should I let teen quit music lessons?

[Anonymous]

I agree with the Tiger Mother in that sometimes something isn't fun until you get good. I wish my parents hadn't let me quite piano classes and insisted that I practice because I really regret not stickking with it now. The fact is that some kids are naturally drawn to music or sports or whatever and give it their all without any parental prompting, but a lot of kids aren't like that and will slack off even if they are talented. My teenage son is quite a gifted musician (or so both his teachers tell me), but he won't really push himself at it. He's kind of like that with regard to most thing: good natural athlete, good student, but no innate drive. We've decided that since he's made us invest in equipment and classes, then we're going to stay on his ass and make him practice for a while longer and see if he gets excited enough about his progress to take ownership of it. If he doesn't, we'll reassess. I firmly believe that kids need to understand the connection between effort and success, and if they want to start an activity, especially one that involves expense, then they need to stick with it for a while instead of giving up when it's not "fun" anymore. If that makes me a Tiger Mom, then so be it.

[Anonymous]

OP again. Thanks for the comments. I think the idea of looking for extra "challenges" may be a good one, although it's tough to balance with homework (he gets a lot and works really hard at it). 16:03, how do you "make" your son practice? Mine is 15 now, and quite advanced enough to play satisfying music. He'd just rather not put in the effort, especially during the school year on top of homework. Nobody ever forced me to practice, and I probably had some "dry" spells, but not for months on end. The teacher (whom he says he likes) basically told him she enjoys seeing him, and she doesn't want to put him on a "practice contract" or anything like that, but that he isn't going to progress if he doesn't practice at least a little. It seems not to matter to him right now!

[Anonymous]

Lots of good feedback here, but if I may be so bold, maybe letting him be a more casual player isn't a bad thing. Maybe he's destined to be a good player who plays for his own enjoyment and doesn't want to excel at this. Maybe he has other interests he'll discover later.

I think it's OK not to continue the lessons if he's not going to practice, and that doesn't mean he has to drop out of any ensembles.

I'm a casual musician. My brother's a well-respected pro. We never practiced at that age, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of good feedback here, but if I may be so bold, maybe letting him be a more casual player isn't a bad thing. Maybe he's destined to be a good player who plays for his own enjoyment and doesn't want to excel at this. Maybe he has other interests he'll discover later.

I think it's OK not to continue the lessons if he's not going to practice, and that doesn't mean he has to drop out of any ensembles.

I'm a casual musician. My brother's a well-respected pro. We never practiced at that age, either.

Wait, I take that back. My brother DID practice...eventually, after switching instruments. But nobody pressed him on it. He just did it. Sort of like your son works at his homework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the Tiger Mother in that sometimes something isn't fun until you get good. I wish my parents hadn't let me quite piano classes and insisted that I practice because I really regret not stickking with it now. The fact is that some kids are naturally drawn to music or sports or whatever and give it their all without any parental prompting, but a lot of kids aren't like that and will slack off even if they are talented. My teenage son is quite a gifted musician (or so both his teachers tell me), but he won't really push himself at it. He's kind of like that with regard to most thing: good natural athlete, good student, but no innate drive. We've decided that since he's made us invest in equipment and classes, then we're going to stay on his ass and make him practice for a while longer and see if he gets excited enough about his progress to take ownership of it. If he doesn't, we'll reassess. I firmly believe that kids need to understand the connection between effort and success, and if they want to start an activity, especially one that involves expense, then they need to stick with it for a while instead of giving up when it's not "fun" anymore. If that makes me a Tiger Mom, then so be it.

but at what age can you really start doing it? my kid is 7 and we chose ALL of his activities for him. at what age do we let him choose? and what if he chooses nothing? we'd end up choosing for him again and can't hold him responsible (entirely). or can we?

[Anonymous]

Being forced as a teen to practice would have just made me hate playing. If he isn't thinking a music career then why does he need to continue to improve? He is still actively involved in music and seems to enjoy it - I wouldn't push this or make it a big issue. Lots of kids play sports as kids but stop as teens when the competitiveness or schedule gets to be too much. Sometimes they try something new or sometimes they take a break. I mean as adults we don't all continue to engage in all the activities our parents started us in as children - at some point you stop or keep the one you love the most or try something else.

I quit music lessons in grade 11 and have never regretted it. I can still play socially or for fun. It was never going to be a career for me so why dedicate hours to it.

[Anonymous]

PP this is an interesting post. I almost quit when I was about 13 but chickened out of telling my teacher, and then I became passionate about it around age 16, got a masters and taught music for awhile before getting a professional degree. Music is still my passion. This is why I am afraid to have him quit -- because of the chance it might become his great passion later, too. Also because his only other passion right now is xbox, which is not an acceptable substitute!

[Anonymous]

OP, I suggest that you check out this book which has a good chapter on practice and is entirely worth reading:

http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Musical-Kids-Guide-Parents/dp/0195129237/ref=pd_sim_b_1