Teen girls diagnosed later with autism — how is she doing now?

[Anonymous]

I appreciate this discussion thread. My kid (15 and a sophomore) was recently diagnosed with autism and ADHD, along with PMDD. Like others here, she'd received treatment for anxiety starting in mid-elementary school and then when puberty hit, things got much rougher (depression, suicidal ideation, etc). The psychologist who did her recent evaluation noted that she probably wouldn't have been dx with autism even 5 years ago - but it definitely affects her peer relationships (adults love her) and ability to manage self-care and school.

We are trying to figure out what treatments might be most helpful/effective to pursue over these next couple of years, with a goal toward building skills that will allow my kid to live independently, get along with others, and pursue higher ed/work/etc. There seem to be a number of evidence-based programs out there, but they all require a significant commitment and I'd like to be strategic in choosing ones that are likely to be most effective.

How did you think about programs such as PEERS or Unstuck and On Target vs. DBT - specifically for kids who are really smart but have executive function, self-care, and peer relationship deficits and a difficult to crack baseline of anxiety/depression?

[Anonymous]

Don’t want to hijack the conversation, but am curious what signs of any your daughters had as toddlers and young children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t want to hijack the conversation, but am curious what signs of any your daughters had as toddlers and young children.

New to this conversation, but my "high functioning" 2e DD had very few signs. Mainly not liking loud noises, like an outsized reaction to an ambulance driving by or those blasted auto toilets and loud have dryers in public restrooms.

Otherwise very social since being a baby. Eye contact and everything. She was elected elementary school class "President" for several years because was very creative and could lead the kids in wild made up games. Played better with energetic boys than quieter kids. Some of that might have been the ADHD outcompeting the ASD. ADHD diagnosed in 5th grade, ASD in middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t want to hijack the conversation, but am curious what signs of any your daughters had as toddlers and young children.

None that I saw at the time. In retrospect, she had some food aversions around 2 years, did a cute sound when she was excited, and minor toe walking. No other signs. She was highly verbal and imaginative. She had lots of friends in elementary school. She is very high IQ and was diagnosed with ADHD in elementary. Her pediatrician had a son with autism and missed the diagnosis. She was diagnosed in eight grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are starting to suspect our 17yo DD may have autism. She is really struggling with anxiety and severe depression, as well as inattentive ADHD, and she’s not getting any better despite all the things - meds, therapy, PHP…

For those who have had a teen diagnosed with autism, how did that diagnosis change things therapeutically? Did things improve after the diagnosis?

The diagnosis was one thing, but the gamechanger for our teen was DBT. I believe it's the goldstandard for BPD, and now being more widely used for any emotional dysregulation, particularly in neurodivergent young people.

Out DD diagnosed at 16. We found DBT and people have been highly praising it. They also have a focus on autism BUT nearly a year later and she still hasn't agreed to DBT. We as parents have been doing DBT but the rigidity (which is how the diagnosis was made black/white thinking) has not moved to get her to agree to full DBT. I love the idea of goals working through problems and group work but we are becoming highly frustrated at the dragging of feet but she does have to agree to do it.

I will say that emotional disregulation is better in the year since but now we are facing college applications next year and doubting if she will be ready. She's not willing to look at colleges. Has an idea of what college is (out of the house, fun, parties, sororities) but not focused on the bigger picture of the academic work and preparing for the real world. She has all the supports in the world and is just dragging her feet not ready to face that reality.

Part of us wonders if she is constantly treating as different and special how is that going to affect her out of high school in terms of how she performs in college (if she goes), at a job etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t want to hijack the conversation, but am curious what signs of any your daughters had as toddlers and young children.

New to this conversation, but my "high functioning" 2e DD had very few signs. Mainly not liking loud noises, like an outsized reaction to an ambulance driving by or those blasted auto toilets and loud have dryers in public restrooms.

Otherwise very social since being a baby. Eye contact and everything. She was elected elementary school class "President" for several years because was very creative and could lead the kids in wild made up games. Played better with energetic boys than quieter kids. Some of that might have been the ADHD outcompeting the ASD. ADHD diagnosed in 5th grade, ASD in middle school.

None. The only thing was she was an incredibly stubborn child. Outgoing, smart, athletic. Struggled as got older became even more stubborn. No compromise was possible

[Anonymous]

Thank you to this thread. I wish they had more support groups too.

My DD was overlooked too. It’s been a rough few years as the diagnosis keep changing. There are a lot of missed symptoms for ADHD and autism and the Venn diagram is so wide in the middle it’s hard to differentiate. Throw in personality disorders symptoms and anxiety and it’s extremely hard to diagnose teen girls. Highly intelligent but want to fit in, there is so much masking. But inside? Their minds. They never feel right or in control. I wish there were more professionals focused on girls and yes therapy groups and even specialized PHP and support.

I see parts of my daughter in every post here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you to this thread. I wish they had more support groups too.

My DD was overlooked too. It’s been a rough few years as the diagnosis keep changing. There are a lot of missed symptoms for ADHD and autism and the Venn diagram is so wide in the middle it’s hard to differentiate. Throw in personality disorders symptoms and anxiety and it’s extremely hard to diagnose teen girls. Highly intelligent but want to fit in, there is so much masking. But inside? Their minds. They never feel right or in control. I wish there were more professionals focused on girls and yes therapy groups and even specialized PHP and support.

I see parts of my daughter in every post here

I completely agree. My stubborn dd probably wouldn't want to participate in a support group but I want to be a part of a support group for parents of late diagnosed AuDHD daughters. The teenage years are tough, parsing out what is normal for their development as autonomous beings and what are ASD related idiosyncracies.

[Anonymous]

I suspect the same of my 14yo, but honestly am afraid of getting my 14 yo black child diagnosed during this current administration.

Also, while it may explain some things there really isn't any additional *help*. She's going to still get therapy, take adhd meds, and need support. Basically I don't want it in her medical record bc I'm nervous about it negatively impacting her opportunities in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suspect the same of my 14yo, but honestly am afraid of getting my 14 yo black child diagnosed during this current administration.

Also, while it may explain some things there really isn't any additional *help*. She's going to still get therapy, take adhd meds, and need support. Basically I don't want it in her medical record bc I'm nervous about it negatively impacting her opportunities in the future.

Insurance will pay for almost everything with an autism diagnosis. Don’t delay her care and treatment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are starting to suspect our 17yo DD may have autism. She is really struggling with anxiety and severe depression, as well as inattentive ADHD, and she’s not getting any better despite all the things - meds, therapy, PHP…

For those who have had a teen diagnosed with autism, how did that diagnosis change things therapeutically? Did things improve after the diagnosis?

The diagnosis was one thing, but the gamechanger for our teen was DBT. I believe it's the goldstandard for BPD, and now being more widely used for any emotional dysregulation, particularly in neurodivergent young people.

I agree, but how do you get a stubborn ASD tween to do DBT? It’s 1-2x a week for whole year, if you’re passing the modules (ie new better habits and copes replace the maladaptive ones).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also if ANYONE knows any support groups for teen girls with ADHD/autism, please let us know

It would be so nice for teens to meet others like them, talk in a group setting with a therapist, and even have parent connections if interested. I feel like all teen therapy groups for girls are for ED’s, which is definitely needed, but I wish there were more for ND girls especially ones that are late diagnosed or in denial etc..

Keep them offline, too much spiraling online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t want to hijack the conversation, but am curious what signs of any your daughters had as toddlers and young children.

New to this conversation, but my "high functioning" 2e DD had very few signs. Mainly not liking loud noises, like an outsized reaction to an ambulance driving by or those blasted auto toilets and loud have dryers in public restrooms.

Otherwise very social since being a baby. Eye contact and everything. She was elected elementary school class "President" for several years because was very creative and could lead the kids in wild made up games. Played better with energetic boys than quieter kids. Some of that might have been the ADHD outcompeting the ASD. ADHD diagnosed in 5th grade, ASD in middle school.

None. The only thing was she was an incredibly stubborn child. Outgoing, smart, athletic. Struggled as got older became even more stubborn. No compromise was possible

For ours stubborn was an understatement; it was belligerence and would destroy relationships. Worse perceptions were off, it was never what happened, his Rolex how to fix it or apologize. It was arguing that he’s great because he intended to do it or to do it correctly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also if ANYONE knows any support groups for teen girls with ADHD/autism, please let us know

It would be so nice for teens to meet others like them, talk in a group setting with a therapist, and even have parent connections if interested. I feel like all teen therapy groups for girls are for ED’s, which is definitely needed, but I wish there were more for ND girls especially ones that are late diagnosed or in denial etc..

Keep them offline, too much spiraling online.

This did not answer the question at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t want to hijack the conversation, but am curious what signs of any your daughters had as toddlers and young children.

New to this conversation, but my "high functioning" 2e DD had very few signs. Mainly not liking loud noises, like an outsized reaction to an ambulance driving by or those blasted auto toilets and loud have dryers in public restrooms.

Otherwise very social since being a baby. Eye contact and everything. She was elected elementary school class "President" for several years because was very creative and could lead the kids in wild made up games. Played better with energetic boys than quieter kids. Some of that might have been the ADHD outcompeting the ASD. ADHD diagnosed in 5th grade, ASD in middle school.

This is what I don’t understand - social, popular kids with eye contact bring diagnosed with a social communication disorder. The spectrum has gotten so large. And at the same time, they are telling me that my DD who has never made friends does not have autism because she’s too interactive.