Why are some people so negative and always worried about money?

[Anonymous]

Was your dad spending on anything? Was there something that was in his view worth it and he would spare no expense, but for others would sound foolish? I think the worst of this is someone who is penny wise and dollar stupid. It's people who consider some type of spend "holy" (be it some luxury or risky investment) and other type of spend anathema (even if it's to avoid hardship, solve a problem or out of necessity). If you have people like this in the family or friend circle you'd know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My multi millionaire cheap ass uncle drove a Yugo when I was a kid and also flooded out his house because he would turn the heat down really low in the winter lmao.

Weird guy and ridiculous, but I don't think this qualifies as mental illness.

I think it's mental illness, not just weirdness. When you do things that can be detrimental and damaging to yourself and your family for the sake of being frugal it beats the whole point of being frugal (which is to feel security and comfort). It's illogical. People who are frugal to the point where they create hardships (which money is supposed to solve) are mentally damaged or have some sort of personality disorder spectrum.

Probably about as damaged as people who piss money away on material goods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems unhealthy, but it's not really abnormal for a lot of people to have a difficult time transitioning to drawing down their investments. Lots of people become millionaires by being thrifty, and once you refuse to waste any money whatsoever, it just becomes a part of who you are. This is an extreme case though lol

This may be part of it but I think there are also aspects of "it's never enough" and "nobody wants to admit they're rich."

Case in point: my mom will talk about how they budget super carefully to live on my dad's "modest pension" (her words; he retired with an excellent pension in his late 50s). She'll complain about property taxes and vote down the school budget because she doesn't get to "line item veto" the items she considers a waste of money, after spending my childhood complaining about selfish old people voting down the school budget. She'll worry when my dad does discretionary spending. I think she really wants to be seen as still scrappy and making do with very little.

I recently found out they're not touching their very healthy 401ks AT ALL. So they really don't have to worry about money. But there is also talk about continuing to build wealth and maximize gains.

As someone much earlier in life worrying about even staying employed through the next year, much less the next decades, I appreciate that my parents are very very secure, but I also find the "we have some much but we're still worried" posture maddening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My retired dad is wealthy compared to most retirees his age. Yet this man is always negative. He always send me articles every time there is some bad economic news. He goes into a gloom and doom rant. He always cries poverty despite taking home $10,000/month as a retired 70 years old. He has a pension. He has amazing health insurance. He has no debt . His home has been paid off for 20 years. He has paid rentals. he has investments. And yet he keeps crying poverty. This month one of his tenant is leaving. OMG now he doesn't know if he will survive financially. I love my dad but this seems like a mental illness. I feel bad for my mom..she is the total opposite.

It's exhausting. Do you know people like that? Why are they so preoccupied with money despite having enough cushion??

Have you ever been poor? I have. And if you don't know, you don't know.

[Anonymous]

I'm this way. It's a fear that it will all go away and I will go hungry like I did at other times of my life.

or that I will lose it all and affect my children's ability to not go hungry.

It's not rational and I worked with a therapist to manage it.

[Anonymous]

I think its perfectly rational to have high anxiety about money as long as you are in a position that you must be gainfully employed for decades to sustain yourself. Im on track for a financially secure retirement provided the market continues long term growth and I can stay gainfully employed for the next 20 years.

But the idea that I can become unemployed for a long period of time due to illness, accident, or economic conditions and it would completely wipe out everything ive accumulated is not far fetched.

So living with that fear and then you reach retirement where you no longer have to earn income, I could see how the anxiety that has always been there wont just subside.

[Anonymous]

My mom is like that too. I think she was really affected by her own parents talking about the depression back in their day. Everything in her life was second hand. She was raised by very frugal parents and I think it really affected her. My uncle is the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My retired dad is wealthy compared to most retirees his age. Yet this man is always negative. He always send me articles every time there is some bad economic news. He goes into a gloom and doom rant. He always cries poverty despite taking home $10,000/month as a retired 70 years old. He has a pension. He has amazing health insurance. He has no debt . His home has been paid off for 20 years. He has paid rentals. he has investments. And yet he keeps crying poverty. This month one of his tenant is leaving. OMG now he doesn't know if he will survive financially. I love my dad but this seems like a mental illness. I feel bad for my mom..she is the total opposite.

It's exhausting. Do you know people like that? Why are they so preoccupied with money despite having enough cushion??

His parents and grandparents probably told him stories about the Great Depression that were scary.

As someone almost that age, I can tell you that it’s more than just stories. We lived with the habits of people who grew up in that period. Like I can never have enough toilet paper.

Add to it that, many of us were expected to be out of the house by age 18 and self supporting. Parents didn’t help with first and last months rent, buying a car or continuing education. So there were many years of personal struggles. Ramen noodles, spaghetti, meatless dinners, popcorn as a meal were real things. And to make that happen we had to be scrappy - getting jobs by age 10 or 12 and never taking a break from working. Summer swim team wasn’t on anyone’s radar because jobs came first.

And you never saw anyone you know travel. Vacation was tent camping or a day trip to the shore or a local lake with sandwiches packed from home.

It is very hard to change this mindset. It’s your way of life. Any volatility in the stock market brings real fear.

So I, like your dad, will probably die with a lot of money even though I’ve been working on learning to enjoy what we’ve saved over the years. I think for some of us that’s inevitable. But it doesn’t mean we’re not happy and not enjoying our lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems unhealthy, but it's not really abnormal for a lot of people to have a difficult time transitioning to drawing down their investments. Lots of people become millionaires by being thrifty, and once you refuse to waste any money whatsoever, it just becomes a part of who you are. This is an extreme case though lol

This can be related to childhood experiences. It is hard to imagine the hardship that many of our older population (esp immigrants) have gone through, and they are afraid of losing everything. It’s not necessarily a bad thing.

If you think of it (for US born people) in terms of being born to people who lived through the great depression it's a bit more understandable.

That said, I think that even if you stay thrifty that shouldn't mean you still worry about money. It seems to me that having stayed frugal should lead to lessened anxiety, but that said, it doesn't for a lot of people.

[Anonymous]

Op, is you dad a recent immigrant? I know many first gen immigrants who behave like your father. Fear

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My retired dad is wealthy compared to most retirees his age. Yet this man is always negative. He always send me articles every time there is some bad economic news. He goes into a gloom and doom rant. He always cries poverty despite taking home $10,000/month as a retired 70 years old. He has a pension. He has amazing health insurance. He has no debt . His home has been paid off for 20 years. He has paid rentals. he has investments. And yet he keeps crying poverty. This month one of his tenant is leaving. OMG now he doesn't know if he will survive financially. I love my dad but this seems like a mental illness. I feel bad for my mom..she is the total opposite.

It's exhausting. Do you know people like that? Why are they so preoccupied with money despite having enough cushion??

His parents and grandparents probably told him stories about the Great Depression that were scary.

As someone almost that age, I can tell you that it’s more than just stories. We lived with the habits of people who grew up in that period. Like I can never have enough toilet paper.

Add to it that, many of us were expected to be out of the house by age 18 and self supporting. Parents didn’t help with first and last months rent, buying a car or continuing education. So there were many years of personal struggles. Ramen noodles, spaghetti, meatless dinners, popcorn as a meal were real things. And to make that happen we had to be scrappy - getting jobs by age 10 or 12 and never taking a break from working. Summer swim team wasn’t on anyone’s radar because jobs came first.

And you never saw anyone you know travel. Vacation was tent camping or a day trip to the shore or a local lake with sandwiches packed from home.

It is very hard to change this mindset. It’s your way of life. Any volatility in the stock market brings real fear.

So I, like your dad, will probably die with a lot of money even though I’ve been working on learning to enjoy what we’ve saved over the years. I think for some of us that’s inevitable. But it doesn’t mean we’re not happy and not enjoying our lives.

the toilet paper hoarding toilet paper thing is now recurring due to experiences during COVID.

[Anonymous]

We live in America. All of us are just one bad illness or market turn away from getting wiped out.

Private equity loves to gut pension plans, I wouldn’t rely on anything other than the PBGC max if I had a pension.

And the elder care industry is expertly designed to take every last cent you have before letting you die miserable with bedsores.

If you’re not at least a little anxious, you’re not paying attention.

[Anonymous]

Who knows how long you will live and if you have enough money for assisted living, dentists and doctors and prices are going way. If you are retired you live on a fixed income, even if its $10,000, its a bit nerve wracking, even if you have a few millions. Its common sense to be anxious about costs, especially for those of us who are older.

I'm a Gen X my husband is a boomer. We view money differently, and if you grew up or were raised in poverty that never leaves you. In our case we also want to leave our DC with a good inheritance as he has special needs.

I grew in Arlington and in the 60's it was easy to have one income and buy a house. That is NOT the case now, changes in politics and the economy stress us out.

I worked in college and could pay rent, gas bill, insurance, car note and go to school, and go out on the weekend all with my minimum wage job. That's not what younger people can afford doing today, that causes me to be stressed out.

My friends have started needing implants and they cost $3000. My friends bridge and other dental work is $11,000. Experiences and health care costs compound and cause older people to stress out.

Give the guy a break

[Anonymous]

My wife and I both make over $200k, but pay for private school and travel sports, so cash flow isn’t ideal since a large portion of my income is sporadic chunks of commission. we are fine once we get these high schoolers off on their own. But I was raised in a financially stressed household so I generally refuse to buy anything at retail price, nickel and dime monthly bills like cell, cable and internet, do my own yard work, etc. I can’t help it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My retired dad is wealthy compared to most retirees his age. Yet this man is always negative. He always send me articles every time there is some bad economic news. He goes into a gloom and doom rant. He always cries poverty despite taking home $10,000/month as a retired 70 years old. He has a pension. He has amazing health insurance. He has no debt . His home has been paid off for 20 years. He has paid rentals. he has investments. And yet he keeps crying poverty. This month one of his tenant is leaving. OMG now he doesn't know if he will survive financially. I love my dad but this seems like a mental illness. I feel bad for my mom..she is the total opposite.

It's exhausting. Do you know people like that? Why are they so preoccupied with money despite having enough cushion??

His parents and grandparents probably told him stories about the Great Depression that were scary.

As someone almost that age, I can tell you that it’s more than just stories. We lived with the habits of people who grew up in that period. Like I can never have enough toilet paper.

Add to it that, many of us were expected to be out of the house by age 18 and self supporting. Parents didn’t help with first and last months rent, buying a car or continuing education. So there were many years of personal struggles. Ramen noodles, spaghetti, meatless dinners, popcorn as a meal were real things. And to make that happen we had to be scrappy - getting jobs by age 10 or 12 and never taking a break from working. Summer swim team wasn’t on anyone’s radar because jobs came first.

And you never saw anyone you know travel. Vacation was tent camping or a day trip to the shore or a local lake with sandwiches packed from home.

It is very hard to change this mindset. It’s your way of life. Any volatility in the stock market brings real fear.

So I, like your dad, will probably die with a lot of money even though I’ve been working on learning to enjoy what we’ve saved over the years. I think for some of us that’s inevitable. But it doesn’t mean we’re not happy and not enjoying our lives.

This! I grew up like this and now retired with what should be plenty, but I still worry, and I've basically have had some level of $ anxiety my whole life. I don't recommend it.