My Tween has a horrible attitude

[Anonymous]

Same here with DS who just turned 13. Mother’s Day was a total bust — all I got was extremely crappy attitude. Meaning: Persistent demands on me for material things for himself, with no letting up for one single day that was Mother’s Day. Another thing: refusal to discuss a plan for studying for his exams, as I had requested, and then when pressed, insisting on relying on random garbage AI program as a means to study (seriously, would not back down when I told him to make note cards the old fashioned way!). Also, no gift, no card, no happy Mother’s Day. All he wanted was for ME to take HIM out to dinner so he could enjoy it. I said I’d like a walk with him, and he refused. Just crappy all around. But hey I did get to spend mother’s day with my MIL.

I’m still livid about the whole thing. Spouse totally dropped the ball on even getting the kids to make cards for me. He had the nerve to tell me I was making too much noise with the coffee machine when I got up in the morning and made myself a coffee. He felt bad about the whole day and said he was distracted by work all weekend (that he was — I was also not happy about that). What to do? I’ve asked for a redo.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you and I had the same day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 11 year old daughter constantly has a bad attitude. She doesn’t say please or thank you, constantly rolls her eyes, ignores when I’m speaking to her or ask her to do something. She couldn’t be bothered to even wish me a Happy Mother’s Day when the day before we had to go to my grandmother’s funeral, who can she was upset about having to travel to.

I’m exhausted. That’s all just venting. I have no spouse to help with this, so I posting it here.

Why? Just trying to understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is this child’s other parent?

I notice people ask this often. I think it’s rude. The other parent could be anywhere, left, dead, etc.

Dead is tragic. Ill is tragic. Working away from home is hard and quite tough on everyone.

But, bad picking by the mom who was not forced to breed - is just stupid. Won't waste my time on stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 11 year old daughter constantly has a bad attitude. She doesn’t say please or thank you, constantly rolls her eyes, ignores when I’m speaking to her or ask her to do something. She couldn’t be bothered to even wish me a Happy Mother’s Day when the day before we had to go to my grandmother’s funeral, who can she was upset about having to travel to.

I’m exhausted. That’s all just venting. I have no spouse to help with this, so I posting it here.

Why? Just trying to understand.

I'm trying to understand why you're a rude jerk who can't just answer OP's question instead of asking nosy questions.

[Anonymous]

If she doesn't say please when asking for something don't do/give it to her. If she doesn't say thank you, take it back. Treat her like the toddler she's behaving like. If you're home and she speaks with attitude, tell her to go to her room and she can come out when she can speak without one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One good spanking will solve it. Do it now so that she is not out of control in later years.

This. But you all don't want to hear it.

You can’t spank a 13 year old, that is ridiculous

+1
It doesn’t hurt or scare them. She’s not two anymore.

Awwww...cho chweet!!

How about real consequences? Like - taking away privileges. Remove the door to her room. Take away internet, phone, makeup, friends, treats, allowance, play dates, nice clothes. Give her household chores. Make her do her homework. Teach her how to cook and make her responsible for making dinner twice a week. Start her on Math tutoring. Keep a hawk-eye on her grades. Get rid of the house pet. Institute strict sleep time and wake up time. No TV. No laptop. Go to her school and have her attend a meeting with you and the counselor to improve her academic performance. Be in her business. Don't let her take the school bus. You drive her and pick her up from school. Remove her from her sports team. Remove her from theatre group.

And then give back the priviledges slowly only if they improve and earn it.

Like really? You cannot control your 13 year old? Yes, no CPS can fault you for doing all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 11 year old daughter constantly has a bad attitude. She doesn’t say please or thank you, constantly rolls her eyes, ignores when I’m speaking to her or ask her to do something. She couldn’t be bothered to even wish me a Happy Mother’s Day when the day before we had to go to my grandmother’s funeral, who can she was upset about having to travel to.

I’m exhausted. That’s all just venting. I have no spouse to help with this, so I posting it here.

Why? Just trying to understand.

I'm trying to understand why you're a rude jerk who can't just answer OP's question instead of asking nosy questions.

Because ...Dead is tragic. Ill is tragic. Working away from home is hard and quite tough on everyone.

But, bad picking by the mom who was not forced to breed - is just stupid. Won't waste my time on stupid.

[Anonymous]

I’m the pp with the surly 13 yo son. Yes, I’ve tried all the things. Meeting with school counselor as a family re: study habits; imposing consequences re screen time and activity time; clawing back money he’s earned from doing extra chores. Sending him to his room. None of these things work. It is exhausting and am curious to hear more suggestions from parents with this type of kid (yes, I strongly believe that part of this is a nature issue not a nurture issue)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is this child’s other parent?

I notice people ask this often. I think it’s rude. The other parent could be anywhere, left, dead, etc.

np.. but I think this might contribute to the behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same here with DS who just turned 13. Mother’s Day was a total bust — all I got was extremely crappy attitude. Meaning: Persistent demands on me for material things for himself, with no letting up for one single day that was Mother’s Day. Another thing: refusal to discuss a plan for studying for his exams, as I had requested, and then when pressed, insisting on relying on random garbage AI program as a means to study (seriously, would not back down when I told him to make note cards the old fashioned way!). Also, no gift, no card, no happy Mother’s Day. All he wanted was for ME to take HIM out to dinner so he could enjoy it. I said I’d like a walk with him, and he refused. Just crappy all around. But hey I did get to spend mother’s day with my MIL.

I’m still livid about the whole thing. Spouse totally dropped the ball on even getting the kids to make cards for me. He had the nerve to tell me I was making too much noise with the coffee machine when I got up in the morning and made myself a coffee. He felt bad about the whole day and said he was distracted by work all weekend (that he was — I was also not happy about that). What to do? I’ve asked for a redo.

That absolutely sucks, and I would totally ask for a redo, especially from your spouse. He is supposed to be on your side, your co-parent, your support. You should be able to ask things from him, and he should deliver. No doubt he delivers when asked at work, so he can do it at home, too.

If it all feels forced and not fun, stick to it anyway. Now they will know what it's like to do it and be able to do it without rehearsal in the future. I'd be very clear about what you want and make it no longer than 90 minutes, eg, I want a card with a personal sentence or two, flowers, a meal we all eat together with no phones that someone else makes and cleans up (or at a restaurant), and a walk. I also don't want anyone to argue with me for the day--just please do what I ask within reason. They'll get the message, and if nothing else, you'll get flowers, less arguing, and a meal you didn't have to cook or clean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This behavior did not happen overnight; are you are overly permissive parent? If you don't hold your ground and have her respect your boundaries, when she hits 16, you will have a larger problem on your hands...

I second this. tweens/ kids/ teens must learn respect, it's not inherent.

If you do not sit them down and teach them manners and respect, you will have problems.

!!!Get their attention!!! Take away their privileges immediately when they do something like being disrespectful. Point out that is not what is expected. Tell them you will not allow that behavior and they will lose their (insert privilege here, phone, internet , tv ect...) for a day because of it.

Tell the what to say instead. Teach them there are consequences when they disrespect you. If they are like that to you, they are shitty kids to other adults/ teachers and friends.

And their behavior will get worse long before the mature and turn into young adults with who also do no respect authority figures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where is this child’s other parent?

I notice people ask this often. I think it’s rude. The other parent could be anywhere, left, dead, etc.

I think it’s rude too. Who cares if the other parent is there. Why can’t this mom vent to us?

I’m right there with you on this roller coaster of raising teens, OP. My oldest is 18 and more pleasant than 2-3 years ago so I have hope.