Huge existential crisis - quit 'good' job?

[Anonymous]

What is your intense job? You don't say if you love it or not. Some intense jobs are energizing. Doesn't sound like yours is?

[Anonymous]

Wrinkly neck does not matter. Happiness and time with kids does.

- Do you want to quit this particular job or all jobs?
- Would this job feel better if you mommy tracked and had more mental health days?
- Would you feel better in a new job? Old job but different team? A part time job?
- Would you feel better if you outsourced more chores?
- Do you have financial insurance in case of divorce, death, disability or unemployment?
- Do you have a whole bunch of insurance for the rest of your life? Your kids college? Retirement? Medical?
- Will you be an asset in teaching your kids, and making life easy for your kids and family?
- What will you do to not be bored? Are you a self directed person? How much of your self-worth is tied to your employment?
- How will this impact your lifestyle? Will you be able to employ all the support staff still?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm working only for the health insurance bc dh's job offers it but for three times the cost. I don't even make much at all and I'm so over it.

Then quit. If his job is enough to cover the family and provide health insurance, and he supports you quitting, go for it. You've probably got plenty saved from all your years of working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been grinding away like crazy for now 26 years. I'm so freaking tired. my kids are 10 and 12 and i am missing their childhood. My neck is getting wrinkly so I look in the mirror every day and am viscerally reminded that life is finite. I have an insanely intense job that pays well that is making me miserable and I feel trapped and tempted to just quit. Anyone else btdt? I have major decision paralysis

you would not be quitting you just become a SAHM which is a ton of work

OP didn't mention having a housekeeper to lay off. WOHM is even more work than SAHM.

[Anonymous]

I quit
Took two years to figure out the consulting thing
Now doing both some consulting and working PT in my field.

The two year part of touuughh. Make sure you have enough money saved and that you have a plan!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been a little bit in the same box. There aren’t easy answers. You should also think about retirement so you’re not ultimately a burden on them.

One thing to think about is that your kids are right on the cusp of not wanting to hang out with you. So don’t think you’re going to quit and have lots of good hangs with them. For the majority of kids, they hit teens years and don’t care whether you’re home or not. They want to do some combo of hanging out with their friends, homework, online games or social media, and practice/competition for their extracurriculars. Parents get small amounts of leftover time. Then they go to college and don’t come home for summers because they want some internships or research spot in another city.

The ideal job is one where you have flexibility in hours so you can take time off when they suddenly have an hour to spend with you or want you to drive them to X for a competition or visiting a clllege or whatever.

Definitely look at financial situation and develop a strategy to transition.

You may not get a job like this again but the flip side is, even if you stay you could get laid off without notice.

Even if tweens and teens don’t need you as much, they like having you around. You’ll regret it if they move away in their late teens and you haven’t spent enough time with them.

[Anonymous]

I feel the same OP. Working hard for over 21 years now, 50 year old female, one child ( 10 years old). I could afford to quit, since my spouse already is receiving pension for life as well as social security. I have saved littler over $1 mln in my 401k and Roth. No debt, house paid off. But the life is getting more and more expensive; rising property taxes, house repairs, travelling which we love. If I quit, I couldn't afford some of the trips I want to do, do home improvements etc. so even though, I don't like my job anymore, I will keep grinding as long as I can. I have right now best paying job with great benefits and I know that if I would quit, it would be very hard to find anything good anymore in my industry. So I am taking more random days off from work for my mental health for the last few months; planning some travelling to not feel totally miserable.

[Anonymous]

Op - these are all great perspectives. And honestly I shouldn’t quit. On my side I have $3.5m in 2 properties and $1m saved but spouse not working for 2 years now and points about not getting same level of job are correct. It is 14 hour days and I feel anxious at all times but I should cling to it like koala probably. I just hate time passing while I sit on calls about gated content and kpis

[Anonymous]

You can absolutely retire on $4.5 million total assets. We are planning to at $3.5 million, which will provide $100k annual spend into perpetuity...

[Anonymous]

Find a more suitable job first, then change jobs quietly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been grinding away like crazy for now 26 years. I'm so freaking tired. my kids are 10 and 12 and i am missing their childhood. My neck is getting wrinkly so I look in the mirror every day and am viscerally reminded that life is finite. I have an insanely intense job that pays well that is making me miserable and I feel trapped and tempted to just quit. Anyone else btdt? I have major decision paralysis

you would not be quitting you just become a SAHM which is a ton of work

OP didn't mention having a housekeeper to lay off. WOHM is even more work than SAHM.

lol this!! I have always worked and have same age kids. Quitting my job would cut my to do list in less than half. If you can swing it, do it!

[Anonymous]

NP here. Same issue. I have a "good" job that pays well and I've been there for several years, but the commute is wearing me down (hour+ each way), the new managers are dicey and imposing all kinds of new micromanagy rules and nickel and diming over nonsense, there's rampant nepotism and I don't see much of a future for myself there, just small COL raises.

I now have an interview for another role less than 10 minutes from home. I'll have to accept a lower salary, about $30-50K less I think, but managing my kids needs and being closer to home will be worth it. I can cut back on gas, food, car maintenance, hotel stays when the weather is bad, eventually health-related issues due to the stress. I get the feeling management is looking to push out everyone over 50 (that's me), and I've seen people quit without any notice or get fired and no one will say, "Larlo's retiring, let's all meet for drinks" and Larlo was there for a decade and everyone liked him, so no proper farewell?

So, yeah, I could be next, and I see the writing on the wall. "Good" jobs can quickly go bad. Better to take care of yourself and forego expensive treats for a while than tolerate stress and bullshit I don't need at this stage.

[Anonymous]

Op - to the point above this is a huge factor. Work has gone from being something that’s part of my life or that I even enjoyed to being like the most intense and stressful thing I can imagine doing short of working on an oil rig. Some days I just cry due to the stress.

[Anonymous]

Can you go part time?
Sounds like you can afford it financially but is that an option at your job? If so, I highly recommend!

[Anonymous]

I would not quit any job until I find and accept a new job. Much easier to find a job while one has a job. YMMV.