DH has done this several times. Is he being irresponsible?

[Anonymous]

It doesn't matter here what anyone thinks. What's important is that it bothers you and that it seems to have happened several times. You might say: "I try really hard to make our home a comfortable place to live by being respectful, nice and considerate. We both have little habits that can annoy the other person, and I do my best to let those slide. Here's one request that I'm asking you to honor: when we're home together, I would ask that you let me know directly that you're leaving to run an errand. You can speak with me face to face or call me as you're leaving. I'm asking because it's important to me."

Note: you only get to make a request like this every once in a while. Otherwise you are controlling and/or nagging.

If he says he'll do it and then never follows through, or if he argues with you and gets rude, then you need to head over to the miserable marriage thread.

[Anonymous]

If he left without telling anyone, that's kind of weird. If he did tell the kid and the kid didn't tell you, that's a gray area. Because if that's the case, he did tell someone. Maybe he needs to realize that kids aren't that reliable for relaying messages, though.

[Anonymous]

I remember when I was an older kid our household was one in which one of the parents would run out on an errand and leave either a written note or tell one of the kids if the other parent was not nearby. It was normal for us, everyone did their own thing and it worked for us. My younger child is just 2, so we still have to tag-team, but I can see operating the same way when she is 6 and the older one is 10. But if DH were not comfortable with this arrangement, I would have no problem checking in with him before going somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually, just take the kids out of it. You live with another person. You are both home from work for the evening. One of you decides to go to the store. Seems like the normal thing to do would be to say, "Hey, I'm going out." I'm not asking for a detailed itinerary or exact time of departure and return, but why wouldn't you just give a heads up?

The kids matter.

Telling a fourth grader should suffice if mom is not nearby. That's plenty old enough to pass on a message.

[Anonymous]

He should let you know. If there was an emergency you might want to know who was still inside the house if everyone had to get out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Particularly with kids ages 6 & 9 at home, you both need to communicate when you are leaving so you know who is watching the kids. The 9 year old is too young to be responsible for the 6 year old in a case if your husband went to the store without telling you and you did the same. Communicating better together is the adult thing to do.

a 6 and 9 yr old don't need a parent hovering all the time. given she tells her husband if she is even walking out the door to get something from thecar (why do you do this OP?) I really don't think she would leave the kids alone.

Op I think he should have told you he was heading out but telling the kids is really like telling you. I don't really get why you tell you are going to get something out of the car, unless it happens in normal conversation. That sounds like overkill. You would really go track him down to tell him you are stepping out the front door to get something from the car?

I often am not sure where DH is. Kids will say oh he went next door to get x or whatever. As long as someone knows where everyone is, I am fine with that.

[Anonymous]

I don't care much either way. But it matters to you. Just ask DH nicely if he would tell you before he heads out. But don't give him 1000 reasons why he was wrong to leave this time or it becomes a power struggle.

[Anonymous]

My kids are only 1 and 3 so it is hard to imagine DH leaving without telling me. Our kids are totally dependent on us though.

If everyone was self sufficient, I may feel differently. I would at least expect a text or message. Telling a 9yo would probably be communication enough.

[Anonymous]

My DH used to do this. Then I did it to him. He realized how annoying it was and stopped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Calm down PP.
The OP makes it sound like she is at the helm of the Starship Enterprise.
Does she want him to announce when he needs to take a crap, that he is incapacitated for 15 minutes?

That would be... the Captain's log...