selective mutism

[Anonymous]

I'm 8:44. We have the added complication of being a bilingual household, which probably delayed the diagnosis for us. When she was around 2 ½ we started hearing from her daycare provider (home daycare with very few kids) that she was not responding directly to her. She was speaking to the other kids, but ‘refused’ to say anything to her. This happened on and off and was first noticed right after we returned from a trip where English was not spoken very much, so we chalked it up to her just needing more time to get back into the language again. She was acting a little shy around others, but then at that age, it’s not that unusual to not speak immediately to someone you don’t see that often, especially if they don’t speak the language you are more comfortable with. As time went by, things did not really improve at the daycare, to the point where she was clearly avoiding any verbal communication with the provider (even though she loved going there). She was actually using the other kids as a vehicle to speak for her if she needed something, and more and more in interactions with other adults she was just using gestures and not speaking. At the same time, she has always been very verbal at home, a total blabbermouth with very good skills in two languages! It’s like night and day.

We were reading up on it a little bit then and thought that some of the characteristics might fit the SM profile, but she was still too young at that point, still sorting out languages, and really not doing it consistently. Then she started preschool at age 3 and spent the entire first year there not speaking to any adult. She spoke to the kids, had a great time, made lots of friends, but as soon as an adult was within ear shot, or she was actually addressed by an adult, she completely shut down. Again, we gave her time, hoped for the best and figured as long as she is speaking to the kids, at least that’s better than nothing, but then at the end of that school year, we had kind of a key moment that made us figure something was wrong: when she had forgotten to bring a spoon for her lunch and didn’t eat anything all day because of it (because she could not ask for a spoon), we knew that this was not getting better on its own. So, we dug into the literature again, now recognizing pretty much all the signs in her, consistently, over a long period of time, and we got her diagnosed by a therapist. She is not shy in that she will instantly run up to another (non-familiar) kid at the playground and talk to them, but any verbal communication with an adult who she has not established a speaking relationship with is basically impossible. She nods, shakes her head, but will not speak. Clerk at the grocery store, teacher, friends’ parents – nada!

If you are suspecting this with your child, I would recommend trying to give her lots of opportunities to interact with others, to both give her an opportunity to warm up to them, and for you to observe how she reacts in those situations. Is she blabbing non-stop at home, but then stopping completely when someone else enters the picture? Or when you go out (like at the store), does she say thank you, good bye, hello? Is she in daycare or preschool? How does she act there? How does she do when you go visit friends? Is she all talk in the car, but then when you get there, she is silent? If so, will she warm up after a while, or does she play silently unless maybe it’s just you and her and no one else around?

Hope this helps a little – feel free to contact me if you have other questions: [e-mail]

[Anonymous]

Thanks, 08:15 poster. Your post is helpful especially regarding the length of time you observed your daughter and the symptoms. DD is 2 1/2 and showing some symptoms, so we are going to discuss with pediatrician, at least to voice our concerns. In the meantime, I am trying to employ some of the strategies that are recommended with SM - such as removing the pressure to speak, helping DD recognize safe environments for her to speak, focusing on 1-on-1 interactions instead of groups, etc.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a good plan, 21:35. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

can a child be dx'ed w/SM if she speaks a tiny little bit at school? my 2-yr-old has been in daycare for a year. for the first 4 mos, she didn't say a word. now, she says about 10. she is a total chatterbox at home, and in fact began talking at 10 mos. on the ride home from daycare, she talks non-stop. it's as if she has been holding it in all day long and the cork has been taken out of the bottle. she also has anxiety about eating in front of people. on one recent vacation, she just about stopped eating. she is a very careful observer in social situations. she doesn't participate, but it's clear to us that she absorbs everything. for example, after music classes, she knows all the songs, but during class, she refuses to sing or do hand movements like the teacher.

anyway, i'm in the process of getting the book you all recommended and doing research. up until last week, i just thought my child was extremely shy. i'm at least a little glad to know that there is a dx for her condition and something to be done about it. thank you all for the info!

[Anonymous]

If your child was diagnosed on the younger side (ages 2-4), who did the diagnosis and what was the process? I.e. was it at one appt, or a series of appts, and by a SP, ped, psychologist, etc? thanks.