What privates take high functioning Aspergers kids?
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Anonymous
| 22:40 again and thanks everyone who followed up. You made my day. I have gotten so sick of the folks who treat AS as a shameful thing, who yap about labels, who don't understand. We should arm our children with understanding, including their medical diagnosis, so they can advocate for themselves and together -- parents of kids with AS and the folks with AS themselves -- we can change how the world sees our children. |
Anonymous
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22:12 - Honestly? Are you doubting this child is different or just upset about the attention given to it? I would love to give you the benefit of the doubt and hope you are concerned about the effect a "label" might have on the child's psychological health. Because it would be ridiculous if you are annoyed that a child's parents are looking for the right school environment for their child. That's what we are ALL doing!
Do note - that just because the parents have a diagnosis they are mentioning here in this board - it doesn't mean they are "outwardly labeling" their child in public. It means they are using the language necessary to find other parents who have faced the same issue in a school search. For all you know, they have never said one word to - or in front - of their child RE "the label". I would bet that instead, at such a young age, they do their best to make their child feel loved, comfortable and happy in everyday life. Just like the rest of us, they want their child to be happy - and to be in an environment that allows them to learn both academic and social skills. Believe it or not - for some parents this is more complicated of a puzzle to solve. So instead of being critical, maybe you should be thankful your search is less complicated. |
Anonymous
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We are currently looking at private (and charter) schools for our 3.5 yr old DS with AS. So far, GDS and Lowell have been the most receptive to considering high-functioning AS kids for enrollment (PK). I can't speak for schools outside of DC though. We have been upfront about our son's diagnosis and willing to share evaluations from his treatment team. GDS, for example, was was very direct about accepting SN kids based on their ability to make accommodations/provide additional services for the child. Bottom line, OP, you should visit schools, discuss your child's needs and determine if the school can accommodate. Has your child already attended school, can a teacher write about his/her performance and behavior in a classroom? We are looking at privates because of their small class sizes compared to public, however, if a child can't function in the classroom and needs individual support in class in addition to social skills class and OT outside of class, most regular private schools will not be able to accommodate him/her.
Also, I wanted to address 22:12. Labels can be very helpful in dealing with people, as PPs mentioned. Even family members. My DS was recently diagnosed and we have not shared that info with many people. In fact, I just told my mother a couple of days before Christmas. I didn't know how to bring it up as my mom is very judgmental and frankly, a know it all! My son had a bad tantrum at the zoo after trying to get him to leave an exhibit that featured one of his obsessions. My mom has made comments since DS was 18 mos old about how we need to discipline him, etc. because he will grow up . . . (get the picture?). Anyway, in anger, I yelled at my mom (which I avoid) and told her that it was more complicated, beyond mere discipline problems, that he had Asperger's. She didn't know what that was, but I explained when I calmed down and talked about ASD. I share this because of her response that surprised me. She said, "And I thought he was just spoiled!" She even noticed similarities of other members of our family and the difficulties that they had in life--she even proposed that they may have AS and no one knew, just thought they were bad, weird, etc.! The last few days have been great. My mom has treated me with respect for the last few days, more patient and understanding with my son. She finally understands that I am not excusing his difficult behavior but seems to understand that this is a process that will take time and my husband and I are learning, day by day. Just wanted to share this! |
Anonymous
| Its a medical diagnosis. We can all be grownups and call things by their proper name, then hopefully others will follow. I suspect 22:12 has a child with a diagnosis and is struggling with her own concerns about the issue. |
Anonymous
Didn't say Asperger' s doesn't exist and am well versed in all aspects of the autism spectrum as well as the pain one feels being very bright but cripled socially. Just take offense with language on this thread like," all the Aspie kids I know"...."I know this Aspie boy" etc... Just as I would ,"oh, those downs kids all go to X school" . One can become aware and educated and advocate for their child without acting like they've just gotten religion. You preaching above , makes a lot of assumptions about what I know or don't know. You might benefit from a less knee jerk reaction to people who have a different view point it might prevent you from jumping to conclusions ( re: your above rant) |
Anonymous
| 22:40 again. I never use the term Aspie, I hate it -- too cutesy. But I feel very confident about the harm of these myths about "labels" - real harm -- having a child and two adult siblings with Aspergers. I have the long view. I have suspected throughout this thread that you have a child with AS and are struggling with the diagnosis. I know that is difficult. But I have learned the hard way that if we don't call this disorder by its proper name and treat it as just another aspect of our children and NOT a source of shame, we will serve our children with AS best. And yes, I have become a bit militant on the subject. I didn't just get religion, I grew up with it. |
Anonymous
You also overeact and try to get WAY too much into people's head. No, I don't have a child affected by Asperger's syndome. I also didn't say that the OP didn't love his/her child when I pointed out that the label when thrown about as it is on this thread puts their disability in bold face( like a label on their forehead) and I really believe that the child in all their uniqueness should be presented in whole. As in ...my child is this , this and this, he loves this this and that , his strongest qualities are X, Y, Z , he is also affected by Aspergers. The way that this affects him is....the skills he is developing to work with it are....As opposed to ( read the thread in the beginning)"This Aspie kid I know" "That's funny all the kids I know who go to X school are Aspie, etc... I found that offensive. That was my ENTIRE point.What you then read into it was your own head trip. FYI,my experience with Aspergers has come from working with adults who are affected by it. Neurosurgeons, genetics researchers and the like. These people are in their 30's and 40's and grew up in a time when labels like this weren't just bounced around , IMHO ,recklessly. AGAIN, before you over react AGAIN, I do not think that discreetly advocating for your child with people who are professionally bound to respect their privacy means that you are retreating behind the veil of shame. I am simply saying that exhibitting one's child as an "Aspie Kid" lessens them , and like all labels, invites stereotyping. All of the people I speak of have learned social skills to over-compensate as well as gravitated towards careers where they contribute to society greatly, but don't have to feel uncomfortable most of the day and have done quite well. Many are world renowned in their profession Your knee jerk attack on me, your assumptions about my DC are way over board and I suspect that you are not as adjusted to all of this as you claim. |
Anonymous
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I have a DC with AS. DC is much older than the children mentioned in this thread. DC attended regular pre-school and was OK in school until in a chaotic place....
AS need regular ed academics or GT not special ed for core content. It can be a real problem in public school since they might place them with those with low or low average iq's. It's a real battle so if you can go private . |
Anonymous
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OP was asking which schools take kids with AS. I don't know how you ask that question without mentioning AS. The responses about the Lab school were absolutely appropriate because -- as many of us who have kids with ASDs know -- the Lab school claims not to take kids with ASDs. I believe its even on their website. And yet the school is chock full of kids with ASDs. This is relevant if you, for example, have a child with AS and are wondering if you should send him to the Lab school. There was absolutely nothing inappropriate about the responses. Perhaps you would like us to all mention our children's many wonderful qualities and we could all do that at length, but really, if you want to know which school will take your child (and many will not take a child with an ASD) the only way to find out is to just spit it out. If you ask the question "which school is best for my child who uses a wheelchair?" are you "exhibiting" the fact that your child uses a wheelchair? Or do you have to somehow soft pedal the fact that your child uses a wheelchair? Can we not use the proper names for things?
I'm glad you know some super duper professionals with AS. I do as well. But statistically most adults with AS, who weren't diagnosed as children and never received the interventions that my DS receives, are not successful, professionally or in life. I know these folks as well, I am related to them. It is a cautionary tale. I am very glad my son has the word for why he is different, and as I said earlier, we don't dwell on it and mostly he doesn't care. But it is not a secret and I will not perpetuate the sense of shame about it. I'm sorry i erroneously concluded you were a parent in denial. I understand now you are just a bystander. Please understand that those of us who do have children with AS want information, such as about schools, and we're not going to get that information if the word "Aspergers" is treated as a dirty word. |
Anonymous
| Oh, and tell me how "discretely advocating" for my child works? Do I whisper? Lower my voice when I say the word "Aspergers?" Oh, and only to people "professionally bound to respect their privacy" works? I can't tell the piano teacher why my DS doesn't make eye contact? I can't tell the mom at a birthday party that my DS has a peculiar phobia? That would be "exhibiting" him, rather than ensuring that the particular event goes well. Fortunately, my DS doesn't have tantrums, but many kids with AS do and you bet I would explain to judgmental bystanders that my DS wasn't just being bad or spoiled. We get our children what they need when we ask for it. |
Anonymous
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THANK YOU to the PP's who point out that it's most appropriate to tell people about your child's diagnosis as needed. My son does have tantrums (meltdowns, rages, whatever one wants to call them) plus panic attacks. He can have horrible problems with the simplest childhood activity and he can also do things that other kids his age couldn't possibly do.
My son is going on 5 years of interventions now. Some things have gotten so much better and some things are coming out more clearly as he gets older and that pesky pervasive developmental delay thing comes out. I have absolutely no problem with "labeling" him. He would have Asperger's whether we said it or not. He knows he has Asperger's and anxiety, he is increasingly able to self-advocate (telling us when he thinks he can't handle a certain activity) and this helps him navigate his life. Aspies have a higher than average incidence of depression as adolescents. My son has already exhibited clear signs of depression and has been suicidal. When his elementary school called me to come get him because he had expressed a clear plan to kill himself, I became even more clear that we need to do whatever, tell whomever, take any steps we need to keep him healthy, happy, and ALIVE. |
Anonymous
12:05 here: This is a forum for parents with SN children. Why are you reading these posts about kids with AS? Why are you commenting? You are not helping or adding anything but negativity. You don't know if any of the PPs go around "exhibiting their kids as Aspie Kids". The OP asked a question and PPs provided direct answers to their questions--this is an online forum. Like I said before, the label you think is thrown around recklessly is very helpful when explaining to people why your child is perseverating, not making eye contact, etc., etc. I usually don't get upset and reply to post like yours, but as I told my mother and some other people who think they are being helpful and mean well with their non-professional/no experience opinions and advice--you don't know what it's like to have a child with AS, you don't has AS, you are not a professional, so please stop! |
Anonymous
| This is actually the private school forum, not the SN forum, though i do agree with you 10:15. OP asked a question about private schools, those of us with kids with AS answered, PP was somehow offended (why?) and dug into an opinion that is obviously upsetting to those of us who actually have children with AS. |
Anonymous
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I also want to point out that the increased incidence of depression and suicide in kids and adults with AS is real, and has been statistically demonstrated. Some of this may be situational -- the impairment is real but invisible. People with AS appear to be like everyone else, but unlike everyone else they have difficulty with the "rules" of being, how people interact, what you do, say, don't do, don't say. This is a huge impairment if you think about how much we use nonverbal and verbal communication in our daily lives.
But I happen to believe that increased rates of depression and suicide are also because people with AS have different brains, their wiring is different. Since it is "pervasive" as the umbrella term indicates, it affects everything, including and especially brain chemistry. This is the dirty little secret of Aspergers, the thing our media doesn't illuminate when they do stories about little professors and brilliant scientists, the few who have made it into adulthood unscathed (and I would guess that under the surface they are plenty scathed). So PP really hit the nail on the head when she used the term "self-advocacy." We need to prepare our kids to take care of themselves. That starts with arming them with knowledge, an understanding of their unique wiring. And it also starts with acknowledging their differences and removing the sense of shame. Referring to a medical diagnosis as a "label" does perpetuate a sense that this is a shameful secret. |
Anonymous
Oops, I thought I changed forum to SN thread. Thanks |