Expectant Black Mom Raising Biracial Donor Kid alone

[Anonymous]

Just love your child -- every part of him/her. Be your natural self with your friends and family around the child. Don't apologize or be afraid of where he comes from and what "made" him be whatever color he is. You don't have to have dated a while man to raise a biracial child, but IMO you should be honest from start to finish. In the end, your child will grow up to be his own person. And the more he can walk the walk and talk the talk in several cultures, the better.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if this will help you or not but I have a donor child. Our situations are different because he happens to have my same coloring. But the questions about when to bring up the donor are still there. Everything I've read says do it right away. You might have a larger issue if your child doesn't look like you so you might have to deal with the issues that many adoptive families deal with. I think that living in the DC area, you are lucky that there are so many different types of families, different skin colors, that it's probably the best time in all history to have a bi-racial donor child! I hope the best for you and your child.

[Anonymous]

Just be honest and with all things say with love. Tell your child that you wanted them so badly that you took the donor route and it didn't matter what color they were mixed with as long as they are here. Tell them they have the right to explore both cultures and choose. Allow them to find their own way regardless of how they look. Teach them we are all MIXED with something but teach them LOVE above all and they will be fine.

[Anonymous]

OP, honestly, the issues are more likely tom come from the black community....
The most important thing that you can do is to make up your mind to shut out any disrespectful people or nosey types. You have to take a stand and NEVER explain anything to outsiders. You will have little to explain to your child too.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same boat. But no donor dad. But will be on my own. I am fair skinned and will have to wait to see what the kid looks like and go from there...either ppl will assume I'm his mommie or his nanny. My bigger issue will be if his father decides to participate. He has no clue what it is to be a black man in this country (as a woman I am at a disadvantage as well). There is something to be said that our education system is white/european focused so I got it covered. Not sure how (my white) child will fit at JackNJill etc.. but we will be there....

[Anonymous]

I’m biracial, mother is white, and father is black. When I was a young child I didn’t even notice color until a little white girl called me “Blackie” at summer camp and brought up the whole issue. In junior high I realized I didn’t fit in with the white crowd and began socializing with other bi-racial children and the black community. My best friends growing up were biracial – black and white, black and Latina, etc. I got to college and embraced being both, and while studying abroad in Spain and later working in Japan have been mistaken for Brazilian, Moroccan, “from the islands” – the list goes on. I ended up marrying a white man and have a 15 month old daughter. I guess she’ll identify as a white person (?) but with a subtle tan and my nose I’ll let her decide. Growing up my parents taught me about racial history in America and abroad and how it’s not smart to judge people by the color of their skin. The rest was my decision to make. Lately I have noticed that the only issues I find towards me and my family come from the black community. Black men who think I shouldn’t be with a white guy, black women judging me or judging my daughter. I plan to keep her in a multicultural environment with international exposure. I look at it as an intelligence issue. People who can’t see beyond color are uneducated in my opinion. You can make jokes or draw generalizations but haven’t you ever met that one person who throws your theory to the wind and lo and behold may even become your friend, or more? You can't control how other children are raised or what negative seeds will be planted in them. Your bi-racial child will look like you and you will see yourself in him/her. She can know about her father’s ethnicity, and she can be a multicultural child or can identify with one. Give the child tools to understand the world, and letting them know you love them no matter what will allow them to make the right ethnicity decision for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Check out this link about Biracial faces being voted most beautiful. Enjoy your gorgeous child and stop worrying!

http://www.futurity.org/society-culture/biracial-faces-voted-most-beautiful/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the same boat. But no donor dad. But will be on my own. I am fair skinned and will have to wait to see what the kid looks like and go from there...either ppl will assume I'm his mommie or his nanny. My bigger issue will be if his father decides to participate. He has no clue what it is to be a black man in this country (as a woman I am at a disadvantage as well). There is something to be said that our education system is white/european focused so I got it covered. Not sure how (my white) child will fit at JackNJill etc.. but we will be there....

Not at all would be my guess.

[Anonymous]

Hey,

I'm a mulatto woman with a black child. I just wanted to say that I wouldn't worry about him getting white influences because that is the cultural/political dominant in american society. But please do speak about race to him when he gets older. My white mother never spoke about it with me, thinking there was nothing to be said but we live in a very racist society where it matters. Its a part of my identity that I continue to wrestle with and I wish I had somebody guide me through that.

Also, your child may actually look white. Its a roulette, you have no idea what the outcome may be. My black father almost was arrested chasing me as a kid because I was light skinned and they assumed I was white and he was kidnapping me. Do not be naieve to the equation youve entered into

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the same boat. But no donor dad. But will be on my own. I am fair skinned and will have to wait to see what the kid looks like and go from there...either ppl will assume I'm his mommie or his nanny. My bigger issue will be if his father decides to participate. He has no clue what it is to be a black man in this country (as a woman I am at a disadvantage as well). There is something to be said that our education system is white/european focused so I got it covered. Not sure how (my white) child will fit at JackNJill etc.. but we will be there....

Not at all would be my guess.

Because... your a member of JackNJill? Your an expert on predominately African American organizations?