How do you have time to go to all these open houses?!?!

[Anonymous]

How many of you think the schools exchange notes and know how many schools you have applied to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it to be a terrible bias against households where both parents work. Its like the schools are anti-working moms (ironic, since of course all the teachers and administrators and admissions people are often working parents!)
The proportion of mothers at these schools who work seems to be around 10-15%. It must be in part due to these hoops, right?

We split the open houses/tours up between us. My DH and I both work full time in demanding jobs. There is no way I would have agreed to shoulder the burden alone. I don't think it is a bias against working moms. It probably does result, though, in more families that have one parent at home OR a family where both parents have the kinds of job that permit flexibility or without set hours. We fall into the latter category. We both work a ton but don't have to be in the office at any particular time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL, PP.

It was worth it though. I really spent a lot of time learning this fall about the process, testing, financial aid, etc. I didn't know anything at all going in. And I work full-time -- and let's face it, DH was not really THAT helpful...

I feel like I turned over just about every leaf in the search for a middle school fit. I actually applied to the school where we ended up on a fluke. I liked the school a lot on the tour but I worried about the $ and the miles... At the last minute I emailed it in. Turns out that's where DC ended up. You never know. I do think a lot of parents I know gave up too soon and did not try very hard. Whatever you think about the process (practically like college apps and perhaps worse), if you invest the time and effort it will pay off. You'll find the right school and financial situation, most likely. I did go down a lot of cul de sacs that didn't pan out but I don't regret the experience (OK, maybe the extra money spent for things we ended up not needing). And now I have no feelings of regret or what-ifs. Good luck, everyone.

You do know that your high schooler chooses the colleges to visit and apply to, and that colleges are not all within a 10 mile radius of your house and that your high schooler has to be the "driver" of the process and complete all the interviews, essays and college apps, right? Just checking.

Do you seriously think the parents obsessing over pre-k are going to leave college applications to their child? Bwah hah hah.

[Anonymous]

Lots of research beforehand to narrow down what schools I actually wanted to attend open houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL, PP.

It was worth it though. I really spent a lot of time learning this fall about the process, testing, financial aid, etc. I didn't know anything at all going in. And I work full-time -- and let's face it, DH was not really THAT helpful...

I feel like I turned over just about every leaf in the search for a middle school fit. I actually applied to the school where we ended up on a fluke. I liked the school a lot on the tour but I worried about the $ and the miles... At the last minute I emailed it in. Turns out that's where DC ended up. You never know. I do think a lot of parents I know gave up too soon and did not try very hard. Whatever you think about the process (practically like college apps and perhaps worse), if you invest the time and effort it will pay off. You'll find the right school and financial situation, most likely. I did go down a lot of cul de sacs that didn't pan out but I don't regret the experience (OK, maybe the extra money spent for things we ended up not needing). And now I have no feelings of regret or what-ifs. Good luck, everyone.

You do know that your high schooler chooses the colleges to visit and apply to, and that colleges are not all within a 10 mile radius of your house and that your high schooler has to be the "driver" of the process and complete all the interviews, essays and college apps, right? Just checking.

Do you seriously think the parents obsessing over pre-k are going to leave college applications to their child? Bwah hah hah.

Personally I feel it's fraudulent or at least gross misrepresentation if the student is not the predominant force behind every aspect of the college app process. You do have to let the baby birds fly out of the nest sometime. We just dropped DD at big state U and there was actually tape across the floor in the student center -- where the parents could not cross.
But you're probably right. I see lots of $$$ to college consultants in DCUM-ites' future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many of you think the schools exchange notes and know how many schools you have applied to?

The Admissions Directors do talk - so don't think you can put every one as your first choice

[Anonymous]

Don;t you want to visit the schools when schools is in session? Obviously that is during working hours Mon-Fri.

Yes I do. How many visits do you make to a school? At least one open house during school hours or perhaps a weekend visit as well, group play date / child interview, parent interview, (school testing, individual testing, WPPSI). Final visit before deciding, prospective parents / student events, other events to get a feel for the students and parents in a less controlled and formal setting. This is a rather large investment, at least it is for me. Some of these events could happen in parallel instead of sequentially.

[Anonymous]

Like an earlier poster -- my spouse and I took turns so neither of us had to take too much time off...but beware of snow days called after you've already taken off work and then the school cancels the darn thing.

[Anonymous]

We have been through this for K, middle school and high school.. We narrowed our choices through research and word if mouth over the summer to about 6 schools. Many have big ooen houses on the weekend. We would go to these to weed out those we didnt want to sched a personal tour and mtg w the admin director. Yes it seems as if it all hits in oct and nov and is very hectic but you will get through it. I had the goal of getting all apps out the door by holiday break in dec and it was over for the most part. Then the waiting......

[Anonymous]

When we went through the process the first time, both DH and I were working time-intensive FT jobs. I remember feeling that it was unfair that working parents had to do this while jumping through hoops on the job and blasting through vacation hours. Seemed geared toward families with SAHMs or flexible schedules. Which I think it can be. But, the world pretty much works that way. I don't think there's actually any preference for particular family structures, but I do think that organizations, from schools and doctors to churches and play groups, don't feel the need to cater to high intensity dual-career families, whether those schedules are due to personal choice or necessity. The teachers and administrators at my kids' school provide a service, but they are not my staff. I cannot expect them to cater to the intense schedule that I chose (and in my case brings in compensation that well beyond what educators in this country earn). Schools are staffed by people with families just like ours, and they've made different professional choices that for the most part include foregoing compensation in order to have better work/life balance, including being at school at night as little as possible. It's frustrating sometimes, but thinking of it that way helped me not to take it as any assessment on my choice (and others' need) to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many of you think the schools exchange notes and know how many schools you have applied to?

The Admissions Directors do talk - so don't think you can put every one as your first choice

Also, some applications ask what othe schools you've applied to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When we went through the process the first time, both DH and I were working time-intensive FT jobs. I remember feeling that it was unfair that working parents had to do this while jumping through hoops on the job and blasting through vacation hours. Seemed geared toward families with SAHMs or flexible schedules. Which I think it can be. But, the world pretty much works that way. I don't think there's actually any preference for particular family structures, but I do think that organizations, from schools and doctors to churches and play groups, don't feel the need to cater to high intensity dual-career families, whether those schedules are due to personal choice or necessity. The teachers and administrators at my kids' school provide a service, but they are not my staff. I cannot expect them to cater to the intense schedule that I chose (and in my case brings in compensation that well beyond what educators in this country earn). Schools are staffed by people with families just like ours, and they've made different professional choices that for the most part include foregoing compensation in order to have better work/life balance, including being at school at night as little as possible. It's frustrating sometimes, but thinking of it that way helped me not to take it as any assessment on my choice (and others' need) to work.

Agree totally.

[Anonymous]

It's an investment upfront for working parents but once you are there, you save tons of time and anxiety in the smooth and streamlined communications with the school. You get what you pay for, literally.

After years of public school, I am finding the communications aspect of private school amazing. I can do so much more from my desk at work-- I used to have to take annual leave to go speak with a teacher in public school. Now I can set up a time to talk to a teacher over the phone. As a working mom, I have recouped so much "time" already this year from what I would have spent dealing with the public school. Conference sign-ups, lunch menus, attendance, etc., are all very customer-oriented. In public school you had to stalk the bulletin board for when the conference signups would begin and then quickly scribble in your name in one of the very early or very late slots. Or give up, accept the 11:15 appointment time and take the day off.

So yes, the upfront admissions process is a slog and something to get through this year but once you are settled (hopefully!) it's so much easier. GL!

[Anonymous]

OP, I remember feeling incredibly overwhelmed when we went through this a few years back - and my DH is very hands-on. As PPs indicated, you will experience this crunch over the fall, then it will wind down after the apps are in. If your DCs are lucky and are admitted, then it will wind back up for a week or so when schools invite you back for a second wooing, sometime in March.

I WOHM, but this schedule is hectic for even SAHM, especially when there are younger children to accommodate. But I don't know how schools really can do it differently. Some folks come to the open house and decide the school is not a fit and, hence, no need for a parent interview and playdate. Others want to space the open house and the parent interview in order to prep for the latter based on insights gleaned from the former.

I approached it like I did a protracted set of finals: keep my head down, stick to a schedule, and set early deadlines in order to have time to review the applications. DH and I split a lot of it up, which eased the burden for both of us.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

One solution is to do most of your research online and then narrow your choice down to three schools. You do get a sense by visiting a ton of schools, but really, a couple of hours on a tour are not terribly predictive of 6+ years of school. I think you get a pretty manageable list by limiting geography, philosophy, age range, and religion. You can also talk to your preschool teacher and see what she thinks might be a good fit for your kid. Then, of course, with the WPPSI score, you can reassess yet again.

Don't make it out to more than it has to be. There is a tendency among some to blow things out of proportion on these boards.