I am SO TIRED of hearing...

[Anonymous]

Wow -- crazy stuff. I am always a bit shocked still when people say something really rude. I think some people are really mean. Your boss must have been a nice exception pp.

Saying anything negative about a child's delay/deficiency/deformaty of any type is down right rude and off limits.

This is much lighter. Someone asked me where my kid goes to college. I said she's the first in the family to go to an Ivy. All the person could say was ..."that's a tuition and one-half".

[Anonymous]

It is so hard to assume noble intent when people say things like:

From single, childless friend, "Your kids are so crazy, my friend Tori has a son and he doesn't act lie that." My kids were honestly just being slightly more active than your average kid.

"I stay home because I like being with my children," from SAHM SIL to me (mom who works).

And of course the twin questions. "Did you have IVF?" Which I actually haven't gotten in a long time, but was popular when my twins were babies. I actually think this is clueless and not intended to be hurtful and intrustive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
And of course the twin questions. "Did you have IVF?" Which I actually haven't gotten in a long time, but was popular when my twins were babies. I actually think this is clueless and not intended to be hurtful and intrustive.

Yes, it is truly amazing what silly and stupid things come out of people's mouths when you walk around with twins:

- Are they natural? [Yes, I always talk about my reproductive choices with perfect strangers]
- Did you use IVF? Did you use mom's eggs? Did you use dad's sperm? [See above]
- Two boys? Oh, double trouble [actually, they're very good kids and together less trouble than what some singletons cause]

And more...

[Anonymous]

When are you going to try for a boy? (mom of 3 girls)

Didn't know that I was supposed to think that girls were bad or that somehow life without a son meant that I was somehow less of a mom...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When are you going to try for a boy? (mom of 3 girls)

Didn't know that I was supposed to think that girls were bad or that somehow life without a son meant that I was somehow less of a mom...

I grew up in an all-girl family and we got that all.the.time.too. My parents hated it and still do.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I think people are just looking for something, anything, to say. Unfortunately what comes out may not always be the right thing to say. We've all been there, done that. I'm sure they are probably far more embarassed once they realize how far they have inserted their foot into their mouth than you are annoyed by their comment. Or at least I know I am when I realize I've made a dumb comment!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When are you going to try for a boy? (mom of 3 girls)

Didn't know that I was supposed to think that girls were bad or that somehow life without a son meant that I was somehow less of a mom...

We have friends with three boys and they get questioned about when they're having a girl. Clearly it's just something to say when you have a run on one gender.

[Anonymous]

Telling a mom of a preemie that she's lucky she didn't gain too much weight, and didn't have to go through those awful last weeks of the pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When are you going to try for a boy? (mom of 3 girls)

Didn't know that I was supposed to think that girls were bad or that somehow life without a son meant that I was somehow less of a mom...

We have friends with three boys and they get questioned about when they're having a girl. Clearly it's just something to say when you have a run on one gender.

I have two boys and get it all the time too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Telling a mom of a preemie that she's lucky she didn't gain too much weight, and didn't have to go through those awful last weeks of the pregnancy.

YES. And, "Wow you are lucky that your DS is in the NICU. You get a break! Have them keep him there as long as possible!" Honestly????????? Have you zero empathy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I had a penny for every phrase that set me off... Well, let's just say I wouldn't have to work to make ends meet. But then I remember a phrase my last boss taught me: Assume noble intent. As hard as it may be, I try to remember that most people are not evil. You can usually chalk it up to social awkwardness, a lack of being able to identify something more constructive/supportive to say, or an incomprehension of the severity of the issue. I can often be like this myself and I know that I don't mean to be hurtful when I say something stupid, so it's likely that others don't, either.

I agree with that in principle. As someone on the receiving end of stupid stuff after my preemie died (it's for the best; it's God's plan; there must have been something wrong with him (no, there wasn't); you'll have other children; I know how you feel - I had an abortion at 18) I also think it is my duty to say something, for two reasons: so that the other person will better understand my situation, and so that they never say something hurtful to another one in similar circumstances. We have to break this cycle, and changing the topic won't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate it when people say my toddler needs to go to preschool to socialize. That's not our lifestyle, get over it.

Jeffrey Dahmer part deux

To discover what makes a serial killer function, it is necessary to look back into their past, particularly their adolescent life. By looking at many and varied cases, it is evident that virtually all serial killers come from dysfunctional backgrounds involving sexual or physical abuse, drugs or alcoholism and their related problems. Many traits that seem to be universal in all these serial killers, though in varied amounts, include disorganised thinking, bipolar mode disorders, a feeling of resentment towards society brought on by their own failings, sexual frustrations, an inability to be social or socially accepted, over bearing parents and a wild imagination that tends to drag them into a fantasy world. In a chart of serial killer - childhood development characteristics - created by Ressler, Burgers and Douglas (1990), the three most frequently reported behaviors included day dreaming, compulsive masturbation, and isolation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When are you going to try for a boy? (mom of 3 girls)

Didn't know that I was supposed to think that girls were bad or that somehow life without a son meant that I was somehow less of a mom...

We have friends with three boys and they get questioned about when they're having a girl. Clearly it's just something to say when you have a run on one gender.

I have one child (a boy) and am pregnant with the second now. We find out the gender in three weeks and everyone keeps saying "I hope its a girl". I understand the sentiment but seriously, am I supposed to feel bad if its another boy? I'd be fine with another boy! Just say "I hope the baby is happy and healthy"--that is more appropriate!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate it when people say my toddler needs to go to preschool to socialize. That's not our lifestyle, get over it.

Jeffrey Dahmer part deux

To discover what makes a serial killer function, it is necessary to look back into their past, particularly their adolescent life. By looking at many and varied cases, it is evident that virtually all serial killers come from dysfunctional backgrounds involving sexual or physical abuse, drugs or alcoholism and their related problems. Many traits that seem to be universal in all these serial killers, though in varied amounts, include disorganised thinking, bipolar mode disorders, a feeling of resentment towards society brought on by their own failings, sexual frustrations, an inability to be social or socially accepted, over bearing parents and a wild imagination that tends to drag them into a fantasy world. In a chart of serial killer - childhood development characteristics - created by Ressler, Burgers and Douglas (1990), the three most frequently reported behaviors included day dreaming, compulsive masturbation, and isolation.

Case in point. This PP clearly is socially inept. Why you would suggest that someone not sending their child to preschool will make their son into a Jeffrey Dahmer is just beyond me. WTF?

[Anonymous]

When fertile people say to people ttcing to relax, its gods plan, it will all work out in the end.... or just talk about your kids nonstop/ bring them into every conversation even ones unrelated to children.