
Hm. I don't know, to me it seemed like the article about DCUM was as mean-spirited as some of the posts were. There are so many nuances she failed to capture. If you post something looking for trouble, or something inflammatory, you're going to see flames. And yes, there are hot button issues for all of us. I've actually had my feelings hurt and my feathers really ruffled by things people say on this thread, and I guess that's too bad. But when I was a new parent struggling with my colicky child, I wanted to reach through the computer screen and embrace some of you. I got real answers. When my son wasn't eating solids well and was really skinny, I got tips and reassurance that I couldn't find anywhere else. Yes, if you post "am I a bad mom if I ____" you're going to strike a chord with some people. And if you post "I don't want to go to a wedding when my kids were not invited" of COURSE someone is going to relate to your post (and maybe not your side, either). I guess it would be nice if everyone were more polite, but it's not realistic. And the security and privacy of being able to ask for straight up, not sugar-coated advice about your deepest fears or darkest moments is worth the snark, to me. I love this site and am not at all sorry about the time I spend on it. ![]() |
BTW, did anyone else notice they made a mistake illustrating the strollers? Tee hee. Clearly the author or illustrator really doesn't know much about gear. She mixed up the maclaren and graco models. Even I know that, and I'm a belligerent non-stroller user!
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LOL! Great catch! |
"And they were off. “You are a planet killer, waste your money, and dress your kids funny,” a commenter shot back. “How can one not judge you?”"
She quoted me and I was joking. |
Ick. I don't like the analysis of it all.
It's DCUM - it should be enough just to enjoy the absurdity. |
Ha! The City Paper writer's perspective brought back memories of my self-righteous pregnant self. I was never going to become like those other mothers. |
The article is entertaining, but it definitely takes the easy way out. How easy is it to find the most inflammatory threads ever and lampoon them? There's much more nuance, humor and support to this site that that article acknowledges. I've started several threads -- some revealing my own naivety (i.e. are all recovering alcoholics assholes, or just my brother?) -- and been amazed as the kind and thoughtful responses I've received.
It's true that there's a lot of status anxiety here, but there are also a lot of very bright, kind, thoughtful, funny women (and men) here and it's great to be able to connect with them. At its best, the anonymity allows us to ask questions we'd never be able to ask in real life. (i.e. should I flush my tampon or not??) PS -- I suppose there was no room for it in her article, but the thread that was invaded by Smiths lyrics is a recent favorite of mine. |
What was a pregnant lady doing outside of the "Expecting" forum anyway? She's got to lose the training wheels before she can swim with the big dogs. (P.S. City Paper author, that was a joke.) |
I don't think that she "got" it, and think that she chose to write a pretty standard "mommy wars" article based on a few overwrought flame fests. She should have also looked at the support on the TTC threads and for those moms who have suffered a miscarriage, for those who are struggling with their child's special needs, or any other number of helpful threads.
For the $$$ threads, I often assume that half of the people who post the HHI are lying about how much money they actually make. ![]() Perhaps her article is more about her fears about how her life will change after the baby comes, than about DCUM. |
The quilted jackets comment was on point. |
I think she summarized General Parenting pretty well (I still don't know what the Big 3 schools are or what Big Law is) and I liked the analysis of why these 'perfect moms' are the way they are. I just wish she would have spent more time in some of the other forums that are more supportive. I'm most familiar with Special Needs and spend a lot of time there. The norms for that forum are so much different than General Parenting. As a whole, the group has been so supportive, informative and non-judgemental. We occasionally get into arguments but it usually doesn't degenerate like it does on General Parenting. In fact, 'go back to General Parenting' is a rebuke. I wish the author of the article had seen the compassion and support of the Special Needs forum and spoke to it more. |
I think she missed the point that a lot of people do this as entertainment and not because they actually believe what they post.
I find this site very useful and avoid the majority of the stroller/private school/SAHM v WOHM/breastfeeding flame wars. I've been a parent for nearly 9 years now. A lot of that stuff is behind me. I also honestly don't care what someone who has been parenting for 5 months thinks about my decisions. It's not like this site is the only place where people who don't know what they're talking about give obnoxious advice. The world is teeming with people like that. |
The article captured one element if the site but missed a whole lot more. Entertaining but not terribly insightful. |
Not much that's new here -- a cheap and easy shot. Sure, there are threads that devolve into crazy, nasty, pointless, repetitive and profane slugfests (and some that start that way), but there are also funny, heartfelt, smart, earnest and remarkably civil exchanges among total strangers -- that's pretty remarkable. In this regard, Jeff, I think you're cutting the author way too much slack; in a month of perusing DCUM, she must have seen some of the better angels of our collective nature -- and, indeed, she acknowledged this in one sentence early on before going on to recount in lurid -- though not particularly insightful -- detail the worse of DCUM.
At bottom, though, I'm wondering what's so bad about trying to be a good parent -- not dissing you, Adequate Parent, or your fans, just saying that most of us, even when we know we can't be at our best as parents all the time, aspire to do a good job at this child-rearing gig at least, say, 80% of the time. If DCUM helps us to do that -- by providing a perspective on the many different ways of being a good parent (or "good-enough" parent, if that makes you feel less anxious), by providing an occasional laugh at ourselves and the impossibiy high standards we set for our families, and by providing a forum where you can ask for advice from others traveling down the same road, what's so outrageously shocking and bad about that? And, while you're pondering that, DCUMs (and DCUDs), just what's so bad about peace, love and understanding? |
I agree. Yes, flame war post was fun for a minute or so. Same as confessions. But, I've gotten some great info here on daycare, when I wanted to go away for vacation the first time, and starting solids. It gives you both. |