially 5,8 and 9!!!! Good luck OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:O.p. here. You guys are just fantastic. Thanks for all the tips.

Out of curiosity, what did you guys tell your bosses? I'm thinking of giving mine a heads up that I'm going to be busy with medical issues for a month or two, but not really sure when or how to get through that conversation.

That was my biggest worry, too. In the end I actually did not tell. and I am glad I didn't, because a month or two turned into a year, then two years. How would I have explained that? Better just to say Dr appt here, check up ther, no big deal. I was surprised how no one really noticed or gave a hoot.

[Anonymous]

OP, we too are planning our first IVF/ICSI for January. Thanks for your post as I've learned a lot! I've actually spent quite a bit of time brainstorming creative ways to be off work when we get to the necessary dates, because my job is incredibly demanding and requires a high amount of response to my bosses and clients (ain't this the case for all of us in D.C....) I agree with 20:52 about not divulging everything initially - a few other IVFers have warned me about that, because it turned into many months and cycles, not just one. Some excuses I've pre-devised include: calling in with pinkeye (common affliction and no one will want to be around you!); the flu ('twill be the season!); staying home for maintenance guy to fix the broken furnace (also the season!); minor surgery for husband (I have no qualms about making him an accessory considering I am carrying most of the load on this, and colleagues are far less likely to ask you what the procedure is for); and root canal (you'll be able to beg off calling in from home!). I know some would question my morals about bald-faced lying, but I don't really care anymore when it comes to this stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:O.p. here. You guys are just fantastic. Thanks for all the tips.

Out of curiosity, what did you guys tell your bosses? I'm thinking of giving mine a heads up that I'm going to be busy with medical issues for a month or two, but not really sure when or how to get through that conversation.

I didn't. The monitoring appointments were early enough that I could get to work at my regular time and if I ran late it was only by 15 minutes or so and I blamed traffic. For the retrieval and transfer I just took a sick day. I think for one of those days I requested a day off but didn't tell them specifically why. Nobody suspected anything. It's your call if you want to make it known but the process is already stressful enough and personal, I think it would be easier on you if you didn't say anything (if it works with your schedule, that is) because if you do inform your boss that will make him/her likely to ask you about it from time to time - assuming they were a caring human being!

[Anonymous]

If you only have male issues why didn't you consider NCIVF, doesn't CFA offer it?

[Anonymous]

We are likely going to start in January - just got diagnosed with male infertility (currently 1% morphology, low count) - we're at GW, had my sonogram this morning.

These are very helpful tips - and I'm happy to see other women dealing with this based on make fertility. Everyone assumes it's us.

I was 100% honest with my boss behind closed doors - told her that I will need flexibility, but will try to keep the time out a minimum and give her a heads up as much as I can. It's still uncomfortable because everyone else here is a man and they're in everyone's business.

If anyone is a male factor chick starting this process, I'd love a buddy - I could use someone to sort of vent with about this process because I feel like if I do at home, my husband will think I'm blaming him. It would be nice to share experiences, info from docs, etc.

[Anonymous]

PP, we're starting in January too. You might want to check out some of the monthly cycle threads on TwoWeekWait, TheBump or FertilityCommunity.com. There are already some threads for January, and there are many people on there dealing with (and healthily venting about) male factor, some of it really severe, if you want to snoop around. DCUM is fantastics for lots of information but I don't think most folks use it as a day-to-day tool.

[Anonymous]

Going into IVF, I really wish I had known about the "beta" tests at the end of the cycle. It's just a part of the process that I wasn't prepared for at all. I will spare you my experience, but I would recommend reading about beta testing, if you aren't already familiar with it.

[Anonymous]

After a failed IVF last fall and a failed FET this past January, my biggest advice is not to tell too many people. You will have this urge to talk about it with anyone and everyone since it can be an isolating experience but I made the mistake of telling some of my close coworkers, which just added to the stress. They want the best for you of course but they don't know what it's like and as you will see, no one really knows what to say. Not being negative, just stating the facts. So when it did come up negative for us both times, it was heart wrenching to tell those too many people that knew that it didn't work.

My other advice is to get a "team" around you - whether that team consists of a therapist, acupuncturist, yoga teacher, massage therapist - people that want to help you and who you feel good and calm around and can openly talk to without judgement or loads of questions.

Lastly, take time for yourself and if it doesn't work (I hope it does), take breaks in between. On the day that we were supposed to get the beta test back, I did things I like to do for myself - manicure, got some nice flowers and chocolate, ate what I wanted, etc. It's important to focus on you.

I wish you the best of luck. We're starting again in January as well (I'm 31, no known issues, husb is 32 with male factor). So here's hoping for all of us 2013ers

[jindc]

Anonymous wrote:After a failed IVF last fall and a failed FET this past January...We're starting again in January as well (I'm 31, no known issues, husb is 32 with male factor). So here's hoping for all of us 2013ers

Can I ask if you ever found out what the issue was? How many made it to transfer?

I'm just trying to educate myself on what could arise as someone who has no known issues, but male problems (morphology and count).

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

We did IVF/ICSI with Dr. Sherins and Dr. Black (no longer there) at Columbia in 2008 and have almost-4-YO twins. Dr. Sherins is the absolute best for male factor -- I'm glad you guys are with him! My DH (cancer survivor) went from having absolutely no live sperm to having a low sperm count with impaired motility and morphology, and we were able to conceive. I was 36 when we got pregnant.

I did tell my (very sympathetic female) boss I was going through IVF because of scheduling and moodiness from the meds.

One thing we did, and I do recommend, is acupuncture. DH and I both did it for several months before, and I did it during stimulation, on the day of transfer, and for much of the first trimester. I highly, highly recommend Sue Abol in Bethesda (http://www.suesabol.com/). She was covered by my BCBS insurance, and she is simply terrific.

[Anonymous]

^^ *Sue Sabol.

[Anonymous]

I am currently 22 weeks pregnant from first IVF cycle, also due to male factor issues only. There has been a lot of good advice above. Particularly being flexible as to schedule...there are a lot of monitoring appointments but you can do them early before work. But you absolutely cannot control your retrieval and transfer days so just know that ahead of time and be prepared. I like the advice about not telling anyone at work and just calling in sick. I just said the day before each that I had to be out for an unexpected medical appointment and no one said anything. When my transfer unexpectedly had to be on day 3 instead of day 5 because we had very, very few embryos I just said it was a follow-up appointment. I guess that was the big unexpected thing for me--we got so many good eggs (16 I think) that I expected everything to go smoothly from there. But then the male factor issues were more severe than they had anticipated and we wound up with only 3 embryos. I was devastated the day I found that out, and very upset that we had to move up to a day 3 transfer because of it. But we only transferred one and it only takes one! It worked and we have 2 frozen embryos for next time. So my last piece of advice is to try, as hard as it may be, to keep a positive attitude. No use doom and glooming it when you never know, it might all just work out for the best! It can do so much to alleviate the stress. And try to do as PPs have said and keep your life as normal as possible and take time for things you enjoy. Have that glass of wine, sushi dinner, massage, etc. Best of luck!!

[Anonymous]

PP, great story - thanks for the tips and big congratulations!! That is wonderful.