Nanny Left

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:facetime - he needs closure - dont understand why she couldnt say goodbuy.

OP Here, she found out about the family emergency on her day off & flew out soon afterward.

My nanny has agreed to do FaceTime, my husband thinks it will just make my son yearn for his Nanny more, I think he believes “outta sight, outta mind,” which doesn’t appear to be the case here.

Firstly, I’m sorry for your nanny’s emergency. I hope her family member is OK.

You need to trust your gut. Your son is four years old and is able to understand that she had to leave (at a 4 yo level). Show him on the map where she is, talk about her and reinforce that she had to go with her family.

Absolutely FaceTime and talk to her! They bonded and he will need that closure. She probably needs that closure too. You don’t end a loving, bonded relationship with no contact if you can help it.

[Anonymous]

You're going to make your old nanny facetime your child while she's over seas dealing with a family emergency? You sound so selfish.

I hope you're going to pay her for HER TIME. SMH.

[Anonymous]

Sorry about that. However, if Nanny left to take care of family/emergency, I wouldn’t be bothering during this time. I’d wait for nanny to reach out once she’s back, she’d appreciate that you respect her time.

[Anonymous]

Your son would probably like to say goodbye but in person - not through the phone.

Wait until she returns then arrange something.

Though in time your son will likely forget about her.
Though never entirely.

[Anonymous]

OP Here:

My son is still having a very hard time missing his nanny.

He still asks me 1-2x a day if and when she is coming back.

I will not ask her to FT now, though I have texted her to tell her how much my son misses her.

He seems to be getting worse, I.e., asking for her more, getting more irritable and he is resentful of the backup nanny who prior to the main nanny’s departure he was just fine with.

Is this normal??
My mother suggested counseling for him if his “grief” continues.

[Anonymous]

This is hard on all.

Lasting, I don’t think so.

Message from Nanny could be: She loves him. She misses him, too. She had a sick somebody in home country and had to take good care of him.

I like the thought of part-time preschool, too.

[Anonymous]

Of course, you want to check in on nanny and see how her emergency is going. Maybe WhatsApp with her. Then you could broach the FaceTime with her.

I went through nanny departures and they were rough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is hard on all.

Lasting, I don’t think so.

Message from Nanny could be: She loves him. She misses him, too. She had a sick somebody in home country and had to take good care of him.

I like the thought of part-time preschool, too.

I agree, this is not a lasting issue.
Patience is key here, but it is important to note here that at your son’s age it is likely that over time he will forget this person, plus he will be entering school soon and once that happens he will be completely over it.

I wouldn’t do a video chat now, maybe in a few months but now he may just want her more and the chat could be upsetting to him.
People lived for a very long time without video chatting each other and they survived ok!

[Anonymous]

A definite NO on video chatting.

Your nanny is tending to her own issues at hand, it would be rude if you asked her to speak to your child.

Just be patient in little to no time your child will realize that asking about her will not bring her back.
He needs to give his current nanny a fair chance now.

[Anonymous]

Chances are very high that your son will recover quickly once you find a new nanny he can bond well with.

Kids are very resilient and he will be over this for sure within a month or so.