Her only emotions left are fear (paranoia) and anger.

[Anonymous]

Get her checked for dementia and a UTI!

My grandmother kept getting angry and crazy and she ended up with a UTI (multiple
Times). They had to do the more detailed lab test I believe the culture for one to show
up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to visit. And your 19 year old son should know not to count on her support. My kids knew from a young age that my mother is not to be trusted with her words.

This. She is not herself at this point but nursing home staff is trained to handle this, jet them do it. Visit just to show them that your mother has someone checking on her. Don’t spend time with her and let go of any expectation of normalcy

Lol. Nursing home staff are paid minimal wage, receive virtually no training and have many patients.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to visit. And your 19 year old son should know not to count on her support. My kids knew from a young age that my mother is not to be trusted with her words.

This. She is not herself at this point but nursing home staff is trained to handle this, jet them do it. Visit just to show them that your mother has someone checking on her. Don’t spend time with her and let go of any expectation of normalcy

Lol. Nursing home staff are paid minimal wage, receive virtually no training and have many patients.

That was not our experience with our grandmother. They knew how to speak to her, but we also worked with the team to get the meds right and with paranoia and anger (and her case aggression) quite a combo was needed. There is no strategy to consistently keep someone highly abusive behaving unless the person is also well medicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the mid stages of dementia my mom became paranoid and occasionally mean though mostly just self absorbed, and unable to empathize or think about others as she was consumed by her own unraveling. Oddly, in later stages she was able to express more love and appreciation even though her ability to speak and make sense had declined.

Pleaser know this is normal in dementia although it can be very distressing.

At what age did you see this change begin with your mother? And how did you know it was a true change rather than her just reacting to things, like stress or bad luck? I’m asking because I’m afraid you are describing my DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get her checked for dementia and a UTI!

My grandmother kept getting angry and crazy and she ended up with a UTI (multiple
Times). They had to do the more detailed lab test I believe the culture for one to show
up.

This is why all older women should have access to vaginal estrogen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not certain whyyour son was “crushed” - did you react very strongly to your mother’s lackluster response to his news? Is he more impacted by your strong emotion, perhaps? Presumably he got wonderful feedback from family and friends for such an amazing accomplishment. His expectations of her should be tempered; he’s old enough to understand her condition, and cognitive changes that impact her behavior. Disappointed or sad, I understand. But crushed?

Congratulations to your son.

Would it have been OK with you if a girl were crushed or perhaps a younger person? 19-year-old males are allowed to be sensitive. Both my teenage son and daughter were devastated by my mother's behavior and lack of interest to the point we could not have them around her. It's hard for me as an adult to process it and she was awful before aging, just not this bad. Sometimes that is part of it I think. You had to adjust to the fact you had a challenging parent/grandparent all along and you had your strategies but were at your limit. Then they get worse and it's just too much no matter how many times people tell you it's just the brain deterioration. That's why sometimes you need to outsource even more because it's not painful to a stranger and it's easier for them to just see it as a brain issue.

No, this is not normal, OP.

My kids could tell something was deeply wrong with my mother. They were in elementary school. They were not crushed, they just said "Grandma is mean and I don't want to see her". Now they're teens and young adults and it's repeating itself with my father. They are not crushed. They know he's not there anymore.

[Anonymous]

Have her watch A Christmas Karen.