Kindergartener doesn't want to go to school anymore

[Anonymous]

OP, can you volunteer to help at recess and/or lunch? I do that at DS' school (MCPS) and I'm amazed at the student/adult ratio--about 225 kids (K-1) to 4-5 adults, spread out over a large field, a black-top, and a playground. Things happen at recess. Not necessarily bad or good, but I think kids at this age are finding where they "fit" socially. You might learn from just observing.

Also, I found with my DS that I direct question is frequently answered with a one-word answer. But if I do an activity with him, just the two of us, he will naturally share things that are on his mind. I also lie down with him a night for a bit after bedtime stories. Frequently he gets thoughtful at night and shares more details of his day with me. Sometimes I'll ask an open-ended question or mention the name of one of his classmates and see where it goes. Other times I'll just sit there quietly and see what he wants to discuss.

I hope this passes quickly.

[Anonymous]

Great advice from PP.

[Anonymous]

OP, another option to consider is that his school isn't a good fit for him. Is this your only option or could you explore other possibilities?

[Anonymous]

reviving this thread as DS (I'm not the OP) is showing the same reluctance to go to school. Any advice appreciated!

FWIW, already talked to the teacher, and don't think it's anything with learning disabilities or abuse.

[Anonymous]

After a lot of trying to get our kindergartener to tell us why she "hates" school, it came down to this: every day she has something to tell us that was fun/interesting/positive. The teacher has not contacted us to say anything is amiss. And DS has volunteered some specifics about what she doesn't like - for example, after some effort, we figured out that she doesn't like having to go to the various "specials" (p.e., art, Spanish, etc.) because she often gets in trouble for not behaving in the hallway. When she gets there, she likes those classes.

Bottom line - it seems like its just a phase, like so many other things have been. We just need to wait it out and, most importantly, not make a big deal about it.

[Anonymous]

This is the OP - Here is what happened to our child.

I kept in touch with the teacher and we were comparing notes on my child's behavior. He did not want to go to school, especially on the bus and was scared of lunch and recess. Once he was in class he was fine.

In a summary, there was a boy that mistreated him at recess, the same boy who is also at our bus stop! Never in a million years I would think that boy would have any mean streak in him.

It took us a while to get my son back on the path of wanting to go to school without any fear.

We just kept at it when we had a chance. The best conversations we had were in the car when we were driving, on our walks and before bedtime. I would actually climb into bed with him, read him a story and then we'd talk. I just kept bringing up the children's names. After we put the story together and we retold it to my son and he agreed with every point, we solved the problem.

Good luck. Like the PP said, don't make a big deal about it. But it's easier said than done. Tell your child he needs to go to school (that's his job) and figure out what (school work, writing, math, another student) he doesn't like about school. There is something that triggered him not wanting to go to school.

[Anonymous]

So glad things worked out! How did you "solve" it, though?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So glad things worked out! How did you "solve" it, though?

How did we get the information out of him or how did we make him go back to school?

[Anonymous]

OP I'm glad you worked out your child's issue. I'm a PP who suggested volunteering at recess. I think many kids are uncomfortable during "free" time. Kindergarten is pretty structured during the day but recess is a free-for-all, as is the bus stop, and I see many kindergarten kids kind of wandering around trying to figure out where they belong or how to avoid the danger zones (organized/disorganized sports if they are not athletically inclined, bullies, pressure groups, etc.). Some come out on the field and go right to the place where they line up to go inside 30 minutes later. It's disheartening to watch sometimes but I think kids need to find their own way, within reason. My son tends to travel between groups and spends time kind of running from place to place. I don't think he's found his group yet but at least he doesn't appear to be a victim of any bullying.

There are a few tough boys and girls, a couple of whom I would call bullies. I had a victim come and ask me why he was being picked on and what could he do. I felt for him but could only give so much advice (I did suggest he talk to his teacher and/or the school counselor and of course his parents). I suggested that for the remainder of recess he stay with his friends and avoid the offending child, who regularly picks on children and doesn't seem to receive effective consequences (go sit on the bench, a talking to, etc.) and who most certainly wasn't threatened by me. I wish there was a good solution for bullying...

[Anonymous]

this happened to my nephew. They finally figured out that school just seemed boring next to all the video games they were letting him play. I know it's hard to believe. They had to put the wii in the basement. It took months to get through the situation. Not saying this is your problem, but maybe there's something else that DC thinks is more fun than going to school. Like staying home with mom or something like that.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm glad you got it figured out. I've always found that chats in the car work really well for getting my kid to open up about something that's bothering him.

Good job, mom!