Give them time to figure it out

[Anonymous]

People who need a sounding board ofter bombard you with their problems but then don't update you once it's no longer a worry for them

[Anonymous]

Yeah no. My child in college calls or checks in 3 times a week at the most. She is fine and I really have no worries. She did have girl drama one day and called crying but we talked it out and it was fine. I have a child in elementary school too so I am busy and don’t have much time to feed into that. I check Life 360 a few times a day and check her patterns and that is it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By the time kids become adults, most caring parents need years to get rid of two decades of nature's conditioning to worry about them and protecting them.

If you are currently going through it, take deep breaths and have faith in them to eventually figure things out. They may struggle but they'll learn art of adulting.

Sure, can’t wait. But guiding them and being a sounding board continues to happen. Which is great.

We had one problem child one totally independent and it’s night/ day the amount of worry and doubting you do when you have a special needs kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who need a sounding board ofter bombard you with their problems but then don't update you once it's no longer a worry for them

That’s fine. True here: No news is Good news!

Mine does for job negotiations, travel logistic checks, also to see how we’re doing or subs are doing.

2-3 calls a month.

Have no idea who she’s dating in nyc or if no one. She has great roommates and friends.

[Anonymous]

There comes a point where we "get rid of" worrying about them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There comes a point where we "get rid of" worrying about them?

You can stop acting on it but you can't stop caring about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah no. My child in college calls or checks in 3 times a week at the most. She is fine and I really have no worries. She did have girl drama one day and called crying but we talked it out and it was fine. I have a child in elementary school too so I am busy and don’t have much time to feed into that. I check Life 360 a few times a day and check her patterns and that is it.

I check Life360 on my college kid maybe once a WEEK

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it very hard as I have the opposite problem. I try to step back, and my college kids constantly want my advice, input, help. I don't think a single day has gone by without one of them having some small, medium or large dilemma about something. Today it's my ds who has a summer job offer but not the job he truly wants, and how to juggle this offer with this other job he wants but is waiting on a response for, and this other third job...I find it exhausting and I do not want to give input. I often resist and do not, but then it weighs on me.

This is a cautionary tale for you parents out there will kids who are middle/high school. They are like this because:

a. They have not formed judgement because they were always told what to do/like
b. If they have opinions, they don't trust them
c. They want your thoughts because they are afraid you will come in with an opinion later; why not just cut to the chase
d. They are so afraid of failure or a misstep since they have been told forever that a mistake could "ruin their chances at" x, y, or z
d. They know you don't trust them

What about the adhd/asd kids who actually do have poor judgment?

Same rules apply unless you want to be mommying them in your basement forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it very hard as I have the opposite problem. I try to step back, and my college kids constantly want my advice, input, help. I don't think a single day has gone by without one of them having some small, medium or large dilemma about something. Today it's my ds who has a summer job offer but not the job he truly wants, and how to juggle this offer with this other job he wants but is waiting on a response for, and this other third job...I find it exhausting and I do not want to give input. I often resist and do not, but then it weighs on me.

This is a cautionary tale for you parents out there will kids who are middle/high school. They are like this because:

a. They have not formed judgement because they were always told what to do/like
b. If they have opinions, they don't trust them
c. They want your thoughts because they are afraid you will come in with an opinion later; why not just cut to the chase
d. They are so afraid of failure or a misstep since they have been told forever that a mistake could "ruin their chances at" x, y, or z
d. They know you don't trust them

yeah not so sure about that. that’s alot of conclusions based on the fact that PPs AC reaches out for advice or to talk. Sometimes they just want to talk it out or they dont trust themselves. I think it’s nice that they talk to their parents still. A lot of ACs put up walls and communication drops once they leave the nest.

Agree 100%. DH and I never once considered calling our mothers for advice or assistance once we turned 18 because we knew they didn’t care, would berate us for not doing something well, bring it up constantly in the future and would offer zero assistance.