Last-minute playdate cancellations -- rude or no big deal?

[Anonymous]

Wow - that all sounds way too organized for me.

[Anonymous]

Just invite one extra family if you know, which is normal at least one will cancel.

[Anonymous]

I think scheduling anything that revolves around kids rather than adults, you have to be prepared to be flexible.

Kids are cranky, get sick, schedules are off quite often in my experience. I think it's rude as a parent to bring your child to an event when you know they'll have a bad day/time. Do you want parents to drag their DC to your place to have a fit/take a nap there so they don't miss the playdate?

I never blow off anything I think DD will enjoy, even when I personally don't feel like going, and I'm sad for us both when she doesn't get to do something fun. I think you should take the high road and assume that when folks cancel they're doing what they think is best for their DC, the event host and others families participating, and are truly sorry to miss out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think scheduling anything that revolves around kids rather than adults, you have to be prepared to be flexible.

Kids are cranky, get sick, schedules are off quite often in my experience. I think it's rude as a parent to bring your child to an event when you know they'll have a bad day/time. Do you want parents to drag their DC to your place to have a fit/take a nap there so they don't miss the playdate?

I never blow off anything I think DD will enjoy, even when I personally don't feel like going, and I'm sad for us both when she doesn't get to do something fun. I think you should take the high road and assume that when folks cancel they're doing what they think is best for their DC, the event host and others families participating, and are truly sorry to miss out.

I agree with this. OP, I also belong to a Meetup moms' group where this happens frequently, and we've discussed it. When I've had to change my RSVP to no at the last minute, I call the host and apologize, but this is only because I've been a member of the group for awhile and know most of the people who host. I guess what most people who host end up doing is actually allowing for more people to RSVP "yes" to an event than they would if they expected everyone to show up-- say, 5 for your townhouse instead of 3. If everybody does show up, yes, it's a tight squeeze, but it rarely happens.

Be patient-- it took me about a year in my Meetup group to make friends whom I arrange informal playdates w/ outside of the group. (And I am pretty shy.) And if it really bothers you, you can just decide no longer to be an event host.

[Anonymous]

I hope I am not a part of your group. I am in a group with RSVPs and such, so I know what I am talking about. That being said, I have several kids of different ages and sometimes, life just gets in the way. Someone is screaming or cranky that morning. Or, o crap, we are out of milk and we need to go to the store instead of going to one of our playdates arranged over the internet. I wouldn't cancel on a friend/s playdate that was arranged more privately unless it was an emergency or someone was sick. But really, you need to chill out a little bit about this.

[Anonymous]

The culture of meet-ups in general is a culture of flakes. I've been a member of many non-Mom meet-up groups and people just don't take it that seriously. I remember events where 30 people will rsvp and only 2 will show up, sometimes, the organizer doesn't even bother showing or sometimes, you find yourself the only person there....ah good times.

Now add unpedictable children to the mix and you've got an even worse situation on your hands. I'd take it all with a grain of salt OP. Don't stress yourself out with cleaning or rushing home. Don't skip out on your own party ofcourse but I would completely lower my expectations when it comes to attendance.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't say a culture of flakes, but when looking at ones priorities, family and work and home-life and real-life friends come first. Then random strangers from the Internet. Sometimes it is necessary to re-prioritize on the fly...for instance, if I have a meetup on wed afternoon and find out wed morning that my mother in law invited us for dinner on thurs night, and I know that we will be at their house for a few hours longer than dinner at home...well if I planned to spend that time doing something at home, chances are good i will cancel on the meet up so that I can take care of other priorities--family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not talking about a true emergency such as having a sick child. Those things happen to all of us and of course I understand that. But in the moms' group I am part of, it seems that there are multiple last-minute cancellations for every single event. They are not all sick children. Usually people put forth some sort of excuse, even if it's just "something came up," but I'm fairly certain that these are not all what I would consider legitimate excuses. I find this rude, especially to the person who is hosting the event, and particularly if the person is hosting the event in their home (as many of them are). Most of the playdate-type events are limited to a certain number of moms, for space reasons, and although there is a waiting list system, a very last-minute cancellation (e.g. late the night before or morning of) keeps other people from attending. I live in a townhouse and have been limiting it to 3 other moms, but inevitably only 2 will show. A lot of times people will RSVP to a playdate based in part on the ages and sexes of the other children who will be there, so if someone doesn't show up, the mix of kids might be awkward. Which again, is fine if there is a legitimate reason for the cancellation, but otherwise it is rude. I host a playdate every other week, and I am rushing around like a madwoman trying to get things cleaned up before people come over, and then I get these last-minute cancellations and I'm like, why do I even bother if people consider my time less valuable than theirs?

I'm not exaggerating when I say that there is at least one and usually multiple cancellations for each event, no matter who is hosting. I think some of the other hosts are bothered by it too -- as the people who cancel at the last minute tend not to be the ones who host. Am I expecting too much for people to follow through on their commitments? I have read threads about this happening for birthday parties too, which is part of the reason we have never hosted one. I would hate for any of my kids to be so excited about a party and then have people flake out at the last minute. Am I wrong that this is exceedingly rude, whether for a birthday party or any other event for which you have made a commitment to attend?

SOMEBODY needs to get a job, and quick!!!!!