ASD/ADHD 18yo Stepdaughter - What can we do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to be at her mom’s at least half time.
Make life at your house hard for her. No i am not talking about any kind of abuse, but no meals, no laundry, no phone bill, no new clothes.
She can eat at home (access to groceries) and have a bed and access to medical care.

Why on earth would you do this to a high schooler?

Especially one whose neurodivergent. When I read that I was like what??
Don't do this OP.

[Anonymous]

If she moved out from her Mom’s place bc of consequences, you need to present a united front w/Mom. Talk and develop a strategy. DD cannot just hop around to avoid consequences.

[Anonymous]

Take her phone away for multiple days for each day that she refuses to go to school.

Monitor her med taking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A better IEP to address the issues she’s having including school refusal. Schools have seen all of this before and they have strategies.

Depending on your school, this advice could be a high investment, low return strategy. We are another BTDT family and as much as we begged, IEP/school strategies to address the school refusal never materialized. PP what did your school do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A better IEP to address the issues she’s having including school refusal. Schools have seen all of this before and they have strategies.

Depending on your school, this advice could be a high investment, low return strategy. We are another BTDT family and as much as we begged, IEP/school strategies to address the school refusal never materialized. PP what did your school do?

+1

[Anonymous]

Where are her bio parents?
Your husband/ her father and mother need to show up.
This by no means should be your problem alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A better IEP to address the issues she’s having including school refusal. Schools have seen all of this before and they have strategies.

Depending on your school, this advice could be a high investment, low return strategy. We are another BTDT family and as much as we begged, IEP/school strategies to address the school refusal never materialized. PP what did your school do?

Sorry. I didn’t see this. This is PP. mine was placed in a nonmainstream program and got school provided
Transportation door to door. There were other IEP things as well. But besides things relating to his other disabilities, the other things wouldn’t generalize to a regular school environment.

MCPS has three alternatives - SESES, ESESES, and RICA. It did take awhile. Before the alternative placement I honestly forget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry, OP. My ASD/ADHD kiddo is in college now and had terrible sleep habits in high school: he would go to bed at 3am. The difference is that he was motivated to do well in school and always studied hard. He barely tolerated his meds and stopped taking them in college - I don't blame him. Miraculously, with slow tapering, his life hasn't imploded, although he does forget stuff and his grades aren't the best. But I'm happy to see him take ownership. He's completely addicted to screens, but so is everyone else in the family, so... it's hard to act on this. We're all various shades of ADHD, and my husband is on the spectrum as well. He has no friends AT ALL, which kills me.

All I want is for this kid to become financially independent, so I don't worry about what's going to happen to him when I'm gone. I wish the same for your daughter. Has she explained why she cannot seem to find motivation in school? Does she understand that she needs to be competitive in the workplace? With ASD1, she is capable of understanding such concepts.

It would be great if she could have a summer job (I found one for my son two summers in a row because he was incapable of looking himself). Maybe she'll better understand what it takes to earn a living.

+1 My ASD/ADHD kiddo is 22 now, and high school was rough.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry OP. Is her mom still in her life since she chose to live with you? What is your husband doing to address this? Are you in family therapy? Is there a good psychiatrist involved?

What is the history? Has she always been like this? were there triggers like puberty or stressful events that led to set backs? Is there a therapist involved? Does she have any friends?

Does she have any passions? Reading? Art? Animals? Computers? What brings her joy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry OP. Is her mom still in her life since she chose to live with you? What is your husband doing to address this? Are you in family therapy? Is there a good psychiatrist involved?

What is the history? Has she always been like this? were there triggers like puberty or stressful events that led to set backs? Is there a therapist involved? Does she have any friends?

Does she have any passions? Reading? Art? Animals? Computers? What brings her joy?

Just re-read your post. The meds won't help if she doesn't take them consistently. She isn't ready to be independent with them. If your husband were to make sure she takes her meds each morning would she go along or is she REFUSING to take them. If she has executive functioning issues and is just absent-minded, then an adult needs to step in. You gradually help her be more independent, but clearly, she can be independent with meds yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry OP. Is her mom still in her life since she chose to live with you? What is your husband doing to address this? Are you in family therapy? Is there a good psychiatrist involved?

What is the history? Has she always been like this? were there triggers like puberty or stressful events that led to set backs? Is there a therapist involved? Does she have any friends?

Does she have any passions? Reading? Art? Animals? Computers? What brings her joy?

Just re-read your post. The meds won't help if she doesn't take them consistently. She isn't ready to be independent with them. If your husband were to make sure she takes her meds each morning would she go along or is she REFUSING to take them. If she has executive functioning issues and is just absent-minded, then an adult needs to step in. You gradually help her be more independent, but clearly, she can be independent with meds yet.

OP- We monitor her med taking. Some days she refuses to take them, some days she doesn’t.

We’re now exploring options of alternative placement with the school for second semester, and that will hopefully keep her on track.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry OP. Is her mom still in her life since she chose to live with you? What is your husband doing to address this? Are you in family therapy? Is there a good psychiatrist involved?

What is the history? Has she always been like this? were there triggers like puberty or stressful events that led to set backs? Is there a therapist involved? Does she have any friends?

Does she have any passions? Reading? Art? Animals? Computers? What brings her joy?

Just re-read your post. The meds won't help if she doesn't take them consistently. She isn't ready to be independent with them. If your husband were to make sure she takes her meds each morning would she go along or is she REFUSING to take them. If she has executive functioning issues and is just absent-minded, then an adult needs to step in. You gradually help her be more independent, but clearly, she can be independent with meds yet.

OP- We monitor her med taking. Some days she refuses to take them, some days she doesn’t.

We’re now exploring options of alternative placement with the school for second semester, and that will hopefully keep her on track.

It's good you monitor. Going on and off can create a whirlwind of symptoms as I'm sure you know. Does the psychiatrist and/or psychologist have suggestions to help her comply? It's good you are looking for an alternative placement. Is it one with a lot of psychological support? That can really help for some. I'm sorry you are dealing with this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry OP. Is her mom still in her life since she chose to live with you? What is your husband doing to address this? Are you in family therapy? Is there a good psychiatrist involved?

What is the history? Has she always been like this? were there triggers like puberty or stressful events that led to set backs? Is there a therapist involved? Does she have any friends?

Does she have any passions? Reading? Art? Animals? Computers? What brings her joy?

Just re-read your post. The meds won't help if she doesn't take them consistently. She isn't ready to be independent with them. If your husband were to make sure she takes her meds each morning would she go along or is she REFUSING to take them. If she has executive functioning issues and is just absent-minded, then an adult needs to step in. You gradually help her be more independent, but clearly, she can be independent with meds yet.

OP- We monitor her med taking. Some days she refuses to take them, some days she doesn’t.

We’re now exploring options of alternative placement with the school for second semester, and that will hopefully keep her on track.

It's good you monitor. Going on and off can create a whirlwind of symptoms as I'm sure you know. Does the psychiatrist and/or psychologist have suggestions to help her comply? It's good you are looking for an alternative placement. Is it one with a lot of psychological support? That can really help for some. I'm sorry you are dealing with this!

We have a new appointment so we’ll see what they suggest.

Yes, the alternative placement does have psychological support.

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry OP. Is her mom still in her life since she chose to live with you? What is your husband doing to address this? Are you in family therapy? Is there a good psychiatrist involved?

What is the history? Has she always been like this? were there triggers like puberty or stressful events that led to set backs? Is there a therapist involved? Does she have any friends?

Does she have any passions? Reading? Art? Animals? Computers? What brings her joy?

Just re-read your post. The meds won't help if she doesn't take them consistently. She isn't ready to be independent with them. If your husband were to make sure she takes her meds each morning would she go along or is she REFUSING to take them. If she has executive functioning issues and is just absent-minded, then an adult needs to step in. You gradually help her be more independent, but clearly, she can be independent with meds yet.

+1 Meds are priority.. if she doesn't take them things wont get better.