In the closet-- help!

[Anonymous]

There's a child in my son's (mainstream) class that DH and I, and at least a few other parents, strongly suspect has HFA. For example, it appears that the aide has been assigned to shadow the child, we see a lot of social quirks, our kids tell us stories about the child acting out in class, etc. We know the parents and have had a few playdates with them, but they haven't said anything to us, and we haven't asked. That's fine, I don't need to know. But my point is, FWIW, that to some extent there's no "hiding" it - people are going to figure out that something is going on.

[Anonymous]

OP - so sorry you are dealing such stress with your spouse. I think that with the aid of a counselor you can come to a middle ground. As many folks stated, if you open up you will be surprised at the support you receive from other parents - and also simply put important information. If you do not network, you will be going it alone and reinventing the wheel at each step. Not a bad choice - but a hard choice. That said - there will be people who judge you and say stupid things - not even realizing that is what they are doing. So, my particular path is to share information as needed with caregivers, relatives and close friends. I also have a very sensitive radar about what people say - if in casual conversation I get the vibe that a parent/neighborhood friend is judgmental - maybe that person won't the full briefing. Once you listen to how people speak - you can pick up a lot about whether they are judgmental or open minded - if you really listen.

For example, I have delightful work friends who are parents who I would NEVER talk to about my child's issues with as it would just lead to hard feeling. They have easy kids and just do not get it. On the other hand, I have some friends who don't have kids but I knew that they would immediately get it and be helpful. The reality is that some people are born with tremendous empathy even if they do not experience challenges - other people can only have empathy if they experience the issue. So, that is my path - sharing with people who get it and not wasting my limited time and energy with nice folks who are perhaps too limited and judgmental to be helpful on this issue.