Inheritance is breaking up the family

[Anonymous]

I could sue my dead husband’s family because of the way they’ve handled his share of the family partnership after he died. I won’t. And I’ve told my children there is money that should be yours there but I’d have to sue your dad’s family to get it and I won’t. Money truly ruined his family’s relationships with each other, and continues to do so. I’m teaching my children that money should never be more precious than family bonds. Fortunately I earn enough that we don’t need that money. It still make me angry and sad.
My own family (mom and siblings) is poor 😁 so we get along mostly fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Legal is legal. What the will says is all that matters. Or what is written into law. That's all that matters.

Most states law it is stirpes— spouse, if none then split equally to children, if none then siblings if none then nieces/nephews, if none then first cousins, etc.

So if no will it does that and usually with wills or trusts it does that.

Thus deviating from that makes the disharmony, especially if not communicated and happened very late in life (the inheritance changes).

And of course, if you are remarrying you are supposed to bump up your biological children to split equally with new spouse.

[Anonymous]

I blame the people who die for not being decisive and clear and having an iron clad will.

[Anonymous]

Thanks fully, my mom and her subs have been able to work through everything. They are all on relatively equal financial settings. It could have easily have escalated, only b/c my uncle, POA, kept delaying the process for years. The other siblings refused to say anything though would complain about it. He finally said he was ready to do it when his grandchild hit late HS (in preparation for college costs). He thought this was good planning even though 2/4 siblings had grandchildren who had graduated college already. Unbelievable how dense people can be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother and I made a pact that we would never fight over money. Four grandparents and one parent down, and so far so good.

Same. I have a very similar story to the poster upthread who mentioned a dispute over a house and nobody speaking until the swindler was on their deathbed. I tell my mom once a year that she can divide everything as she sees fit, it's HER money, and if she leaves more to my brother, it's fine with me. And it really is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I blame the people who die for not being decisive and clear and having an iron clad will.

I think it's not always so straightforward. My grandmother wanted to change her will (she left her house to her daughter who lived with her well into adulthood). The other 2 siblings were married. When that daughter got married later in life and moved out, she told her kids she wanted to change her will so the house could be sold and the proceeds divided, but she died suddenly without changing it, and the sibling who legally inherited everything through the will wouldn't share any of it. It caused a rift between the siblings that lasted the rest of their lives.

[Anonymous]

Overseas inheritance laws might be very different from those here. For example, my mom could leave a will, but it might not be considered at all, and the law requires that everything be distributed evenly among the children. It is up to the kids to decide, or to split 2 even two square meters of land in half, and that is very difficult in Europe, where some people, well, just like here, think all should go to them. My aunt is like that, and well, it turned out that my cousins had a huge falling out when their dad died. My cousin's husband thought most should go to them, and they would not settle until they got what they wanted. It ruined my cousins' relationship forever.

[Anonymous]

Money beings out the worst in people.
So glad I’m an only child.

[Anonymous]

Brings^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I blame the people who die for not being decisive and clear and having an iron clad will.

This. All of our children will receive an equal amount. None will receive any before we die. My mil still funds two of DH’s siblings. It will be messy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whoever is fighting over money has no way of making their own because of capacity.
Have mercy.

This is so wrong. Talk to any estate lawyer and they will give you plenty of examples of people fighting over some ridiculous item in the estate.

I have a sibling I am estranged from for many years. We had another sibling who had virtually nothing and technically we didn't even need to file probate.

The estranged one STILL ridiculously demanded to see every piece of paper including any with handwriting, drawings or scribbles in the deceased's household BEFORE it could be discarded. (And no, the deceased was not an artist.)

Since my only communication with the estranged one is via my lawyer, it wound up costing me $$$ just to ping-pong back and forth about ... pieces of paper including junk mail with handwritten jottings on it.

[Anonymous]

Can anyone beat this? My deadbeat sibling is attempting to convince the other siblings to voluntarily disinherit themselves (one of the few ways to undo the effects of an irrevocable trust). The rest of us just squint at dear sibling with our jaws on the floor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't you just say leave me out, take my share and ignore it all?

We did that with any material items from my in-laws very modest estate. DHs siblings and other family members divided up the stuff, including a car, or it got donated. DH really didn't want anything. We did get 1/3 of the remaining money, which was something like $50k. It didn't really cause any issues between the siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can anyone beat this? My deadbeat sibling is attempting to convince the other siblings to voluntarily disinherit themselves (one of the few ways to undo the effects of an irrevocable trust). The rest of us just squint at dear sibling with our jaws on the floor.

Yes, I can!

I voluntarily disinherited myself from a sibling's estate so I wouldn't have to deal with another malignant sibling.

My lawyer drew up paperwork to that effect and the malignancy REFUSED to sign it. They simply did not want to agree to anything I asked for - even my complete and voluntary disinheritance and relinquishment of any claim on the estate. They batted the documents back and forth until attorney's fees wound up almost cancelling out all the assets in the estate.

The lawyer was stymied and said they'd never seen such level of crazy before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could sue my dead husband’s family because of the way they’ve handled his share of the family partnership after he died. I won’t. And I’ve told my children there is money that should be yours there but I’d have to sue your dad’s family to get it and I won’t. Money truly ruined his family’s relationships with each other, and continues to do so. I’m teaching my children that money should never be more precious than family bonds. Fortunately I earn enough that we don’t need that money. It still make me angry and sad.
My own family (mom and siblings) is poor 😁 so we get along mostly fine.

Sorry but this is why family members steal from estates: because most people are total pushovers and not on top of things. And nothing ever happens to them even after they’re busted. From small sums to fortunes. And if it’s not family it’s thieves and crooks at the probate courts, auctioneers, real estate brokers, estate attorneys, wealth managers and accountants.