Can divorced parents spend time with kid together?

[Anonymous]

Why would a child have separation anxiety when spending time with one of their own parents? If so, maybe that parent should've spent more time with the child before the divorce.

[Anonymous]

You know, I am really tired of people making judgmental, harsh jabs at divorced parents on DCUM. Even if both parents worked from home pre-divorce, and spent every possible waking moment with their child, the shift to a two-household arrangement often involves separation anxiety for young children.

9:14 That is a heartless thing to say to a parent who's divorcing, whether the parent wanted the divorce or not. Shame on you.

[Anonymous]

I would listen to your child's therapist. They are the one with her best interests at heart. Individual therapists think what is best for their patient (your therapist- your interests). As long as you aren't giving mixed messages to your partner then you should be able to tolerate the time together. Just keep it child centered.

[Anonymous]

I'm a PP who advised OP to have his therapist speak to her therapist. This situation cannot be exclusively child-centered, there are three parties here. Some of the expectations are unrealistic and not fair or sensitive to the parent who did not want the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know, I am really tired of people making judgmental, harsh jabs at divorced parents on DCUM. Even if both parents worked from home pre-divorce, and spent every possible waking moment with their child, the shift to a two-household arrangement often involves separation anxiety for young children.

9:14 That is a heartless thing to say to a parent who's divorcing, whether the parent wanted the divorce or not. Shame on you.

If you don't want to read people's opinions when you ask for them, don't post on DCUM. The OP asked a question and is getting people's opinions. I posted that I don't see why a child would feel separation anxiety b/c she will be spending her time with mom or dad alone as opposed to being together. If she is being taken away from her parents for lengths of time, yes, I could see why she would experience separation anxiety. But no, I think she will be perfectly fine spending 1 on 1 time with just mom or just dad. Your DD will be fine. Don't over think this. This sounds like the parent having separation anxiety and that's why they want to spend all of their time together.

[Anonymous]

That's not quite what you posted, PP.

You also wrote: "If so, maybe that parent should've spent more time with the child before the divorce."

Ouch!

A child feels separation anxiety because the child is constantly being separated from the other parent. It is tough for the child andl for the parents.

I am free to comment on anyone's comments, including yours.

[Anonymous]

A child feels separation when parents get separated. Yes, that is true. But, in this case, it sounds like the OP is the one with separation anxiety. Perhaps this is something the OP needs to discuss with his/her therapist and leave the kid out of it. If the OP is okay with the child spending time with the other parent alone, the kid will be fine with it too. Nobody seems to care when they leave their kid in a stranger's care all day everyday but they care when their ex gets to spend time alone with their kid. That's strange IMO.

[Anonymous]

Here is a thread OP that has some info on 50/50 in it. http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/175404.page


I think it can work but is the most difficult in the first 6-12 months after a divorce when feelings are very raw. It is also especially hard for the one who didn't want the divorce as they have really really be the bigger person and put their feelings aside and that is hard - seeing the other parent who wanted out back in your home feels like a s/he's got it all - out of the marriage but still part of the family.

Separation anxiety is normal. The child's family has just fallen apart. What was predictable is now unpredictable, life is a bit scary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know, I am really tired of people making judgmental, harsh jabs at divorced parents on DCUM. Even if both parents worked from home pre-divorce, and spent every possible waking moment with their child, the shift to a two-household arrangement often involves separation anxiety for young children.

9:14 That is a heartless thing to say to a parent who's divorcing, whether the parent wanted the divorce or not. Shame on you.

If you don't want to read people's opinions when you ask for them, don't post on DCUM. The OP asked a question and is getting people's opinions. I posted that I don't see why a child would feel separation anxiety b/c she will be spending her time with mom or dad alone as opposed to being together. If she is being taken away from her parents for lengths of time, yes, I could see why she would experience separation anxiety. But no, I think she will be perfectly fine spending 1 on 1 time with just mom or just dad. Your DD will be fine. Don't over think this. This sounds like the parent having separation anxiety and that's why they want to spend all of their time together.

Do you even have children? If so, has your child ever, say, flipped out when staying home with one parent while the other goes to the magical mysterious super-fun land of the grocery store without him or her?

Get real. Separation anxiety happens. And if it's the parent with separation anxiety, well, that's understandible too.

[Anonymous]

10:23 Mean, mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10:23 Mean, mean.

Not hardly. You should have read the things I didn't write. "Maybe you should've spent more time with the kid in the first place" types statements kind of deserve mean responses.

[Anonymous]

No, my kid hasn't ever flipped out when I've left the house to run errands. He is with my DH who he is perfectly fine spending time with. Just like the OP's child will be. The OP is the one needing therapy about having separation anxiety from her child. She needs to stop projecting her insecurities onto her child. The child is going to be spending time with her father, not a complete stranger. Why does mom need to be along for this to occur?

[Anonymous]

Do you even have children?

Get real. Separation anxiety happens.

Mean, mean.

13:57 The difference is when you run errands, you come home in a few. Not true for children of divorce. Many go to sleep crying because they miss the parent who's at their other home.

The insensitivity and flat-out ignorance of you folks is stunning.

[Anonymous]

I'm the "meany." I am a joint custody parent, for the record. I'm not opining on who's got how much anxiety or why. I'm opining on internet guilt trips layed on people going through very emotionally circumstances. Like "should have spent more time with the child in the first place" guilt trips. Which are jerky.

[Anonymous]

...emotionally CHARGED circumstances, I mean.