Emotional Affair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An emotional affair is when one partner shares emotional intimacy with someone other than their spouse, in a way that takes away from their primary relationship. It is characterized by secrecy and deception.

I don't think this is necessarily part of it. I'm having an emotional affair, which means I'm turned on all the time, which means I'm having a lot more sex with DH. Win/win.

[Anonymous]

But if those feelings are never mutually acknowledged or discussed together, then how is that different from a crush, which everyone would agree doesn't constitute cheating? Do I know they're there? yes, though actually I am not sure if physical attraction exists I do know the emotional connection does. Will we ever talk about it? Probably not.

[Anonymous]

I guess I view crushes as a one-sided relationship and emotional affairs as two-way. Although relationships do not always progress, a crush can turn into an emotional affair and emotional affairs turn into physical affairs.

[Anonymous]

I believed I had fallen into an emotional affair with a single man in his 40s. We both know we will never touch each other. Feelings are certainly there on my side and I am sure he knows that but we never talked about it. We text and email throughout the day and talk frequently. He goes out of his way to do nice things. But then I have noticed he does not seek out opportunities to be alone together, which would be easy, although he knows I will not make a move and therefore should be safe. Then he started to tell me about a woman he met and intended to ask out at some point in the future. Can I now assume his feelings are strictly platonic, or is he confused, or are we both confused?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believed I had fallen into an emotional affair with a single man in his 40s. We both know we will never touch each other. Feelings are certainly there on my side and I am sure he knows that but we never talked about it. We text and email throughout the day and talk frequently. He goes out of his way to do nice things. But then I have noticed he does not seek out opportunities to be alone together, which would be easy, although he knows I will not make a move and therefore should be safe. Then he started to tell me about a woman he met and intended to ask out at some point in the future. Can I now assume his feelings are strictly platonic, or is he confused, or are we both confused?

He is confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believed I had fallen into an emotional affair with a single man in his 40s. We both know we will never touch each other. Feelings are certainly there on my side and I am sure he knows that but we never talked about it. We text and email throughout the day and talk frequently. He goes out of his way to do nice things. But then I have noticed he does not seek out opportunities to be alone together, which would be easy, although he knows I will not make a move and therefore should be safe. Then he started to tell me about a woman he met and intended to ask out at some point in the future. Can I now assume his feelings are strictly platonic, or is he confused, or are we both confused?

He is confused.

If you are married, and he knows you won't physically cheat, then it sounds to me like he's trying to do the right thing: avoid tempting situations, move on with his life and date other people. If he has accepted that you two aren't going anywhere, then you can't expect him to give up other opportunities to date.

[Anonymous]

An emotional affair from a man's point of view is a friendship that seems like it will become an affair but, frustratingly, does not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An emotional affair from a man's point of view is a friendship that seems like it will become an affair but, frustratingly, does not.

+1



A male friend once told me that there is no platonic relationship from a man's perspective. Men are always hoping that the relationship develops into something physical. He also told me that that was the reason men do not become friends with women they find physically unattractive.

[Anonymous]

I think it's interesting how much time and effort cheaters (potential or otherwise) put into someone other than their spouse/ S.O.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's that remarkable.

First of all, I never set out to have an emotional affair, and though I am still uncertain that that is my status since we have never discussed feelings and my feelings may not be reciprocated, I do put a lot of energy and emotion into it. It started out as a friendship that happened to intensify gradually until I realized that we were in touch several times a day every day and that that most of my friendships, especially with men, are not quite like that.

Second, the return on that energy spent is significant. I'm getting as much attention and energy and warmth as I give out. In a life largely devoid of that attention, it can feel good to be appreciated, even if he may think of me only in a platonic way.

Third, since no official relationship exists, there are not many things to fight about or disagree on, so the interaction is largely positive.

[Anonymous]

How about find someone who is not married to have an emotional affair with? That might be an idea?

[Anonymous]

Because I am the married one. He will at some point find a real girlfriend and break my heart.