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Schools and Education General Discussion
Spin off. African American families, do you avoid schools with lots of FARMs minorities?
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Anonymous
Another AA mom here, and I could have given this same exact answer. No, I don't avoid it, but the answer is a lot more complicated than that. |
Anonymous
| I'm one of the AA pp's that said it's a complicated question, and just want to add that it's even more complicated to explain to people that are not AA. Another reason that trying to explain one's opinion on an anonymous board is a daunting task. |
Anonymous
| I would also have to agree with the pps. However, I have reservations with one of my children who can be easily influenced by ANY group, regardless of race, ethnicity, or income level. |
Anonymous
ITA |
Anonymous
| Well, I'm AA, upper middle class and grew up middle class. I didn't go to public school and now my son does. To be honest, I have noticed that he has picked up some negative attitudes/behaviors from kids at his school. I like the school and most of the kids are AA, but there is a large group of poor/working class kids (again mostly AA). I don't relate to many of the parents and I am uncomfortable with many ways they interact with their kids (I see this outside the classroom, during field trips, etc.). It is hard for me to separate the kids (who I don't blame for their behavior) from their parents. I went to school with white kids who did drugs, got in trouble--so I believe negative influences are everywhere. What I don't like is the attitude/beliefs towards discipline and education that I have encountered in the FARM (for lack of a better word) kids' parents that I don't want my son to pick up those attitudes/habits. I don't think of this as a black/white issue, but a socioeconomic issue as I have met poor white parents with the same attitude. |
Anonymous
|
pp, I agree that many White families have these negative attitudes ( I work in an area where I see tons of poorly educated whites, who also disregard education), but most White children usually have TONS of other more positive role models. Interestingly though, I had a White associate who worked in rural MD around many blue collar and unemployed Whites. He left that area because his kids were, in his words, "creating whole sentences without a verb" and using all sorts of other slang.
However, here in MC, we are dealing with mostly Hispanic and Black lower income families. I hate to admit that after working hard to buy a house in a nice area, schools matter. When my child is one of only two AA children in our ES with two parents at home who both went to college, I get concerned. My child really bonds closer to the other AA kids, and that is nice. I just have trouble with the idea of explaining that so and so's father is in jail.... Perhaps I would not mind as much if the demographics of some of the White and Asian families were the same. |
Anonymous
| My perspective is a little different. I grew up in the midwest/rustbelt where parents either worked in auto factories or farmed. A signficant number of kids quit school at 16 because there were many jobs available to them. Alcohol and drugs were easy to get. My father, as a doctor, was one of the few who had education beyond high school. The twist is that my father was a violent, abusive alcoholic. The only reason the police were never called when my dad was on his weekly roar and rage was because when the houses are at least 1/4 mile apart, no one can hear you cry or scream. I never brought a friend home and, like my brothers, spent as much time away from home as I could. Usually it was with the kinds of families many people on this thread would like their kids to avoid. Now that I'm a parent, I wish my kids would have a 'better class' of friends than my brothers and I did but I know that even if the entire school is filled with low lifes, my kids will be okay. As fucked up as my parents were, my brothers and I were required to do well in school and meet parental expectations. There were consequences to not meeting those expectations. There were also a couple of friends whose parents were very positive influences on me and my brothers. In hindsight, I can see they knew what was going on at my house and did what they could for us. I know everyone is trying to do what's best for their kids but having been through it myself, I know there's not a whole lot to fear. Parents have far more influence than anyone else. |
Anonymous
I agree. I'm one of the AA pp's, and I went to a public middle/high school were most of the AA were not coming from upper middle class homes (there were some of us there, but we were definitely in the minority). When I got to middle/high school, it was very difficult to be one of the "smart" black girls, because most of the other black students were on the grade-level, maybe-they'll-go-to-college, maybe-they-won't track. However, despite the "influence" of my peers, my parents had done such a thorough job of instilling their values and priorities in me, that peer influence did not derail me. I know that doesn't happen with all kids, but it was certainly the experience in my family and many others I know of. |
Anonymous
Really, why is that? I don't really think is it all that complicated to tell you the truth. My experience is all with upper middle class AA women and men. They don't pretend that they would be happy to have their children in a school where they would experience "guilt by association" that is the AA kids who are FARMS kids get in trouble and that reflects back on their child - same race, so must be same problem. |
Anonymous
| I think the peer effect varies by child. To the pps who have said that it did not affect them, that is fine, but I was insecure enough as a teen to be negatively influence. Luckily, I was in a school with kids that were determined to succeed, and that rubbed off on me. It is best to have good home role models and good school role models too. |
Anonymous
I agree. The brief answer is that I strongly believe if the parents value education and there is strong leadership at the school the rest will work itself out. However, the only way to know if that is true when you read the test scores is by talking to people that send their kids there and have a similar outlook on things. Usually that isn't the type of info you have before you move there. My preference isn't to have my kid as the only (there is a whole thread on that topic here) and that would apply to being at a school where it isn't that diverse to begin with or the diversity ends with the ability grouping. If the school was mostly diverse I wouldn't want doing well in school to make a kid an outcast either. Again being able to know what the situation may be requires research beyond scores and statistics. |
Anonymous
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I'm AA, went to private school kindergarten thru college, and always went to school with mostly white students. My son attends a school that is predominately AA. I don't know the exact percentage of FARMs, but I know it exceeds 80%. We, however, don't qualify for free or reduced anything. I'm extremely pleased with the education he's receiving thus far and I have yet to see him emulate any negative behaviors.
While I agree with the pp who stated parental influence is key, I also believe a school's reputation makes a difference. For example, at my son's prior school, I received a daily report on who got sent to the principal's office, got put in timeout, or had to leave the classroom when I asked, 'How was school today?' Now, with the exception of self-tattling, i.e., "I lost computer time for not paying attention," I don't hear about negative classroom behavior of 3 or 4 repeat offenders because it's not tolerated. |
Anonymous
ITA. |
Anonymous
| True, but peer effect is a real issue for all kids, and anyone who chooses to ignore it, is being unrealistic. |
Anonymous
Agreed. You can't raise your children in a bubble. They are in school from 9:00 a.m.-3:00 p.m. (on average) which means that they spend at least 30 hours per week at school with non-family members--and that's not including children who are in extended care which could increase the hours outside the home to 40-50 hours. If your child is at a school where families value education (i.e. attend parent-teacher conferences, volunteer a lot, show up for school functions, help children with homework), they are more likely to be successful. And children who attend schools where the families do not value education definitely have a harder way to go. I didn't say it was impossible for them to be successful, but it will be harder. To pretend otherwise is woefully naive.
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