Do you treat your kids differently during the college search?

[Anonymous]

There is no way OP's second child won't see this as being judged negatively, because she is being judged negatively. You made a promise. And you allowed your oldest to follow his own path. If I were child #2 I would deeply resent your breaking that promise and not allowing me the same deference.

By the way, she's really young. My guess is that the "2nd or 3rd tier" school is not as bad as you are making it out to be and that she could find her intellectual passion there, and not spend all her time shopping. She isn't an investment. She's a person.

And while you may not see it as a boy-girl thing, the fact that there is that distinction may lead her to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parent of 2 kids in college (one year apart) and one finishing up 11th grade. Our situation was reversed in high school. Our DD1 was smart, got good grades but her academic and social interest in college was equal. She was happy to do just well enough to keep us off her back. DD2 was smart but was more interested in academics than anything else. We have actually had to force her to see the big picture in picking a college. Our youngest, DS1, is more like DD2.

So, BTDT. I understand your sentiment, but I urge you not to think about it as a financial issue right now, especially when talking to your DD. We framed the issue as "helping them find the place where they will be most successful." DD1 was actually interested in the college where DD2 ended up (its in California, known as a hip school and has a beautiful campus). However, once we helped DD1 realize that "doing just well enough" would not fly at that school, she decided to attend a highly regarded state school up 95. DD2 on the other hand fell in love with the school in California while visiting with DD1 and once we all were comfortable that she could be succesful in having a healthy balance (for her), she chose to attend. DS wants to attend a specific SLAC - it is expensive but the school gives a ton of aid.

Long story short - knowing her personality and motivations, try to advise her to focus on colleges where she can be successful and help her understand that, depending on the school, her expectations may be misplaced.

GL

I also have children in college. With some [not just mine] college success follows high school. But hiigh SAT's and high GPA does not mean high GPA in college. Some who didn't have major papers frequently in HS fall apart with writing. Some who were favored or went to grade inflation high schools have a tougher time. Subjective grade deflation HS's can have surprising results in college. Then there are social and motivation issues as well as alcohol and drugs.

So give the more frivolous one a chance. Do a will so education expenses are equitable deductions from the whole pie.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you realize everything you typed after your first sentence contradicted what you said in your first sentence (setting your smug assumptions aside)?

[Anonymous]

Ha...I agree pp...you were the first one to call her out on it

[Anonymous]

OP update. DD's current decision is to spend a year at NVCC and then transfer to UVa or NYU (after next year's senior year). She feels that she can't make up in her last year of HS her overall mediocre record (her words) but is confident she can get great grades at NVCC and will have an easier time transferring to the college of her choice. So she will go to college anywhere she wants to go, as we've promised.

[Anonymous]

Great plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Great plan.

Thanks for saying so!

[Anonymous]

Great plan AND very responsible (whew!, huh?)

[Anonymous]

Don't know if you're being sarcastic or not, but what a huge sigh of relief when teens come to the better/more mature/responsible decisions all on their own (and I know not to take any credit but to be so grateful). As for a choice to attend NVCC, this is not one I had given much thought.