Am I going out too much?

[Anonymous]

My wife goes out once a week, and it can be hard. We had to negotiate this, because she wanted to be gone two nights a week. It works better now that we have an older kid, but it was a harder when we had a toddler.

I also think if he's ALSO working late and weekends, you don't have a ton of family time there. It doesn't feel good to see your spouse rush off to be somewhere else if you're already not getting much time together.


And I'm not a "lazy man." I'm the one who does virtually all the parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not being unreasonable, except for the part about working out to lose weight. Cutting calories is for losing weight. That doesn't take extra time. Working out is for strength and conditioning.

+1 Of course you can leave your DH on his own to deal with his children 3 days a month. And you should absolutely work out, for all the mental and physical health benefits. And weight loss primarily is related to food consumption.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you hire a sitter to take care of the kids while you're out? Husband will be home to facilitate and manage but, the burden will be off of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you hire a sitter to take care of the kids while you're out? Husband will be home to facilitate and manage but, the burden will be off of him.

I would lose all respect for my husband if I had to hire a babysitter while he was home. Op, he's not wrong that working late is not the same thing. Sounds like he could use a night for himself every now and then as well. DH and I make sure we have breaks and get to do things solo.

[Anonymous]

I have to disagree w/your husband on this.

You are practicing self-care by working out as well as socializing which makes you an optimal Mother as well as wife.

He is only complaining because he does not want to be saddled alone w/the responsibility of caring for your toddler.

Men typically do not like doing childcare on their own when their kids are that young. 😤

[Anonymous]

No, you are not going out too much.
He is an a**hole.
The question is: why do you have 3 children with an a**hole like this? He is a bad parent.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t seem like a lot to me. You don’t mention if you work. If you are a SAHM, you could probably find a gym with childcare and take classes there during the day.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t sound like a lot to me but if your husband is overwhelmed, consider getting a sitter for some of the periods when you are out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t seem like a lot to me. You don’t mention if you work. If you are a SAHM, you could probably find a gym with childcare and take classes there during the day.

OP wrote that they both work full time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t seem like a lot to me. You don’t mention if you work. If you are a SAHM, you could probably find a gym with childcare and take classes there during the day.

OP wrote that they both work full time.

Both husband and wife working full time, husband working overtime, and one or both having multiple solo outside-family obligations with small children is objectively being stretched thin on time.

OP might be minimizing the state of things too because the way the story is told comes off is, she’s totally reasonable and right and it’s such a small tiny thing obviously, and her husband is obviously irrational, unreasonable, lazy, evil, and wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t seem like a lot to me. You don’t mention if you work. If you are a SAHM, you could probably find a gym with childcare and take classes there during the day.

OP wrote that they both work full time.

Both husband and wife working full time, husband working overtime, and one or both having multiple solo outside-family obligations with small children is objectively being stretched thin on time.

OP might be minimizing the state of things too because the way the story is told comes off is, she’s totally reasonable and right and it’s such a small tiny thing obviously, and her husband is obviously irrational, unreasonable, lazy, evil, and wrong.

If her H feels stretched thin on time, he can set some boundaries with work and not work in the evenings. His work hours are his choice.

OP should not give up what makes her happy because her H lacks the spine to say no to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t seem like a lot to me. You don’t mention if you work. If you are a SAHM, you could probably find a gym with childcare and take classes there during the day.

OP wrote that they both work full time.

Both husband and wife working full time, husband working overtime, and one or both having multiple solo outside-family obligations with small children is objectively being stretched thin on time.

OP might be minimizing the state of things too because the way the story is told comes off is, she’s totally reasonable and right and it’s such a small tiny thing obviously, and her husband is obviously irrational, unreasonable, lazy, evil, and wrong.

If her H feels stretched thin on time, he can set some boundaries with work and not work in the evenings. His work hours are his choice.

OP should not give up what makes her happy because her H lacks the spine to say no to work.

What a ball buster, jeez. Let me guess, you’re divorced?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you hire a sitter to take care of the kids while you're out? Husband will be home to facilitate and manage but, the burden will be off of him.

I wouldn’t hire a sitter, but I might sign the kids up for a class or something. My kids went to a gymnastics place where the older ones did Parkour while the youngest did a tumbling class once a week. It can be a lot easier to take care of kids with this kind of structure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t seem like a lot to me. You don’t mention if you work. If you are a SAHM, you could probably find a gym with childcare and take classes there during the day.

OP wrote that they both work full time.

Both husband and wife working full time, husband working overtime, and one or both having multiple solo outside-family obligations with small children is objectively being stretched thin on time.

OP might be minimizing the state of things too because the way the story is told comes off is, she’s totally reasonable and right and it’s such a small tiny thing obviously, and her husband is obviously irrational, unreasonable, lazy, evil, and wrong.

If her H feels stretched thin on time, he can set some boundaries with work and not work in the evenings. His work hours are his choice.

OP should not give up what makes her happy because her H lacks the spine to say no to work.

What a ball buster, jeez. Let me guess, you’re divorced?

Why don’t you want to hold men accountable for their choices? He chose his job, he chose to take on extra work. That’s fine, but his choices don’t mean he gets to dictate what everybody else does with their time.

If he’s feeling stretched too thin, he needs to cut back on work. Not demand everyone cater to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t seem like a lot to me. You don’t mention if you work. If you are a SAHM, you could probably find a gym with childcare and take classes there during the day.

OP wrote that they both work full time.

Both husband and wife working full time, husband working overtime, and one or both having multiple solo outside-family obligations with small children is objectively being stretched thin on time.

OP might be minimizing the state of things too because the way the story is told comes off is, she’s totally reasonable and right and it’s such a small tiny thing obviously, and her husband is obviously irrational, unreasonable, lazy, evil, and wrong.

If her H feels stretched thin on time, he can set some boundaries with work and not work in the evenings. His work hours are his choice.

OP should not give up what makes her happy because her H lacks the spine to say no to work.

What a ball buster, jeez. Let me guess, you’re divorced?

Why don’t you want to hold men accountable for their choices? He chose his job, he chose to take on extra work. That’s fine, but his choices don’t mean he gets to dictate what everybody else does with their time.

If he’s feeling stretched too thin, he needs to cut back on work. Not demand everyone cater to him.

This. My husband does some projects for work that require travel. When he's back he encourages me to go out to get a break.

To be clear I encourage him to do things too. He plays racquetball, for instance.