Beloved dog may have to be put down - WWYD?

[Anonymous]

21:44 here again. One piece of advice for you, OP. If you decide to go the vet route, I would call ahead and schedule it. Presumably your vet is already involved because of the injury. It's hard enough to make the decision. You want it to go as smoothly as possible without any hiccups. Virtual hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

We brought our then three year old with us. It was a very sudden need, so we didn't have a chance to get a babysitter or do it while she was at daycare. We explained that he had cancer and that he was not going to get better. That the vet would help him be comfortable and then he would die. I think she was more upset by how upset we were.

The librarian at our public library recommended these books:

Mr. Roger's When a Pet Dies - I remember this as being a very matter of fact and age appropriate explanation of death and the feelings that may go along with the loss of a pet.
Tenth Good Thing About Barney - More about grieving.
The Rainbow Bridge - probably more comforting to DH than to DD.

OP - I am very sorry to hear about your beloved dog's prognosis. As much as I still miss our dog, I am grateful for the time we had him in our lives and that he didn't have to suffer for longer than the last 12 hours of his life. <sniff> I hope you can have a good farewell and come to peace.

[Anonymous]

As a child I had a dog that we treated like family she was our nanny no one was allowed in reaching distance of us when she was watching us in the yard.

I was 5 came home and looked around for her. I knew the week before my mom said that Frankie is sick and she might die. They put her down a week later she was in great pain but didnt tell me before they did it. I think I was in less stress because I thought she died on her own. I know the truth now.

I have had to put other dogs down the worse ones have been when I was older. Kids take it better and move on.

I am sorry to read your having to deal with this.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't have your daughter there. At age 14 I was present when my 22 year old cat was put down and it's still one of the most upsetting memories of my life. Watching her look at me as she died was so horrible.

[Anonymous]

Just reading this post makes me cry. We have two middle-aged dogs and the thought of them being seriously ill is such a huge fear of mine. Wouldn't know how to talk to the kids about it or how my husband and I could grieve safely without upsetting the kids.

DH and I had a dog before we got married and we had to put him to sleep. We still cry every year on his birthday and it's been 5 years.

Ugh. My heart goes out to the OP and all of the posters who have dealt with the loss of a pet and helping a child through the grieving process.

[Anonymous]

OP - I'm really sorry. I can't even read a lot of these posts. I'm sitting at my desk crying!

The though of losing my dog is horrible. I hope you get through it ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When we put our cat down, the vet gave me advice on what to tell my little child.

He said to make sure the child doesn't confuse going to the hospital with being put down. You don't want a connection drawn between the beloved pet's death and what might happen to grandma if she gets sick.

The vet told us this too - and also, don't say the dog got old and died/got sick, for the same reasons.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am so sorry that you are going through this. Losing a pet is one of the hardest things to go through in life. DH and I had to put our sweet dog down and even though it has been four years (just yesterday, in fact) it is still painful. DH has a really hard time talking about him to this day.

You've received some great advice from PPs about what to tell your daughter - my piece of advice is that no matter where you do it, home or vet, don't have your daughter there. She won't understand and you will be very upset - DH and I were both sobbing uncontrollably. She is young enough that she will get over it relatively quickly, I think. You'll have to deal with her asking about him a lot, though... and it would be tough for me to stay composed when talking about the dog afterwards, so just remember to tell her it's okay to be sad and miss him. I'm so sorry.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry. It's a really hard thing to do. I don't think I'd let the child watch.

[Anonymous]

My dog was very ill with tumors. She was a little dog and it was advanced. Our vet said if she survived the surgery it would be a difficult recovery (and she still might die). I couldn't watch the horrible pain and suffering she was going through.

We put her to sleep at the vet’s office surrounded by her family. My kids were 16 and 19 at the time and wanted to be with her but it was still very hard to watch her die. My dog hated the vet’s office and even as sick as she was she started freaking out. My vet kindly gave her a sedative so she wouldn't be scared. They were very sensitive to our pain (and hers) and wanted her passing to be peaceful and as painless as possible.

My special needs child had a very difficult mourning period. My older child kept the dog’s collar and tags. My younger got dog tags engraved with her image. It's been two and a half years and we still miss her.

I wouldn't have a small child witness it. It is just too hard. Let them say goodbye at home and get a keepsake for them to remember the dog by.





I wouldn't have a small child witness it. Let them say goodbye at home and get a keepsake for them to remember the dog by.

[Anonymous]

I'm sitting here at my desk reading this posts and I can hardly contain my tears and emotions. We have a ten year old dog and though he is healthy now (except for some age-related arthritis), the thought of having to put him to sleep is almost unbearable to me (and my DH). My son is 3.5 and he LOVES this dog more than anything. This is our first pet and I've never owned a pet before in my life. My dog is like another child to me.

OP, my heart goes out to you.

[Anonymous]

ditto to PP. Our dog is 11 and starting to have arthritis issues and I cry everytime I think of him dying. DD is 1 yr old and the dog is her best friend.I can't even bear to think of how hard it would be. all the previous posters have very good advice. Hugs to you, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, there is a really good book about a class losing their hamster and the good things they remember about him and how they are so glad he touched their lives. It really focuses on the positive, in a realistic way. I'm sorry I can not recall the name of the book offhand.

We just went through this with our very old dog. If you say goodbye at the vet (which should be fine), do NOT have them there for the needle part. Just have them say goodbye in their own way and don't stretch it out too much. But the needle part is way too much, even for most adults (I'll speak for myself).

Find ways to remember the dog together; find a balance between enough for them and all the time, if that makes sense. Good luck and peace. I know it's difficult.

[Anonymous]

OP here.
Wow. Thank you to everyone for your stories and compassion. I didn't realize I'd get such a response. Dog is home and on meds. We are trying to balance our desire to keep her in our lives with her need to resume her normal activities. She is still in good spirits and not in pain, but clearly not able to do the things she loves. This may be her last weekend with us. I like the idea of euthanizing at home and not calling it sleeping. we have decided our child won't watch. It's so hard to see these animals - who we love dearly and for many people is a first "child" of sorts - lose their independence and abilities. Your posts had me sobbing this afternoon. It helps to know it might be incrementally easier day by day to deal with the loss, but that it can be profoundly full of grief to lose a pet almost as much as a relative or friend. I am writing at 2:30 am from the downstairs couch where I can't fall back asleep. I couldn't bear to have her sleep alone or later regret not spending one more night with her. Thank you, DCUM readers, for listening and being wise.

[Anonymous]

OP - I also had to go through this recently with my 2 year old, and our beloved golden retriever who was 11 and suffering from a very aggressive cancer. My DD loved our dog like a best friend, and our dog loved her back and watched over her just as fiercely. We had our pet euthanized at home, in her favorite spot. it just seemed right that way. There are vets in the area, who will come to your home, and we wanted our old girl to be comfortable in her home, rather than in the scary vet office with strange smells, cleaners, people, sounds, etc. Our pet never liked the vet and had a lot of anxiety about going, so we preferred to keep her at home when she crossed the "Rainbow Bridge."

I don't know what your religious background is, but as for our DD, we explained to her in simple terms that Daisy was very sick, and that she hurt a lot. That she was old and that sometimes when we are old and aren't feeling well, dogs and people go to heaven where they are healthy and young again, and they will wait for us there. That Daisy loves her very much, but has to say goodbye to go to heaven. We also read that poem the "Rainbow Bridge" to her, to help her understand.

We did not allow her to witness the euthanasia, but we gave her the chance to say goodbye to Daisy before the vet arrived. And, we also lit a candle in the house and put up a framed picture of Daisy. To this day, our DD still carries the photo around and says Daisy. it's heartbreaking, and we still cry 8 months later. She was part of our family.