Snap Chat?

[Anonymous]

Honestly at that age, I would wait. I wish I could go back and wait. Mine is now in 9th but was the last of her friends to get it.

Messages disappear. We’ve had a few issues with bullying and just general nastiness. 7th seems young for this but if you allow it, def make sure you have the password and know who she’s talking to. I used to make DD go through her list of friends and tell me how she knew every person irl. We’ve had more than one account hacked. You need to set up your own account. I check in with my DD asking if anyone she doesn’t know has reached out to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, Snapchat is social media. We broke down and allowed it in 8th grade for our oldest. It was with much reservation but we thought it was time since that was the place that all messaging took place. We did have very clear rules though. Phones went into night mode at 9 and stayed downstairs at bedtime. We had to have the passwords to everything. We created profiles on snap so that we understood how it worked and the kids had to follow us. More app specific, they were not allowed to follow anyone they don’t know in real life. Any concerning messages were to be brought to one of us immediately. And no sharing location.
We were very hesitant and would have been happy to keep them off social media until 16 but the reality was that was beginning to create social isolation and after covid et all we decided to give it a try.
They are now 17 and we’ve had zero issues and our planning to take the same route when the youngest turns 13 in a couple of weeks.

We did all of this. In addition, I always say I have access to anything on their phones. I don’t check it anymore but initially I did. Lots of good discussions about what to do when people are being inappropriate in chats etc. And reminded them if they feel like they can’t show me something, they probably shouldn’t be sending that.

For Snapchat, I would randomly say, ok, let’s see what’s coming in on Snapchat now and DS would have to open it and show me then. That’s the only way to monitor since most things disappear once opened. We also reminded them that we are always the place to go for help. Don’t try to problem solve with this on your own (eg, if you get a naked picture, in a group with bullying etc etc).

We had hoped to say no until high school but we caved in 8th grade. All communication happened there and DS was still finding his footing socially and we didn’t want to add one more thing to make that harder. I know that sounds silly but it is the decision we made. He’s in 12th grade now and a responsible phone user. We will do the same with our younger DS when the time comes.

[Anonymous]

Unless it's the *only* way for your kid to communicate with peers, and you're willing to monitor it regularly, hard pass on Snapchat. My 14 yo DD is one of the few of her peers without it, but regular text serves them fine, too.

[Anonymous]

Your child is about to experience extreme bullying:

https://gabb.com/blog/cyberbullying-on-snapchat/

[Anonymous]

No one needs Snapchat.

I do not restrict my kids much. Snapchat is a toilet bowl of junk

[Anonymous]

I quite honestly believe you would have to be among the dumbest parents in the DMV to allow your kid on SnapChat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I said a hard no to snap chat. The messages disappear.
My 13yo just got Instagram teen and has regular texting.
She has WhatsApp too buf only uses for one group of specific friends.

Instagram has disappearing messages too lol - you can set either up with or without it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, Snapchat is social media. We broke down and allowed it in 8th grade for our oldest. It was with much reservation but we thought it was time since that was the place that all messaging took place. We did have very clear rules though. Phones went into night mode at 9 and stayed downstairs at bedtime. We had to have the passwords to everything. We created profiles on snap so that we understood how it worked and the kids had to follow us. More app specific, they were not allowed to follow anyone they don’t know in real life. Any concerning messages were to be brought to one of us immediately. And no sharing location.
We were very hesitant and would have been happy to keep them off social media until 16 but the reality was that was beginning to create social isolation and after covid et all we decided to give it a try.
They are now 17 and we’ve had zero issues and our planning to take the same route when the youngest turns 13 in a couple of weeks.

We did all of this. In addition, I always say I have access to anything on their phones. I don’t check it anymore but initially I did. Lots of good discussions about what to do when people are being inappropriate in chats etc. And reminded them if they feel like they can’t show me something, they probably shouldn’t be sending that.

For Snapchat, I would randomly say, ok, let’s see what’s coming in on Snapchat now and DS would have to open it and show me then. That’s the only way to monitor since most things disappear once opened. We also reminded them that we are always the place to go for help. Don’t try to problem solve with this on your own (eg, if you get a naked picture, in a group with bullying etc etc).

We had hoped to say no until high school but we caved in 8th grade. All communication happened there and DS was still finding his footing socially and we didn’t want to add one more thing to make that harder. I know that sounds silly but it is the decision we made. He’s in 12th grade now and a responsible phone user. We will do the same with our younger DS when the time comes.

This is OP and we are holding off. Thanks to all of the replies. However -- is it truly how all the teens are communicating? It seems like this is correct, unfortunately -- in which case it adds a lot of pressure on us to allow it in the future.

[Anonymous]

Also - thank you for all of the advice as to how best to monitor and speak with them if it is eventually permitted. Super helpful - bookmarking this thread!

[Anonymous]

No.

My 12yo 7th grader doesn't have a phone.

[Anonymous]

DCUM is such a weird place where every teenager in real life has snap chat, and every parent on DCUM swears up and down their kids don't have it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I said a hard no to snap chat. The messages disappear.
My 13yo just got Instagram teen and has regular texting.
She has WhatsApp too buf only uses for one group of specific friends.

Instagram has disappearing messages too lol - you can set either up with or without it.

Insta is not exactly innocent:

https://time.com/7310444/instagram-lawsuit-self-harm/


You can google the myriad evidence of strong links between social media use and increased mental illness (especially amongst teens).

Or you can ignore the threat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM is such a weird place where every teenager in real life has snap chat, and every parent on DCUM swears up and down their kids don't have it.

Agree. I personally think it’s parents of 6th graders or something who are trying to stop the wave for their kids. I don’t blame them. It would be easier to say no if everyone else did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No.

My 12yo 7th grader doesn't have a phone.

Of course. Why would a 12 year old have a phone? Our kids social group gets one in high school, not at 12.

[Anonymous]

My kid, who received a cell phone, begged for it in 9th grade, saying that it was having a negative impact. We caved and allowed it. Beyond what others have said, it has built in mechanisms (streaks) to keep kids posting and using the app. I really don’t like it.