Anyone else tired and burned out like me?

[Anonymous]

Right there with you, OP. My elderly parents have used a tax preparer for the last few years, which I thought would make the process simpler following one parent's unexpected death earlier this year. I got in touch with the tax preparer at the end of Feb/beginning of March, she sent a checklist, and I brought over the documents on the checklist, which had already been gathered before my parent's death. Thought that was the end of it, but on April 14th the tax preparer sent me on a wild goose chase for two missing 1099s* that, after hours of detective work, turned out not to exist. Got that resolved and then the return was rejected by the IRS. It's like every little thing is so hard and time-consuming. I'm exhausted.

For those asking, these were 1099-DIV, 1099-INT, etc., not work related.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Right there with you, OP. My elderly parents have used a tax preparer for the last few years, which I thought would make the process simpler following one parent's unexpected death earlier this year. I got in touch with the tax preparer at the end of Feb/beginning of March, she sent a checklist, and I brought over the documents on the checklist, which had already been gathered before my parent's death. Thought that was the end of it, but on April 14th the tax preparer sent me on a wild goose chase for two missing 1099s* that, after hours of detective work, turned out not to exist. Got that resolved and then the return was rejected by the IRS. It's like every little thing is so hard and time-consuming. I'm exhausted.

For those asking, these were 1099-DIV, 1099-INT, etc., not work related.

100%. I have had to start taking days off JUST to work through the long list of phone calls that need to be managed - you never know whether it will be a day's task or a few minutes, what next steps you will need to take. And all of the stuff is vital from medical billing follow-up to tax forms to trying to get bank information etc. I'm drained but there is no one else that can manage this - and yes I do pay for help where and when I can - but there isn't someone who you can do all of it for them...I hear you OP and PP...I'm exhausted

[Anonymous]

My mother was sure she needed to talk to her brother (who's been dead for decades) about her taxes, which she was sure he did for her (never).

I tried to feel good about the fact that she knew it was tax day and managed to work the phone.

Also, $^/;;#

[Anonymous]

So sorry OP. I am going through the same thing. Trying to find and intercept tax documents then using TurboTax to file fjr my mother.

I was so mad that neither of my siblings even considered how our mother was going to file taxes if I didn’t help out. It took so long to do and was so stressful, not actually putting the information in but searching for the documents needed.

[Anonymous]

YES! in the same boat with the taxes. We needed a 1099 from social security for my dad who died middle of last year. My mom tried to retrieve it herself (she's got some cognitive decline) only to tell me that after 20 minutes on hold, she could not take it anymore and hung up! okay mom, we'll just tell the IRS that you didn't feel like waiting on hold!!!! (I called and got it the next day). Sending good thoughts to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is she still working if she can’t even file her taxes

I’m much younger and don’t file my own taxes. What are you talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is she still working if she can’t even file her taxes

What are you talking about? Parent jas dementia. I’ve prepared the ya es for uears.

I have no idea why there is no 1099. We will file without a 1099 and use an estimate and let the IRS find the info.

If they want to arrest parent, fine. Haha. Feds can put them in dementia jail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s probably a 1099-R. Not employment related.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s probably a 1099-R. Not employment related.

This. But it still doesn't make sense. If there is a tax preparer, why is OP acting as the go between transmitting her parents' documents to the tax preparer? This makes it sound like her parents are not particularly competent or reliable. But in that case, why did OP rely on their self-report of what documents they had? I would have logged into OPM with them back in February and made sure we had everything, and then sent to the preparer. Or, alternatively, just let them send the docs themselves and let the preparer deal with it. I'm not clear what the point is of being a go between if you are also just passively going to send along whatever they give you without checking to make sure it's correct or complete. That's the whole point.

To answer OP, yes, I am very tired and burned out and I spend my time doing all kinds of stupid administrative activities. My life often feels joyless and exhausting. But I do try to offload what I can and not take on additional tasks unless it really makes sense for me to do them. I already feel like so burned out from work and parenting.

My extremely old parents with dementia ARE unreliable.

And they did not ever use the internet or email.

I understand it is hard to imagine someone who never used online banking/email/internet, who paid credit cards by phone call and who is at a point that they enjoy nothing beyond ice cream and think their parents are still alive. But that is where we are.

There is no go between.

My parent does not even know what taxes are anymore. All their mail
Comes to me. I scan the tax forms and upload them for tax guy.

I sent forms in Feb. Tax guy did not start until April 14.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
YES! in the same boat with the taxes. We needed a 1099 from social security for my dad who died middle of last year. My mom tried to retrieve it herself (she's got some cognitive decline) only to tell me that after 20 minutes on hold, she could not take it anymore and hung up! okay mom, we'll just tell the IRS that you didn't feel like waiting on hold!!!! (I called and got it the next day). Sending good thoughts to you.

Thank you! You get it. I am sorry you had to go through that.

(I am laughing at these people asking why my parent is still working.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right there with you, OP. My elderly parents have used a tax preparer for the last few years, which I thought would make the process simpler following one parent's unexpected death earlier this year. I got in touch with the tax preparer at the end of Feb/beginning of March, she sent a checklist, and I brought over the documents on the checklist, which had already been gathered before my parent's death. Thought that was the end of it, but on April 14th the tax preparer sent me on a wild goose chase for two missing 1099s* that, after hours of detective work, turned out not to exist. Got that resolved and then the return was rejected by the IRS. It's like every little thing is so hard and time-consuming. I'm exhausted.

For those asking, these were 1099-DIV, 1099-INT, etc., not work related.

100%. I have had to start taking days off JUST to work through the long list of phone calls that need to be managed - you never know whether it will be a day's task or a few minutes, what next steps you will need to take. And all of the stuff is vital from medical billing follow-up to tax forms to trying to get bank information etc. I'm drained but there is no one else that can manage this - and yes I do pay for help where and when I can - but there isn't someone who you can do all of it for them...I hear you OP and PP...I'm exhausted

I have had to do the same. Then some person was asking what I do with my “time.” Yes, all my luscious time. I am just eating expensive chocolates in a bubble bath…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Right there with you, OP. My elderly parents have used a tax preparer for the last few years, which I thought would make the process simpler following one parent's unexpected death earlier this year. I got in touch with the tax preparer at the end of Feb/beginning of March, she sent a checklist, and I brought over the documents on the checklist, which had already been gathered before my parent's death. Thought that was the end of it, but on April 14th the tax preparer sent me on a wild goose chase for two missing 1099s* that, after hours of detective work, turned out not to exist. Got that resolved and then the return was rejected by the IRS. It's like every little thing is so hard and time-consuming. I'm exhausted.

For those asking, these were 1099-DIV, 1099-INT, etc., not work related.

100%. I have had to start taking days off JUST to work through the long list of phone calls that need to be managed - you never know whether it will be a day's task or a few minutes, what next steps you will need to take. And all of the stuff is vital from medical billing follow-up to tax forms to trying to get bank information etc. I'm drained but there is no one else that can manage this - and yes I do pay for help where and when I can - but there isn't someone who you can do all of it for them...I hear you OP and PP...I'm exhausted

I have had to do the same. Then some person was asking what I do with my “time.” Yes, all my luscious time. I am just eating expensive chocolates in a bubble bath…

+1

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Like another poster said adult children get thrown into this role and many have no clue what it entails. Most of us have never been retired, collected social security, been on Medicare, taken distributions from pensions and investments. It can feel overwhelming. That isn’t something you can just suddenly learn overnight and searching the internet can lead to conflicting results.

It’s been 2 years since my parent passed. I literally have ptsd from it. You are not alone.

[Anonymous]

My dad thinks the VP of Bank of America did his taxes…at least they’re done…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad thinks the VP of Bank of America did his taxes…at least they’re done…

Your dad deserves the best!