Is is normal for kids to hit their parents?

[Anonymous]

Of course it's not typical or common. You knew that. But if she's so dysregulated that the activities are putting her over the edge, it's also ok to let her quit all activities and focus on her mental health. I hope you knew that too.

[Anonymous]

It's only normal with neurodivergent tweens who lack communication skills and emotional regulation. If you went to a therapist who works with families of these kids, they would tell you

-immediately disengage (get out of the car, leave the room, etc.) without emotion

-don't discuss until later when the kid is calm

-always validate the kid's emotions, never validate bad behavior

-physical violence and safety violations merit punishment, tell your kid now so it's not a surprise, be consistent

[Anonymous]

No, but you know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, not normal. What consequences did you give her?

I didn’t know what to do. I was severely abused as a kid, so being hit feels familiar, almost welcome, yet distressing at the same time.

I told her that’s it’s not okay to hit me, but she just hit me again then.

My husband told her not to hit me and I scheduled a session with the school counselor, who told my daughter to just walk away when she wants to hit me.

I wonder if my daughter needs psychiatric help. Prozac? I wonder if she is anxious or depressed.

“Walk away” while riding in a car? Anything…realistic?

[Anonymous]

Your daughter is a bully and you are the weak one she has targeted because she knows she can do it without any ramifications.

[Anonymous]

Is it "normal" is a tough question.
Is it acceptable? No
Is it common for most kids around that age? No.
Is it something a kid might try to see if they can get away with it? Perhaps, if discipline at home hasn't been strict and the child isn't certain what the limits are.
Is it bad enough to be an emergency that means the child immediately needs the involvement of police or a psych hospital? Not right away, necessarily, unless someone is in danger of getting seriously injured.

At first I would suggest thinking about your discipline so far. Have you set consistent limits including that physical violence is unacceptable? Are there immediate and memorable consequences for bad behavior? (Consequences are not necessarily physical punishment but would include something unpleasant like loss of privileges, early bedtime, writing about what she did & should have done instead, or extra chores, etc). Does she know that you mean what you say when you give her instructions, rules, or limits?

If not, spend a few weeks to a few months focusing on getting the basics on track. You might need to read some books about parenting this age group, take a class, or get advice from parents you trust with kids slightly older than yours.

Since you may have 12 years of a habit of not listening to your limits, it could take a while to impose new habits. It will be difficult, and unpleasant, and she will act like she hates you. It's also almost certainly worth doing now before she gets older and her potential misbehavior gets even worse.

[Anonymous]

Maybe one or twice during the tween/teen years, but no, not regularly over everything, no.

[Anonymous]

A lot of these responses are just shaming and unkind to a parent who is struggling and seeking help in multiple places. OP, don't listen to those posters.

I recommend seeking out a therapist for her and for you. I think you have a kid with strong emotions who needs to develop stronger emotional regulation skills, and that you could use some help managing your own emotions (especially given your abusive upbringing) and learning some parenting tools.

I would suggest asking in the special needs forum for recommendations for therapists and parenting coaches, you will get good help there (and more empathy and less judgment). You sound like a loving mom who needs support. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you are trolling.
Obviously, this is totally unacceptable.
Biggest concern is she is using this as a coping mechanism and it will become her default. If you do not take drastic steps to curb this, she will be arrested and imprisoned for assault on someone else.
Don’t be afraid to call the police and report it, first offense would be a summary but would open doors to treatment that are otherwise unreachable.

Wow, I really don’t want to call the police. Can I take her to dominion hospital for help? Do they have a child unit?

You do need to tell her that it is a crime to assault others and it results in police action. Make her aware that you will involve police if she commits a crime against you. I would not take her to hospital. Call crisis intervention if you feel the situation is out of control and you can’t keep her safe or yourself safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of these responses are just shaming and unkind to a parent who is struggling and seeking help in multiple places. OP, don't listen to those posters.

I recommend seeking out a therapist for her and for you. I think you have a kid with strong emotions who needs to develop stronger emotional regulation skills, and that you could use some help managing your own emotions (especially given your abusive upbringing) and learning some parenting tools.

I would suggest asking in the special needs forum for recommendations for therapists and parenting coaches, you will get good help there (and more empathy and less judgment). You sound like a loving mom who needs support. Good luck to you.

+1000

Shame on some.of these posters

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of these responses are just shaming and unkind to a parent who is struggling and seeking help in multiple places. OP, don't listen to those posters.

I recommend seeking out a therapist for her and for you. I think you have a kid with strong emotions who needs to develop stronger emotional regulation skills, and that you could use some help managing your own emotions (especially given your abusive upbringing) and learning some parenting tools.

I would suggest asking in the special needs forum for recommendations for therapists and parenting coaches, you will get good help there (and more empathy and less judgment). You sound like a loving mom who needs support. Good luck to you.

This isn’t an empathy moment. Op needs to be the adult here. This isn’t okay. The child needs to be punished. Op needs to set up appropriate boundaries around hitting.

[Anonymous]

OP herself has reached out and solicited advice/help/guidance.

Calling other people judgmental, for responding to OP's original post, is helpful... how?

OP – No, this is not normal. I would consider discussing with a clinical psychologist (individually) first. After discussing your own parenting patterns with the psych, you may have a blueprint for how you decide you want to approach the situation. But no, it is not normal. I am confident that you will work it out, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh my…is she neurodivergent?…it’s not normal for NT children.

I don’t let my kid with autism hit me. So no it is not normal for neurodivergent kids either.

ok, maybe my wording is wrong. Depending on where they fall on the spectrum, it is common for neurodivergent kids to exhibit aggressive behaviors. If you want to challenge that send all your questions and concerns to the internet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, but you know that.

+1