How many physical falls are acceptable?

[Anonymous]

When you say his wife, I'm guessing this isn't your mother?? That makes things harder because she doesn't want him to leave either, I would guess. Or maybe they can't afford the care??

As has been stated, he will have an emergency, end up in the ER, may be admitted, and most likely rehab if his living environment isn't deemed safe.

[Anonymous]

If they are relying on 911 to provide care, things are out of control-- that isn't normal or sustainable. It's past time to be looking for the best options for care for him locally. If he can afford in home care, start there. If not, start researching local skilled nursing options that are in budget. Maybe take a trip to where he is and preview some options. It may make sense to get him and his wife on the waiting list at some places as a starting point.

[Anonymous]

OP, I missed that he is in diapers. Is he incontinent or is he choosing that due to mobility?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I missed that he is in diapers. Is he incontinent or is he choosing that due to mobility?

The diapers due to both, but mostly mobility. Prior he was not able to get to the toilet "in time" so we pushed diapers on him, but now I wonder if there is some incontinence involved as well. He is definitely having constipation issues. Sometimes severe.

I just want to thank everyone who has posted here. I keep re-reading the advice given and it has been very helpful in processing next steps. Of course my father will adamantly refuse any next steps (he lashes out when angry and scared) but it helps to at least have options clear in my mind. I will be making some calls in the morning to see about options.

[Anonymous]

Call me heartless but I’d try not to worry too much. One day things will come to a halt and then you’ll figure something out. Most likely he’ll be taken to a hospital and pass there or at the post hospital rehab.
Take this from sometime whose mother refused to leave her hoarded house and died in that hoard. I wish I didn’t have the fights with her that lead nowhere, for her sake and mine. Sometimes they just want to leave on their own terms.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, OP-I think what will likely happen is that he will eventually have a fall where he is injured, admitted to the hospital and then likely discharged to a rehab facility.

At least, that is how it worked for my dad. I'm sorry you are going through this-it's scary, I know. I'd be at work and get those calls from Mom 'dad's on the floor, emts' coming'. The EMT's are angels! My dad typically did not get injured (he had advanced Parkinsons and usually just did a slow roll to the floor) but I called 911 twice, both for head injuries (or what I thought could be).

Once he's admitted, go to the hospital and talk to them. Although my elderly mom was the legal POA, they were always good about talking to 'the daughter' (it's like an unofficial title LOL). Rehab might help your dad get better on his feet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I missed that he is in diapers. Is he incontinent or is he choosing that due to mobility?

The diapers due to both, but mostly mobility. Prior he was not able to get to the toilet "in time" so we pushed diapers on him, but now I wonder if there is some incontinence involved as well. He is definitely having constipation issues. Sometimes severe.

I just want to thank everyone who has posted here. I keep re-reading the advice given and it has been very helpful in processing next steps. Of course my father will adamantly refuse any next steps (he lashes out when angry and scared) but it helps to at least have options clear in my mind. I will be making some calls in the morning to see about options.

This can be a perpetuating cycle where he doesn’t move because he doesn’t have to, and loses more and more function. The lack of movement can contribute to constipation. He sounds like he’s struggling emotionally as well as physically.

I’m glad you had so many helpful responses and I know how difficult it is when your LO is angry and resistant to help. All you can do is your best. Good luck with your calls today.

[Anonymous]

I know you said his heart is good, but you might want to consider getting him evaluated anyway. My MIL was falling and turns out she had internal bleeding that was diagnosed through blood work, endoscopy and colonoscopy. All were done inpatient in the hospital. Once they got the internal bleeding under control, the falling stopped.

Also, given that he's falling, he might not be accepted at an AL facility. He might need a SNF.

[Anonymous]

Sadly no. When they break a hip and need surgery there can be such rapid decline after. If he wants to age in place, can he afford it. It costs more than a facility to have a care manager who then manages all the contracts (aides/therapies/etc). If not, as soon as he ends up in the hospital you make it clear how unsafe his living situation is, so they force a placement. If he cannot afford a social worker to check in until then, I would ask APS what they can do. They often will do wellness checks and they know what free services are available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I often read here that someone's elderly parent fell "now three or four times" and how now something must change in the parent's living situation. It always makes me wonder how many physical falls is unacceptable? My father physically falls often. Sometimes it is multiple times each week and other times he will go a few weeks between falls. Fortunately, he only is bruised. No broken bones thus far.

He has severe mobility issues and it seems that his shaky legs are obviously weakening even more yet he REFUSES to move from his home. I do believe that the only time we can ever consider moving him to assisted living is if he were to fall and need hospital care.

So, are physical falls in this situation acceptable? I feel like my hands are tied for he has full cognition and states clearly and regularly that his plan is to remain in his home.

I don't think "acceptable" is a good framing here. I think what people are saying is, after 3-4 falls, it became clear they had mobility issues, so they worked with their parent to change their living situation. Well, you already know that your father has severe mobility issues.

The question is about tradeoffs. He has full cognition, so he gets to choose the amount of risk he's willing to take on to stay in his home, and it appears that he's willing to take on a LOT of risk to do so, with his eyes wide open. Those other people's parents may have had a very different risk/reward assessment.

Yes, it seems that the most likely path here is he eventually has a bad enough fall that he lands in the hospital, and he ends up dying in the hospital or is wheelchair bound. If he's cognitively sound, he knows this, and this is what he's choosing.

I think what it's hard for our generation to fully grasp is that - the end of this story is the same no matter what. This man isn't going to be alive, happy and healthy 10 years from now. He knows this. There is no preventing it. And it's not crazy to risk a painful fall and a shortened lifespan for the hope of two more years with the life you want.

The one thing I would ask is that he wears one of the medic alert bracelets or necklaces so he can alert someone if he falls. That's an easy safety feature that basically costs him nothing. Beyond that, you've got to let it go.

[Anonymous]

I think the greatest risk is him falling when alone and not being able to get up. My roommate's aunt had this happen. She was one the floor for so long that she passed away after a periid of time. My other roommate is late 70's and fell 2 days ago. She couldn't get up. She yelled for help, but we were in another part of the house. I had to physically pick her up. Thia is what I worry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I often read here that someone's elderly parent fell "now three or four times" and how now something must change in the parent's living situation. It always makes me wonder how many physical falls is unacceptable? My father physically falls often. Sometimes it is multiple times each week and other times he will go a few weeks between falls. Fortunately, he only is bruised. No broken bones thus far.

He has severe mobility issues and it seems that his shaky legs are obviously weakening even more yet he REFUSES to move from his home. I do believe that the only time we can ever consider moving him to assisted living is if he were to fall and need hospital care.

So, are physical falls in this situation acceptable? I feel like my hands are tied for he has full cognition and states clearly and regularly that his plan is to remain in his home.

I don't think "acceptable" is a good framing here. I think what people are saying is, after 3-4 falls, it became clear they had mobility issues, so they worked with their parent to change their living situation. Well, you already know that your father has severe mobility issues.

The question is about tradeoffs. He has full cognition, so he gets to choose the amount of risk he's willing to take on to stay in his home, and it appears that he's willing to take on a LOT of risk to do so, with his eyes wide open. Those other people's parents may have had a very different risk/reward assessment.

Yes, it seems that the most likely path here is he eventually has a bad enough fall that he lands in the hospital, and he ends up dying in the hospital or is wheelchair bound. If he's cognitively sound, he knows this, and this is what he's choosing.

I think what it's hard for our generation to fully grasp is that - the end of this story is the same no matter what. This man isn't going to be alive, happy and healthy 10 years from now. He knows this. There is no preventing it. And it's not crazy to risk a painful fall and a shortened lifespan for the hope of two more years with the life you want.

The one thing I would ask is that he wears one of the medic alert bracelets or necklaces so he can alert someone if he falls. That's an easy safety feature that basically costs him nothing. Beyond that, you've got to let it go.

Most people over 80 aren’t cognitively sound. They may be grounded in reality but often have lost the ability to make reasoned decisions. Op is smart to research options because their dad isn’t going to do it, and will likely be forced into wherever there is an open bed after a hospitalization if no action is taken, thereby making his worse fears come true.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws are 89 and have always insisted they would never leave their house. But within the last few months, they have had sufficient difficulty getting around that they became open to at least checking out some local senior communities. Take it step by step op, your dad may not be willing to volunteer that something needs to be done, but he may increasingly aware his situation is untenable. If you do the legwork and find something acceptable, you may find him more amenable than you expect.

[Anonymous]

You have little control over this. Just the endless cycle of falls, emt visits, sometimes hospital visits, maybe rehab, then back home.
Btdt for 10 yrs. Nothing you can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I often read here that someone's elderly parent fell "now three or four times" and how now something must change in the parent's living situation. It always makes me wonder how many physical falls is unacceptable? My father physically falls often. Sometimes it is multiple times each week and other times he will go a few weeks between falls. Fortunately, he only is bruised. No broken bones thus far.

He has severe mobility issues and it seems that his shaky legs are obviously weakening even more yet he REFUSES to move from his home. I do believe that the only time we can ever consider moving him to assisted living is if he were to fall and need hospital care.

So, are physical falls in this situation acceptable? I feel like my hands are tied for he has full cognition and states clearly and regularly that his plan is to remain in his home.

I don't think "acceptable" is a good framing here. I think what people are saying is, after 3-4 falls, it became clear they had mobility issues, so they worked with their parent to change their living situation. Well, you already know that your father has severe mobility issues.

The question is about tradeoffs. He has full cognition, so he gets to choose the amount of risk he's willing to take on to stay in his home, and it appears that he's willing to take on a LOT of risk to do so, with his eyes wide open. Those other people's parents may have had a very different risk/reward assessment.

Yes, it seems that the most likely path here is he eventually has a bad enough fall that he lands in the hospital, and he ends up dying in the hospital or is wheelchair bound. If he's cognitively sound, he knows this, and this is what he's choosing.

I think what it's hard for our generation to fully grasp is that - the end of this story is the same no matter what. This man isn't going to be alive, happy and healthy 10 years from now. He knows this. There is no preventing it. And it's not crazy to risk a painful fall and a shortened lifespan for the hope of two more years with the life you want.

The one thing I would ask is that he wears one of the medic alert bracelets or necklaces so he can alert someone if he falls. That's an easy safety feature that basically costs him nothing. Beyond that, you've got to let it go.

Most people over 80 aren’t cognitively sound. They may be grounded in reality but often have lost the ability to make reasoned decisions. Op is smart to research options because their dad isn’t going to do it, and will likely be forced into wherever there is an open bed after a hospitalization if no action is taken, thereby making his worse fears come true.

Citation?