Desperately need suggestions regarding emotional abuse

[Anonymous]

I'm so very sorry you're going through this, OP. You absolutely have to have your ducks in a row and I know how very difficult this must be. I've got two SN kids (younger than yours) and one has anxiety. My father also had narcassitic personality and, boy, do you have your hands full. My advice would be to record your husband when he's laying into your DS. Use the video feature of your cell phone and if you don't have the right kind of cell phone, upgrade and get one. You can record things without him knowing it and it can provide a very powerful record. Set it down and just let it record, you don't even need the video, just the audio. Keep a diary as well so you can note what happened before the incident.

You sound like you could also use respite care. I know you've got the dogs and I know what they mean to your DS - I'm not suggesting you get rid of the permanently but you might consider asking a local rescue group to help you out. They've got foster families that take animals for short period of time. You should also think about contacting Jill's House http://jillshouse.org/?page_id=63 . It's run by McLean Bible Church but it's open to the entire SN community. I haven't used it but I've heard great, great things about it. They understand kids like your DS and they understand the pressure you're under. You need a break - take it from someone who knows. You have GOT to take care of yourself.

Best of luck to you and lots of hugs.

[Anonymous]

OP here. 19:23, thanks so much for your post, it really helped me to feel a little better.

Jill's House looks like a wonderful place, but it unfortunately wouldn't work for my DS. It's very difficult to explain, but in most respects, and usually from all outward appearances, you'd never know he had any issues at all. However, inside his body and mind that is not the case.

He has Tourette's syndrome and Lyme disease, so it's virtually impossible to tell at this point what contributes to what symptom because both can have similar symptoms, especially neurologically.

Anyway, among other things (learning disabilities and OCD) he definitely has an anxiety disorder and with what he's experiencing right now there's no way he would be physically or emotionally able to be away from home.

In fact, my husband or I have to be with him at all times right now because he's literally falling into walls and dropping on the floor. If it continues for much longer, then I think we'll need to hospitalize him because I fear that something more serious could be going on and/or it will take a serious toll on his health.

The good news is that I got my husband to check into a hotel temporarily, so at least for the moment I can have that pressure off of me.

Tape recording is a good idea. I have done it a bit in the past, but I'm definitely going to plant a recorder from here on out to capture some of this crap on tape. Thanks to my mom, I've kept a log pretty religiously of all of the crap that has gone on with my husband over the past several years.

The topper of everything for me was this afternoon when my husband told me he went back to his previous therapist (hope I'm not repeating myself) who had diagnosed him with narcissitic tendencies and in front of me and my husband on MANY occasions, told him flat out that he's "emotionally retarded," and it will take years, if ever for him to be able to make any substantial changes.

So my husband tells me that supposedly now (after a year of not seeing this therapist) he told my husband that he "does not have any psychological disorder or issues, and that the only issue is our marriage."

OMG, I am SO beyond fuming at this therapist!!! I sent him an email asking him to please explain the major change in his observations from a year ago and all he would say in his reply is "you and your husband must come in to discuss this." I really don't want to, but I may have to for my DS sake.

One question......you mentioned recording video without my husband knowing on my cell, but how can you do that because you have to hold up the cell to record?

[Anonymous]

OP, you need a cell phone that has video. You turn the video on, set it down, flat, on a table or chair or the floor or a counter or any flat surface, and it will record AUDIO. Your DH will not know its there or that it's turned on. Yes, it will also record video of the inside of your purse, or the ceiling, or the underside of a chair, or whatever, but it's the audio you need, not the video. There are also very tiny nanny cams you can get that are hidden inside a stuffed animal -- you could try those as well so you have video and audio of your DH's verbal abuse.

If your phone does not have video, please go to the store for your carrier and ask to upgrade to a phone with good video. An i-phone or Droid usually has great video. It will cost a few bucks, but it's worth it.

It sounds as though your DS is holding the anxiety of your family. You must pull him out of that environment. You say he'd fall apart away from home, but I suspect you are afraid to let him get away from home. He probably really needs a break from you and his father. If there's a safe place to take him, I'd consider it if I were you.

[Anonymous]

17:23 again. Believe you me, I totally understand about the anxiety. But, I don't think you should discount the idea of Jill's House so quickly. They definitely recognize that many, many disabilities are hidden and they will not be asking you to "prove" it. I don't think you should just take your DS and drop him off the first time. Take a visit. Spend some time there with him and see what it's like. In time, you likely will be able to leave him there for an hour by himself, then two hours, etc. Is your DS taking any kid of medication for the anxiety or OCD? If not, I gently suggest you consider it. It can make an amazing difference. If he is taking something, you might think about changing it. I highly recommend Dr. Joseph Balazarett in McLean/Vienna. He's a psychiatrist specializing in this sort of thing. If you're going to try medication, you must have someone who specializes in it.

I'm so glad to hear your husband has left the house - at least temporarily. I know you and your DS can use the break. Please keep us updated. Hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, 17:23. When my DS gets back to a state of semi-normality I will definitely check out Jill's house. As far as meds, he's been on antibiotics for Lyme disease because many of the meds for Tourette's and the co-morbid conditions (anxiety disorder, OCD) have so many side effects.

Most likely he will have to start on some anti-anxiety meds, but it's going to be really hard because unfortunately I've had nightmare (and I mean nightmare!!) experiences with those type of meds myself that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy.

I will check out the doctor you recommended, it is SO hard to find someone good, especially a psychiatrist who you can really trust to know what they are doing!

For now, can't leave DS by himself at all because we're afraid of him falling and hurting himself. My husband and I are taking turns staying with him, but this week will be tough because we both work.

If things don't improve in the next day or two, I think hospitalizing him may be a necessity.