Can we please talk about our repressed childhoods?

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why it's a big deal that one of you couldn't lock the door. Growing up we weren't allowed to have locks on our doors. The doors in our house that we use for the kids have doorknobs that lock. I turned the door knobs around so they couldn't lock themselves in and me out. One of my children had a problem with slamming the door so the I took it off and gave her a shower curtain instead. She was without that door for a couple of months and has yet to slam another door since.

Knowing what I know now about teenagers I wouldn't hesitate to read notes, emails, facebook and texts if I felt they were hiding something. My children are minors and live in my house. They deserve privacy but all bets are off if I suspect drugs, alcohol, depression, or suicidal tendencies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it not cool to tell kids not to lock doors? I don't remember ever locking a door as a kid, and I tell my kids not to lock doors too.

It's important for a child, especially a teen, to feel like they have some privacy. People have a right to that. Telling a child or teen not to lock the door doesn't give them a lot of their own space. It may not affect everyone the same way, but it could lead to the child hiding/sneaking in other ways to get that sense of control, and not expressing things etc. in rebellion.

Why wouldn't you want your child to lock a door? Are you okay with them exploring their bodies etc.? That's obviously going to happen to and I don't want to discourage my kids from doing that if they want to lock the bathroom or their bedroom door.

My kids are young. But I still don't understand this. We never locked doors in our house. If a door was closed you knocked and didn't go in until invited in. Hardly seems like a lock is the only way teenagers can be given privacy.

[Anonymous]

I never got a console gaming system, just those little handhelds. Now I'm a chronic gamer and own every console that was ever made. Even the Japanese variant.

I have a law degree but I work at Gamestop. Yes Gamestop! Ok, I'm a store manager but I have a freak'n law degree.

Thanks Mom and Dad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never got a console gaming system, just those little handhelds. Now I'm a chronic gamer and own every console that was ever made. Even the Japanese variant.

I have a law degree but I work at Gamestop. Yes Gamestop! Ok, I'm a store manager but I have a freak'n law degree.

Thanks Mom and Dad!

Did you graduate from law school within the last five years?

[Anonymous]

Posters have had an oddly defensive reaction to OP's post. She sounds as if she's just trying to come to terms with a new understanding of what was going on in her home (which had an influence on her relationship). Just because people are introspective and considerate of their pasts, doesn't meant they're trying to blame anyone / aren't aware of the harsh realities of the world / are self absorbed).

Yeah, that's valid to some degree, but I guess what sort of turns me off to it is that the issues identified seem so minor compared to the difficult upbringings that others have overcome and addressed. It's always good to id stuff in your past that may be affecting your present behavior, maybe it is really the title of the post "our repressed childhoods" that turns me off.

[Anonymous]

My kids are young. But I still don't understand this. We never locked doors in our house. If a door was closed you knocked and didn't go in until invited in. Hardly seems like a lock is the only way teenagers can be given privacy.

I don't know. I don't think a teenage boy is going to be comfortable whacking it if he things there is even a chance his mom or dad might knock and then walk in before he has a chance to put it away

[Anonymous]

I believe this kind of introspection and self-obsession is very unhealthy. The older generations had the right idea - just get on with it and stop whining. Thinking that you do such-and-such because of something that happened when you were 7 is a waste of time.

[Anonymous]

Since having kids, I've begun to think that it's less about 'repressed childhoods' and more about individual personalities. We're all born with differing degress of coping mechanisms and different personalities and that makes so much difference, regardless of parenting.

I also think it's a bit dangerous to dwell on these things. Like the other thread in which an OP thinks a memory of her father suggesting she not wear underwear to bed might be more sinister. It's so sad that she's mistaking something that just stuck in her mind for some reason (like hundreds of things do from our childhood) with real things to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My kids are young. But I still don't understand this. We never locked doors in our house. If a door was closed you knocked and didn't go in until invited in. Hardly seems like a lock is the only way teenagers can be given privacy.

I don't know. I don't think a teenage boy is going to be comfortable whacking it if he things there is even a chance his mom or dad might knock and then walk in before he has a chance to put it away

Not to mention "You NEVER disturb Daddy in his office".

[Anonymous]

Oh hell. None of the OP's complaints are within the level of "complaint-worthy." How many of you monitor your kid's email accounts, or his/her text messages, or wouldn't go read their diary in a second if you thought they were having unprotected sex, or sex at all, or using drugs? The sanctimoniousness---teenagers don't need privacy. They WANT privacy, so they can do what they want, but it isn't in their best interest.

Your father worked his ass off to provide for you. If he wasn't physically abusive, count your blessings that he was there, so you weren't poor.

My kids had their door off half the time for slamming/banging/etc. They didn't get a shower curtain either. We are all still friends and the worst offender laughs about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since having kids, I've begun to think that it's less about 'repressed childhoods' and more about individual personalities. We're all born with differing degress of coping mechanisms and different personalities and that makes so much difference, regardless of parenting.

I also think it's a bit dangerous to dwell on these things. Like the other thread in which an OP thinks a memory of her father suggesting she not wear underwear to bed might be more sinister. It's so sad that she's mistaking something that just stuck in her mind for some reason (like hundreds of things do from our childhood) with real things to worry about.

I disagree. It might not have been sinister at all but it's not for us to judge, it is how it made her feel. If it upset her than it affected her. Feelings don't work that way, they are not these objective facts. An experience that happened to you might impact someone else totally differently, it doesn't make it less valid.

[Anonymous]

There are a lot of overeaters in this country (obesity epidemic). Prescription drug abuse is an epidemic. Lots of alcohol abuse, if not outright alcoholism. Infidelity and divorce are pretty high. Lots of workaholics, possibly providing for their families but some are trying to escape, at their family's expense.

People numb themselves all the time and we tend to think of it is normal. Then we post on Facebook about how awesome our life is.

[Anonymous]

Overall, I'd say that if I talked about my childhood to anybody, they would respond as though it was a good, though not ideal, one. Involved parents, extended family around, good schools, lots of money, every opportunity and tons of treats.

However, my mom was very critical of me. Never really in an inappropriate or abusive way, just things like, "You don't need seconds" or "You should be more ladylike." I never doubted she loved me very much. However, the sheer everyday volume of these remarks had the lasting of effect of me having low self confidence and being very very hard on myself.

I never connected that to my mom's behavior until I was grown up and came across a letter I had written to myself as a teen, detailing some of these remarks I had heard from her. They were the same ones that I had been saying to myself as an adult in my head.

For what it's worth, I had therapy for low self-confidence but haven't been able to get to a healthy place with self esteem/negative self-talk.