Most and least snobby/elitist privates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not all of this is snobbiness, per se, but when we were looking for K two things stood out for me:

• Trinity was the only school that made no effort to even pretend like they were interested in your interest in them . . . no sign-ins at open houses, and they would send many applications back without considering them.

• The CGPS admissions director was obnoxious, going on and on about how "hot" the school was and openly courting the couple with the 60-something sugar daddy and his logo-covered wife.

As for HS, we found almost all of the schools we toured to be welcoming and respectful of the feelings of young teens going through a stressful process. The exception was Fieldston . . . for whatever reason, it felt like they were disorganized, detached, and kind of phoning everything in.

TBF, a lot of the TT schools keep parents at a distance during the application process. Once your kiddo’s accepted, the community opens up a lot more. Our experience with Dalton was kind of like that: at first, of all the schools we toured Dalton felt the most impersonal and disinterested. Then, pretty much immediately after kiddo’s acceptance, which includes the acceptance letter, they immediately became incredibly warm and helpful and lovely. It’s necessary for them to keep a healthy wall of separation between the school and prospective parents.

I do agree that schools tend to not be super warm and loving until they accept you. But we applied to Dalton last year (as a very late summer bday, knowing my child may be too young) and interviewed with the head of admissions. She spoke to us with such a condescending tone about their educational philosophy (I am an educator myself) like we were 5. She was so dismissive of us right off the bat. Because of that we didn't even bother to apply to Dalton for this past round. My child got in to a TT SS and we are happy.

Congrats and I’m sorry you had that experience. I’m a trin alum and legacy, and when we were applying, we had an oddly similar experience there. Could’ve just been a bad day at dalton. Will say that my experience of trinity growing up was quite different to my experience of dalton now. seems to be far less elitism at dalton than trin so far. but, unfortunately, it’s impossible to avoid at nyc privates. it’s also a bit exclusive to nyc privates: friends of mine who left trin for boarding schools had a much warmer - albeit still challenging - experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As for HS, we found almost all of the schools we toured to be welcoming and respectful of the feelings of young teens going through a stressful process. The exception was Fieldston . . . for whatever reason, it felt like they were disorganized, detached, and kind of phoning everything in.

Former Fieldston parent here; this is pretty accurate as to the school part of the school too. They are not, however, snobby or elitist, in fact I've heard several of them speak quite humbly about Fieldston, or even negatively compare it with more rigorous schools. (the parents and students are another story, though - if anything they seem *more* eager to cling to Fieldston as a status symbol than parents at HM/Trinity et al and certainly can go toe-to-toe with any other set of NYC parents in terms of obnoxiousness)

[Anonymous]

The snobbiest parents I know are at Riverdale, closely followed by Dalton. Trinity seems to be more hardcore/tiger. HM parent body is so wealthy they make efforts not to attract attention.

Grace seems to be fairly down to earth, as does Friends. Trevor used to be down to earth but seems to upscaling by the millisecond.

[Anonymous]

Agree, HM wealth is ridiculous

What do you all think of Collegiate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree, HM wealth is ridiculous

What do you all think of Collegiate?

How can you tell how wealthy a school’s parents are on average? In our case, we do well but no one would know from just meeting us.

[Anonymous]

Riverdale is VERY VERY rich. Read the NYMag article around the 80s prom party that was a Riverdale lower school parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree, HM wealth is ridiculous

What do you all think of Collegiate?

How can you tell how wealthy a school’s parents are on average? In our case, we do well but no one would know from just meeting us.

The truth is you can’t. You never really know who has family money / family help / generational assistance.

We send DC to one of the TT mentioned here and are low key. There’s only a parent pecking order if you choose to make that something you care about. Most parents are just trying to juggle work and kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree, HM wealth is ridiculous

What do you all think of Collegiate?

How can you tell how wealthy a school’s parents are on average? In our case, we do well but no one would know from just meeting us.

The truth is you can’t. You never really know who has family money / family help / generational assistance.

We send DC to one of the TT mentioned here and are low key. There’s only a parent pecking order if you choose to make that something you care about. Most parents are just trying to juggle work and kids.

The truth is you can, but you have to know where to look and be familiar with the culture otherwise your experience will be at the surface layer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree, HM wealth is ridiculous

What do you all think of Collegiate?

How can you tell how wealthy a school’s parents are on average? In our case, we do well but no one would know from just meeting us.

The truth is you can’t. You never really know who has family money / family help / generational assistance.

We send DC to one of the TT mentioned here and are low key. There’s only a parent pecking order if you choose to make that something you care about. Most parents are just trying to juggle work and kids.

The truth is you can, but you have to know where to look and be familiar with the culture otherwise your experience will be at the surface layer.

PP here. To clarify then - we just don’t care. Kid is at the school to receive a fantastic education. Why give a crap about whether we are part of that crowd?

I’ve found that our school does not force parents to socialize so it doesn’t matter that much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree, HM wealth is ridiculous

What do you all think of Collegiate?

How can you tell how wealthy a school’s parents are on average? In our case, we do well but no one would know from just meeting us.

The truth is you can’t. You never really know who has family money / family help / generational assistance.

We send DC to one of the TT mentioned here and are low key. There’s only a parent pecking order if you choose to make that something you care about. Most parents are just trying to juggle work and kids.

The truth is you can, but you have to know where to look and be familiar with the culture otherwise your experience will be at the surface layer.

PP here. To clarify then - we just don’t care. Kid is at the school to receive a fantastic education. Why give a crap about whether we are part of that crowd?

I’ve found that our school does not force parents to socialize so it doesn’t matter that much.

Would you care to share the school? We’d be happy in that kind of evirinmebt as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree, HM wealth is ridiculous

What do you all think of Collegiate?

How can you tell how wealthy a school’s parents are on average? In our case, we do well but no one would know from just meeting us.

The truth is you can’t. You never really know who has family money / family help / generational assistance.

We send DC to one of the TT mentioned here and are low key. There’s only a parent pecking order if you choose to make that something you care about. Most parents are just trying to juggle work and kids.

The truth is you can, but you have to know where to look and be familiar with the culture otherwise your experience will be at the surface layer.

PP here. To clarify then - we just don’t care. Kid is at the school to receive a fantastic education. Why give a crap about whether we are part of that crowd?

I’ve found that our school does not force parents to socialize so it doesn’t matter that much.

Would you care to share the school? We’d be happy in that kind of evirinmebt as well.

This will vary by class year as well.

But most of these classes will have 60 to 100 plus parent couples. In no way are they all homogenous.

Just find your crowd or don’t bother socializing amongst the at all.

As a TT legacy myself I’ve realized that some of the social scene is really dictated by parents who are newer to New York. Talking about where you live and where you vacation does not mean you’re better lol. It’s kind of off putting actually.

Personally we could care less but that’s a mindset we’ve always had.

Also there are plenty of parents I’ve met who are clearly quite well to do but also humble. We look for shared values with fellow parents in the community.

Interestingly a bunch of the parent legacies in the class are also quite low key, probably from having spent decades in nyc.

People care far less about you than you realize so why play the game?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree, HM wealth is ridiculous

What do you all think of Collegiate?

How can you tell how wealthy a school’s parents are on average? In our case, we do well but no one would know from just meeting us.

The truth is you can’t. You never really know who has family money / family help / generational assistance.

We send DC to one of the TT mentioned here and are low key. There’s only a parent pecking order if you choose to make that something you care about. Most parents are just trying to juggle work and kids.

The truth is you can, but you have to know where to look and be familiar with the culture otherwise your experience will be at the surface layer.

Lol. Who cares?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree, HM wealth is ridiculous

What do you all think of Collegiate?

How can you tell how wealthy a school’s parents are on average? In our case, we do well but no one would know from just meeting us.

The truth is you can’t. You never really know who has family money / family help / generational assistance.

We send DC to one of the TT mentioned here and are low key. There’s only a parent pecking order if you choose to make that something you care about. Most parents are just trying to juggle work and kids.

The truth is you can, but you have to know where to look and be familiar with the culture otherwise your experience will be at the surface layer.

Lol. Who cares?

Exactly. Plenty of parents just mind their own business at these schools. As kids age into middle school there’s even less need to care since parent involvement becomes further reduced.

[Anonymous]

It is different at different ages. It is all more visible among the parents in the lower grades as they tend to be more present.

Agree that Columbia Grammar has this fake nouveau riche elitism that really rubs me the wrong way. Though I know some huge exceptions to this.

Collegiate has unfortunately swung heavily in this direction. It has always been rich but there are now more self-impressed, showy rich people than before. I felt like they used to really pride themselves on creating a humble environment. Not anymore.

Downtown schools have tons of wealth but it is less on display, particularly as kids get older.

Everyone I know at Dalton name drops Dalton every 30 seconds, which I hate. Dalton being Dalton.

[Anonymous]

Do parents belong to the same clubs there like they do at some DC schools? Social clubs or country clubs?