When dc breaks up with long term boyfriend/girlfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still think about my "few months" college boyfriend's mom. She was great. I don't have much in common with my MIL.

This is a "thanks for the memories" type situation.

In a few years, if you happen to hear some good news or whatever, as one adult to another, you could send her a kind note.

Presumably she also decided to break up.

It's best to leave alone for the indefinite future.

She did not want to break up. It's been coming for some time as they had been having some issues not seeing eye to eye, but she was hoping to work through them more and ds felt differently, though also absolutely terrible bc he didn't want to hurt her. He is very upset as well but thought time would not change things. On some level I hope they reconnect but not so sure that will happen.

Men tend to waste women's peak year and then move on. Sad.

Then marry the very next girl who seems to come along quickly.

[Anonymous]

My aunt's long term boyfriend broke up with her after wasting six years of her prime. She was very depressed for a long time before she got married to someone else. He was complicated but very caring. They couldn't have kids due to her age and infertility. He died early and left a lot of money for her. She is old now and tries to find happiness in her nieces and nephews but loneliness took a toll on her health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still think about my "few months" college boyfriend's mom. She was great. I don't have much in common with my MIL.

This is a "thanks for the memories" type situation.

In a few years, if you happen to hear some good news or whatever, as one adult to another, you could send her a kind note.

Presumably she also decided to break up.

It's best to leave alone for the indefinite future.

She did not want to break up. It's been coming for some time as they had been having some issues not seeing eye to eye, but she was hoping to work through them more and ds felt differently, though also absolutely terrible bc he didn't want to hurt her. He is very upset as well but thought time would not change things. On some level I hope they reconnect but not so sure that will happen.

Men tend to waste women's peak year and then move on. Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still think about my "few months" college boyfriend's mom. She was great. I don't have much in common with my MIL.

This is a "thanks for the memories" type situation.

In a few years, if you happen to hear some good news or whatever, as one adult to another, you could send her a kind note.

Presumably she also decided to break up.

It's best to leave alone for the indefinite future.

She did not want to break up. It's been coming for some time as they had been having some issues not seeing eye to eye, but she was hoping to work through them more and ds felt differently, though also absolutely terrible bc he didn't want to hurt her. He is very upset as well but thought time would not change things. On some level I hope they reconnect but not so sure that will happen.

Men tend to waste women's peak year and then move on. Sad.

Then marry the very next girl who seems to come along quickly.

Sad irony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still think about my "few months" college boyfriend's mom. She was great. I don't have much in common with my MIL.

This is a "thanks for the memories" type situation.

In a few years, if you happen to hear some good news or whatever, as one adult to another, you could send her a kind note.

Presumably she also decided to break up.

It's best to leave alone for the indefinite future.

She did not want to break up. It's been coming for some time as they had been having some issues not seeing eye to eye, but she was hoping to work through them more and ds felt differently, though also absolutely terrible bc he didn't want to hurt her. He is very upset as well but thought time would not change things. On some level I hope they reconnect but not so sure that will happen.

Men tend to waste women's peak year and then move on. Sad.

Then marry the very next girl who seems to come along quickly.

op- They are 23, I think people are thinking they are way older so just clarifying... They started dating freshman year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem way too involved in this OP. Hopefully your son doesn’t feel like you’re more upset for her than him.

Why can't she be upset for both? Do you have to have a blood relation to have empathy?

[Anonymous]

Nowadays, young couples don't have to have a reason to break up. Society keeps telling them to not commit until mid 30's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Were you upset? We loved her and she had been a huge part of our lives for years, we knew her family, had been on vacation with her, she was at every holiday...In many ways it was like having another child. The decision was ds's and I am so sad for her, and it feels really weird knowing we probably won't talk to her or see her again.

This is WHY you do not treat a GF or BF like "family". They are not, they are your DC's significant other. Until they are married, I keep a distance because your emotions and connections to the person should NOT matter or have any bearing on decisions that your child makes about their OWN relationships. Ridiculous. My DS broke up with his HS GF of THREE years and I didn't care... that is up to him. Yes, she was invited on vacation to the beach and yes she was at holidays, that does not mean she's part of the family nor that I should care whether my son is still with her. I have never felt this weird attraction that some of you do with your kids' SO. Weird.

[Anonymous]

OP I felt this way about my ex BF sister, we were together for 3+ years and she was just lovely. We became good friends. The breakup was too tough for us to keep in touch but I think of her fondly and wish her well. I am still thankful she was in my life for that time.

[Anonymous]

I'm a bit younger than my brother but I really liked the woman he dated in high school and college. She was awesome and acted like a bonus sister to me. But no, she really didn't want to hang out with us anymore after they broke up. And that's okay. They just wanted very different things out of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you upset? We loved her and she had been a huge part of our lives for years, we knew her family, had been on vacation with her, she was at every holiday...In many ways it was like having another child. The decision was ds's and I am so sad for her, and it feels really weird knowing we probably won't talk to her or see her again.

This is WHY you do not treat a GF or BF like "family". They are not, they are your DC's significant other. Until they are married, I keep a distance because your emotions and connections to the person should NOT matter or have any bearing on decisions that your child makes about their OWN relationships. Ridiculous. My DS broke up with his HS GF of THREE years and I didn't care... that is up to him. Yes, she was invited on vacation to the beach and yes she was at holidays, that does not mean she's part of the family nor that I should care whether my son is still with her. I have never felt this weird attraction that some of you do with your kids' SO. Weird.

Caring about someone and treating them well and being inclusive of them does not mean influencing your child's decision in any way. Those are entirely separate things. Fwiw I started dating dh young and his parents were cold to me then and I never forgot it. You sound a lot like my mil. You cannot flip a switch and change a relationship once marriage is in play and suddenly expect closeness. You establish it over time and that starts with kindness from Day 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you upset? We loved her and she had been a huge part of our lives for years, we knew her family, had been on vacation with her, she was at every holiday...In many ways it was like having another child. The decision was ds's and I am so sad for her, and it feels really weird knowing we probably won't talk to her or see her again.

This is WHY you do not treat a GF or BF like "family". They are not, they are your DC's significant other. Until they are married, I keep a distance because your emotions and connections to the person should NOT matter or have any bearing on decisions that your child makes about their OWN relationships. Ridiculous. My DS broke up with his HS GF of THREE years and I didn't care... that is up to him. Yes, she was invited on vacation to the beach and yes she was at holidays, that does not mean she's part of the family nor that I should care whether my son is still with her. I have never felt this weird attraction that some of you do with your kids' SO. Weird.

May be you aren't a loving person or may be you just didn't like those people. That doesn't mean other parents should be cold hearted.

[Anonymous]

I know a mom who cried when her dd broke up with her boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you upset? We loved her and she had been a huge part of our lives for years, we knew her family, had been on vacation with her, she was at every holiday...In many ways it was like having another child. The decision was ds's and I am so sad for her, and it feels really weird knowing we probably won't talk to her or see her again.

This is WHY you do not treat a GF or BF like "family". They are not, they are your DC's significant other. Until they are married, I keep a distance because your emotions and connections to the person should NOT matter or have any bearing on decisions that your child makes about their OWN relationships. Ridiculous. My DS broke up with his HS GF of THREE years and I didn't care... that is up to him. Yes, she was invited on vacation to the beach and yes she was at holidays, that does not mean she's part of the family nor that I should care whether my son is still with her. I have never felt this weird attraction that some of you do with your kids' SO. Weird.

And this is why somehow I got roasted on this site for knowing nothing about my son’s gf or her background

She gave birth to my grandchild and I didn’t even know her proper last name, her address, or why and how she named the baby

I asked her how her dad passed because she named the baby for him … and she said, “I told you that one time but I guess you didn’t remember”

Absolutely, I did not … because I was always like OK wow that’s such a history that must have been so hard for you … without internalizing anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you upset? We loved her and she had been a huge part of our lives for years, we knew her family, had been on vacation with her, she was at every holiday...In many ways it was like having another child. The decision was ds's and I am so sad for her, and it feels really weird knowing we probably won't talk to her or see her again.

This is WHY you do not treat a GF or BF like "family". They are not, they are your DC's significant other. Until they are married, I keep a distance because your emotions and connections to the person should NOT matter or have any bearing on decisions that your child makes about their OWN relationships. Ridiculous. My DS broke up with his HS GF of THREE years and I didn't care... that is up to him. Yes, she was invited on vacation to the beach and yes she was at holidays, that does not mean she's part of the family nor that I should care whether my son is still with her. I have never felt this weird attraction that some of you do with your kids' SO. Weird.

And this is why somehow I got roasted on this site for knowing nothing about my son’s gf or her background

She gave birth to my grandchild and I didn’t even know her proper last name, her address, or why and how she named the baby

I asked her how her dad passed because she named the baby for him … and she said, “I told you that one time but I guess you didn’t remember”

Absolutely, I did not … because I was always like OK wow that’s such a history that must have been so hard for you … without internalizing anything

Being intrusive in someone's life and showing interested in someone's life are two completely different things.