Late 40s, career taking off, little kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the feedback. I guess to me my kids are still little even if they are growing up fast

This is good advice. One of my biggest challenges is probably that I travel a lot, and a lot of it is international. I try to be intentional, but it's a requirement of my job. Still trying to figure that out.

We have done this successfully, but in my case the kids were a little younger. By the time my youngest hit middle school, my travel is only in the US. I was in the C suite at that point so I have a ton of control over my schedule. You do need to figure out what you can control and what you cannot. I generally stop work at 4pm each day when my 8th grade kid gets home from school and spend several hours with her. I have been able to do this for the three years of middle school. I then get caught up at other times.

[Anonymous]

You have a parent at home for your not so little kids. Its fine.

[Anonymous]

Go for it if you need the money. My SIL is a pilot who flies internationally and has kids your age. When her income exceeded his, he cut back. He's a very good dad and house husband (cooks, cleans, runs the kids around), so the arrangement is working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the feedback. I guess to me my kids are still little even if they are growing up fast

This is good advice. One of my biggest challenges is probably that I travel a lot, and a lot of it is international. I try to be intentional, but it's a requirement of my job. Still trying to figure that out.

At those ages this is not a big deal.

You should bring something back from each place you go. My kid’s grandfather travels constantly and he always brings them a magnet from his travels. They love it and look forward to it so much, even though I can tell sometimes it’s just something he bought at the airport. lol Your tradition could be anything, a tshirt, pen, hat, postcard, etc.

Do not try to call everyday, that’s too much pressure, but say, if Wednesdays and Fridays have no activities then those are days when you call and chat, otherwise send a text with a photo from your hotel window or something. Managing expectations is important.

The kids will probably not even notice the lack of daily check in UNLESS you make a big deal about it. Your attitude and your husband’s attitude is going to make all the difference if the kids take it in stride or if it becomes a source of stress.

[Anonymous]

why would someone old like 48 career be picking up, studies show that if you aren't already making closet to 7 figures by age 40 then you are at the top of your career and won't progress. get a grip.

[Anonymous]

48 and kids are in 4th and 6th grade? how old where you when you had the kids!

[Anonymous]

Hi, agree with bringing something back from every trip (cost doesn’t matter); if there are moments like first bra buying or prepping for a dance, think a young girl will appreciate her mom present (and I’m a woman to be clear.)

Ps why is every one asking when OP had kids. Why does it matter? People have kids when they are a variety of ages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:48 and kids are in 4th and 6th grade? how old where you when you had the kids!

That's not crazy at all! I had my youngest at 36, so I will be 45 when they are in 4th grade. Having your youngest at 39 is not unusual around here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:48 and kids are in 4th and 6th grade? how old where you when you had the kids!

Had my kids at 35 and 38 after multiple losses and rounds of IVF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men do this all the time and never ask these questions. You will be fine.

This, so much this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:48 and kids are in 4th and 6th grade? how old where you when you had the kids!

I’m 47 with a 3rd grader. I was 38 when I had her. I also have two teens.

OP, I’m the flip of you, the traditional part time working mom and have a DH with a very demanding job. I stopped working when my third child was born and now work part time like your husband.

DH shows up for the big stuff. I attend most games, drive kids to practice, sign up for activities, drive the kids and friends around. My child has a classmate whose mom is the breadwinner and dad works part time. It is becoming more common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:48 and kids are in 4th and 6th grade? how old where you when you had the kids!

Doing the math, 36 and 39 which is very normal around DC.

[Anonymous]

I'm 45 and this is us (1st and 4th graders) but DH also works 40+ hrs and a commute. It's super hard but we have grandparents picking up activity driving slack. If DH worked 15 hrs a week it would be so much easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:48 and kids are in 4th and 6th grade? how old where you when you had the kids!

DP. I'm 48, and my kid is in 4th!

[Anonymous]

I did this when my kids were slightly older. Worked PT chill job and enjoyed lots of relaxed time with kids when they were little then started slowly ramping back up. Kids were in 5th and 7th when I took on a pretty stressful exec-level role. DH works full time but with flexibility and has taken up a ton of the slack.

On balance, it’s been good. Kids have rolled with it well, I still have really close relationships with them, and we are in better shape financially for college. It’s been rewarding professionally and opened a lot more doors. Biggest downside was on my health and stress-levels. Its been harder to keep prioritizing exercise and I have a lot less energy for socializing and other creative outlets that used to bring me joy. I’m on a low dose antidepressant. Some of that may just be middle age, but being pulled between job and family with less time to smell the roses hasn’t helped. If DH wasn’t so awesome it might be ugly. All in all though, life is good, I feel good about my work, my kids are thriving, and I have a lot more options open to me for the future. I do think it’s true that those opportunities are harder to find post-50.