Dr. being overly harsh with my almost three year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good doctors and good bedside manners have nothing to do with ethnicity. I have met plenty of Caucasion, Jewish, Asian, Indian, African people and one is not like another. Prejudice is a form of violence and a denial of a person's individuality. OP and other posters who agreed- Maybe the doc is prejudiced against SN kids just the way you are against his ethnic group. It is never pleasant to be at the recieving end of such feelings. If this doc is your only contact with this racial group, expand your horizons and set a good example for your child- people are to be accepted regardless of color, size, race AND abilities.

Wow, thanks Ghandi!!

[Anonymous]

It's spelled Gandhi. And you are very welcome.

[Anonymous]

I am of Indian descent and I assure you that culture does play a role in bedside manner. In fact, it plays a role in manners generally speaking. Indian people, especially those not born and raised in the U.S. may seem more direct and lacking in empathy or even emotion at times. Have you ever read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother? I think that was the title of a bestseller written by Amy Chua, a Chinese Yale law professor who advocated a very harsh parenting style in order to push her children to academic success. She was beyond direct, almost cruel in her manner and words with her children. She said her form of parenting was shared by Indian people too. Essentially that is correct. Indian people just seem to lack manners but, in fact, their culture dictates do not teach them to be any other way. But aside from blaming culture I think you should file a complaint against him with the Department of Health, his employer, and whoever else might be in a position to help change this man. It is awful for anyone to speak so harshly to a child who could quite possibly have a disability and can't even reply to explain himself. I would have yelled at that doctor and walked out. And I'd like to add that if such a young child can be so perceptive, so in tune with that asshole of a doctor to pick up that the asshole was disappointed with him to evoke crying, then he is not likely to be on the autism spectrum anyway. He probably has a speech delay and other delays but not on the spectrum. Check out Dr. Stanley Greenspan's ICDL articles online. He passed away but he distinguishes ASD from other disorders by saying precisely that. All the best to you and your child.

[Anonymous]

Change doctors. ASAP.

[Anonymous]

It is not racism to say that culture could play a part in bedside manner. Temperament, training, and even personal virtue all have a part.

My family is Indian, and they are all doctors, and all of their friends are Indian doctors. The full range of temperaments, quality of training, and degrees of personal virtue are found in these family and friends. But the cultural tendency is towards clinicism and arrogance. The clinicism trends from a cultural tendency to stoicism, and the arrogance can be traced to the caste system and endemic racism. Indians place an emphasis on darkness of skin (lighter skin color is valued, which is why marriage advertisements always stress light skin color) and assume one's place in society is set by karma, so when bad things happen, they are your "fault," and you deserve to have people shun you and look down on you (which is why widows are so poorly treated, for example).

These cultural norms may very well have played some role in OP's experience. Such observations are not indicative of a true racist. If these observations became die-hard assumptions about all Indian doctors, OP would graduate to prejudice and racism.

The doctor's behavior was inexcusable, whether originating from cultural norms, personality, temperament, or just plain bad behavior. I hope you find better care for your son, OP, and I hope you log a formal complaint, so this does not happen to anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am of Indian descent and I assure you that culture does play a role in bedside manner. In fact, it plays a role in manners generally speaking. Indian people, especially those not born and raised in the U.S. may seem more direct and lacking in empathy or even emotion at times. Have you ever read Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother? I think that was the title of a bestseller written by Amy Chua, a Chinese Yale law professor who advocated a very harsh parenting style in order to push her children to academic success. She was beyond direct, almost cruel in her manner and words with her children. She said her form of parenting was shared by Indian people too. Essentially that is correct. Indian people just seem to lack manners but, in fact, their culture dictates do not teach them to be any other way. But aside from blaming culture I think you should file a complaint against him with the Department of Health, his employer, and whoever else might be in a position to help change this man. It is awful for anyone to speak so harshly to a child who could quite possibly have a disability and can't even reply to explain himself. I would have yelled at that doctor and walked out. And I'd like to add that if such a young child can be so perceptive, so in tune with that asshole of a doctor to pick up that the asshole was disappointed with him to evoke crying, then he is not likely to be on the autism spectrum anyway. He probably has a speech delay and other delays but not on the spectrum. Check out Dr. Stanley Greenspan's ICDL articles online. He passed away but he distinguishes ASD from other disorders by saying precisely that. All the best to you and your child.

A very helpful and appreciated comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is not racism to say that culture could play a part in bedside manner. Temperament, training, and even personal virtue all have a part.

My family is Indian, and they are all doctors, and all of their friends are Indian doctors. The full range of temperaments, quality of training, and degrees of personal virtue are found in these family and friends. But the cultural tendency is towards clinicism and arrogance. The clinicism trends from a cultural tendency to stoicism, and the arrogance can be traced to the caste system and endemic racism. Indians place an emphasis on darkness of skin (lighter skin color is valued, which is why marriage advertisements always stress light skin color) and assume one's place in society is set by karma, so when bad things happen, they are your "fault," and you deserve to have people shun you and look down on you (which is why widows are so poorly treated, for example).

These cultural norms may very well have played some role in OP's experience. Such observations are not indicative of a true racist. If these observations became die-hard assumptions about all Indian doctors, OP would graduate to prejudice and racism.

The doctor's behavior was inexcusable, whether originating from cultural norms, personality, temperament, or just plain bad behavior. I hope you find better care for your son, OP, and I hope you log a formal complaint, so this does not happen to anyone else.

thank you